I am honored and delighted to be with you today. My husband and I have a great love for this university and all that it represents. We have made many friends here who have blessed our lives. I have looked forward to this day and have thought of you—your lives, your challenges, and your future opportunities. I pray that the Spirit might teach us and that we might be edified together.
May I begin by reading a scripture found in Psalms 55:14: "We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company." I have always loved the feeling I get when I read that scripture. I see husbands and wives discussing family concerns. I see a father counseling his teenage daughter. I see a family walking to the temple to be sealed.
Relationships are a very important part of our mortal life. Creating eternal relationships is the very purpose of temples. "All we do in the Church—our meetings and activities, our missionary efforts, the lessons we teach, the hymns we sing—should point us to the Savior and the work we do in holy temples" ("Temples," True to the Faith, p. 170-171). As a Young Women General Presidency, our vision for each young woman is to help her "be worthy to make and keep sacred covenants and receive the ordinances of the temple." That should be the goal for each of us—and, as this picture, which is found in the Young Women Personal Progress book illustrates, temple ordinances and covenants make it possible for us to return to our Savior.
I brought with me today a piece of fabric—a tapestry of sorts—from Mongolia. This fabric is used in making the Mongolian deel or traditional dress that most Mongolians have and wear, particularly on holidays. The trim around the neck and sleeves set the deel off nicely. As I noticed the beauty and variety of trims used in the deels, I became aware of some common characteristics of these trims. The fabric is usually woven with a variety of beautifully colored threads. And, although there are many kinds of trims, they almost always have metallic gold threads running through them giving them strength and creating a beautiful luster.
Like this beautiful tapestry, our lives are made up of the influence, examples, teachings, and love from a variety of people. One of the great blessings and purposes of this life is the opportunity we each have to weave our lives into the lives of others. Life is the intertwining of a variety of relationships that help us on our path to eternal life.
From the day of our birth, we make this journey "in company." We begin in families with our mother and father. Our relationships expand with brothers and sisters. We make friends. We learn from teachers. We look for examples to follow. We cherish the counsel of those who have gone before us—mentors, grandparents, and church leaders. All these contribute greatly to create a beautiful tapestry.
Today I would like you to think of the many relationships in your life that are helping you on the path to eternal life. Ponder the following questions: Who has played an important part in weaving your tapestry to this point? What kind of relationships are you choosing now that will contribute to your tapestry? What are you doing to weave your life into the lives of others? And finally, are you making the Savior the most important part of your life—your tapestry?
Now, think back on your life. Who are the people who have woven vivid threads into your life? What values or characteristics have they exemplified that you have woven into your life?
The relationship of Ruth and Naomi in the Bible is a wonderful example of how we can learn from those who are older and wiser. As you'll recall, Naomi had lost her husband and sons. One of those sons had been married to Ruth and we all know the story. Ruth stayed with Naomi and accompanied her mother-in-law to Bethlehem. But Ruth did more than just follow her. Ruth looked to the example of Naomi. She trusted her. She was obedient to her. She recognized Naomi as a woman of virtue and embraced the values she upheld. Following her righteous example, Ruth became known as a woman of virtue among the people of Bethlehem as Boaz declared, "… for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman" (Ruth 3:11).
We learn from and become like those with whom we associate. I love the scripture in Doctrine & Covenants 88:40, and I quote it often to my grandchildren, many of whom are just like you—attending college, choosing examples to follow, being influenced by mentors, and seeking an eternal companion: "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence, wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light." Seek to follow those who can weave these characteristics into your life—your tapestry.
I especially like the phrase "virtue loveth virtue. "As many of you may know, the value of Virtue was added as the eighth value to the Young Women Theme on November 28, 2008. Virtue is defined as a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. It includes chastity and purity. I invite you to study and learn about this value. Striving to be virtuous will qualify you for the gift of the Holy Ghost. You will need the guidance of the Holy Ghost to navigate through this life. You must be pure to enter His holy house. Look for those who love virtue—cleave to those who have the Spirit and bring light into your life.
As I think about those who have had a positive impact on my life, I realize that they strive to be virtuous. Who are the examples of virtue in your life? What are they like? How is your life different because of their commitment to be virtuous? Let me share some examples from my own life.
My grandmother was a virtuous woman. She had "no desire to do evil" (see Alma 19:33) but "to do good to all men" (see Galatians 6:10). She didn't have much in the way of worldly wealth, but she had a very charitable heart. She was a talented quilt maker and believed that everyone deserved to be warm. She would scrimp and save for fabric remnants and tried to make one quilt a week. Where did they go? To anyone that she felt was needy—the boy who delivered her newspaper, the mailman, and her neighbors.
My mother is a woman of virtue. She always does what she says she will do. My father was in a mine explosion when I was just 16 months old. With his loss of one eye and multiple health challenges, my mother had to take over a lot of my father's responsibilities in our home. She wanted the best for her two young children. She taught us to be honest. She had to go to work to meet our financial obligations, but her family was her first priority. She would get up at 4:00 a.m. to ensure that we had clean clothes, a clean home, and good meals. Even today, at age 87, I can count on her love and support. I asked her to complete the new Virtue Value Experiences and Project with me. This was her response: "Yes, I will. A mother will do anything for her children."
My Aunt Carma was a woman of virtue. She was clean and pure spiritually. It was the example of her home that influenced me deeply to be faithful in the gospel. When my father was injured, my aunt became my caregiver during the day while my mother worked. I felt the Spirit in her home. It was a home of faith, prayer, and joy. As I attended Primary with her, I watched her teach and bear testimony of the Savior. She was full of light and I wanted to be like her.
The women I described understood virtue and developed patterns of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. Life was challenging for each of them, but they had developed an inner strength and commitment to do that which was right "at all times and in all things and in all places" (see Mosiah 18:9), regardless of how hard it was or what others might think.
Young men, you may be thinking that virtue is a feminine characteristic and asking yourself, how does this apply to me? Well, it applies to all who hope to qualify for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. It is required for each of us to be worthy to enter the temple. In a recent CES Fireside, Sister Elaine S. Dalton suggested that your generation could "be known for your purity and virtue and for your courage and strength in leading the rest of the world in a return to virtue." She said: "In order to do this, each of us must be guardians of virtue. Young women, guard your personal virtue. It really is, as Mormon described, ‘most dear and precious above all things' (Moroni 9:9), and so are you. You are daughters of God. You carry within yourselves the sacred power to create mortal life and to become mothers of Heavenly Father's choice and pure spirits. It is one of God's greatest gifts to His precious daughters…Young men, you too are guardians of virtue. You hold priesthood power—the power to bless and to act for God here on the earth. The Lord has said to all priesthood holders, ‘Practice virtue and holiness before me' (D&C 38:24). Guard your personal virtue, your thoughts, what you view, what you say, and your actions." ("Zion is the Pure in Heart," CES Fireside for Young Adults, September 13, 2009)
I would ask you to ponder those people in your life who have guarded their virtue. How have their examples influenced your life? What threads have they woven into your life?
Now, the second question: What kind of relationships are you choosing now that help you remain virtuous and will contribute to your beautiful tapestry?
You are now at a time in your life when you are making many choices. Away from the influence of your family, you have greater freedom to choose friends. It is a time when sociality is very important. We are cautioned in For the Strength of Youth to "Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become" (p. 12).
Finding and making friends seems much more complex now than it did when I was your age. It's hard to know whom you can trust. Honesty and integrity are not as valued as they once were. Integrity is defined as a "steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical codes; the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness" (Integrity. (n.d.) In Dictionary.com. Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/). A person of integrity "stands for truth and righteousness" regardless the circumstances or resulting consequences.
Common thinking of many today is that a little lying or a little cheating is all right, as long as you don't get caught. Many justify their unrighteous actions. Let me read the result of such faulty thinking found in 2 Nephi 28:8:
"And there shall also be many which shall say: eat drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God."
A little lying, a little cheating, or taking a little unfair advantage are not acceptable to the Lord (see 2 Nephi 28:8–9). The scriptures warn that these are Satan's ways to lead us "carefully down to [destruction]" (2 Nephi 28:21).
There is a wholeness or consistency in what a person of integrity says or does. Not only in his actions, but more importantly, in his thoughts and in his heart. A person of integrity is the same 24 hours a day, seven days a week. One of Satan's greatest tools that he is using as of late is to convince us that it is acceptable to live dual lives. A person living a dual life may live one way on Sunday and quite another on Saturday night or with different friends.
The Internet encourages us to create a virtual world, a second life, a new, counterfeit identity, and many are becoming addicted to such deceptions. An article I read in March's Fortune magazine about Facebook noted that "This addictive quality keeps Facebook's typical user on the site for an average of 169 minutes a month…" ("How Facebook is Taking Over Our Lives," Fortune, March 2, 2009, p. 50). Think of the amount of time behind a computer or on a cell phone that could be used in serving one another, communicating face to face, developing a REAL rather than a virtual relationship. The article went on to actually advocate the possibility of presenting many faces to the world. I continue the quote: "[We can] present different faces to the different people in our lives: An ‘anything goes' page we share with pals might not be appropriate for office mates—or for the moms and grandmas who increasingly are joining the site."
I ask you, is this integrity? Elder David A. Bednar, in a CES Fireside in March of this year, gave a warning about such activity. He said, "Today I raise an apostolic warning about the potentially stifling, suffocating, suppressing and constraining impact of some kinds of cyberspace interactions and experiences upon our souls…Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, ear buds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the internet, that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication" ("Things as They Really Are," CES Fireside for Young Adults, May 3, 2009).
Are you a person of integrity? Is your behavior consistent—even when you are alone, even when no one is watching? Can you be trusted 24 hours a day, seven days a week? These are tough questions for all of us. None of us is perfect, but hopefully each of us can strive to be a trusted friend—a person of integrity.
Now, the next question: What am I doing to weave my life into the lives of others? Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, "We show our integrity by caring and serving others" ("Personal Integrity," Ensign, May 1990, pg. 30). True disciples of Jesus Christ desire to serve those around them.
President Thomas S. Monson can respond to this third question as well as anyone. He has woven his life into the lives of thousands of people through his daily acts of service. In his last conference address, he told of Dr. Jack McConnell. "Dr. McConnell grew up in the hills of southwest Virginia in the United States as one of seven children of a Methodist minister and a stay-at-home mother. Their circumstances were very humble. He recounted that during his childhood, every day as the family sat around the dinner table, his father would ask each one in turn, ‘And what did you do for someone today?'(Jack McConnell, "And What Did You Do for Someone Today?" Newsweek, June 18, 2001, pg. 13)
President Monson asked each of us to "Find someone who is having a hard time or is ill or lonely, and do something for him or her" (Thomas S. Monson, "What Have I Done for Someone Today?" October 2009, Sunday Morning Session, 179th Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). I promise that weaving your life into someone else's through thoughtful, meaningful service will be one of the greatest gifts you can give, not only to President Monson, but to yourself.
Let me share with you a recent experience that has blessed my life. About six months ago, I noticed a woman sitting in Sunday School in my ward. I had never seen her before. I was prompted to go sit by her during Relief Society. We introduced ourselves as the meeting began. A few minutes later, she turned to me with a somewhat scared look in her eyes and said: "I haven't been to Church in years. I have been free of alcohol and drugs for ten months." I patted her hand and told her I was glad she was in church. A few minutes later she said, "I usually feel so uncomfortable in Church, but I have loved the meetings today." I again reassured her that she was in the right place. At the end of the meeting, she asked me if she could give me a call in the coming week. I gave her my number and we said our good-byes. Monday came—no call. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday came—no call. Finally on Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from her. She told me how hard it had been to get the courage to call me. It was the Friday before General Conference, and I invited her to attend the Sunday morning session with me. It was a wonderful experience for both of us. She was touched deeply by the music of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and particularly the conference messages on the Atonement. She was very emotional when President Monson stopped on his way out and waved to the large congregation in the Conference Center. He was right in front of the section in which she was sitting. She said, "I felt like he was looking right at me and knew I was there."
The journey back has been challenging for her. It has taken a variety of people to help her get back on the path to eternal life. She has had to give up her addictions, which has been incredibly difficult. She sought help from Alcoholics Anonymous. She needed a wave from a prophet of God to help her know of her worth in the sight of God. She needed a friend to encourage her to keep coming to Church. She has reconnected with her parents and siblings. Words can't describe the joy they are experiencing in having their daughter back. She needs a bishop to help her through the repentance process. She needs to give up her old friends and find new friends who will help her live the gospel of Jesus Christ.
As I was preparing this talk, I received a text message from her that demonstrates her need for righteous relationships in her life. It said: "I just wanted to say hi and I'm really excited. Kathy, the Relief Society President, called me today and invited me to a homemaking night at Church next week. Also, I wanted to tell you something they tell us in Alcoholics Anonymous: ‘What I can't do by myself, WE can do together.' Thanks for being my ‘WE'. "
One of my friend's concerns is that she has lost so much time in learning about the gospel. WE are learning about the gospel TOGETHER to give her a basic understanding of gospel truths. She will be better and I will be better because WE are helping each other. It's all about relationships!
I mentioned that I have been doing the Virtue Value Experience and Project with my 87-year-old mother. It has been a sweet blessing for both of us. Together we have studied the definition of virtue. We have learned how being virtuous qualifies us for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We have read Alma chapter 5 and answered the many questions, which really is an introspective exercise on whether or not you've truly had "a mighty change of heart." We have learned that in order to remain virtuous we must repent. We have encouraged each other in reading the entire Book of Mormon. We soon will have completed it—together.
This leads us to our last question: Are you making the Savior the most important part of your life—your tapestry?
Let me point you back again to my cloth and the metallic gold threads running through it. The gold threads give it strength and light. It is through the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we receive the strength to remain virtuous, to live with integrity, and to serve and bless the lives of others.
In the Bible Dictionary, under the word "Grace," we learn: "A word that occurs frequently in the New Testament, especially in the writings of Paul. The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by his atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality, every person receiving his body from the grave in a condition of everlasting life. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts."
On the day my friend and I went to general conference, I shared with her the Virtue Value Experiences and Project. Most sincerely she asked me, "Do you think I can ever be a virtuous woman?" With confidence I told her, "Yes!" It will take, however, the redeeming power of the Atonement for that to be possible. It will take a "mighty change of heart." It will take a repentance process that is not easy and it will take time—but it can be done. I'm happy to report that she is on her way, but she also needs the enabling power of the Atonement to become that virtuous woman. This enabling power will give her the "strength and assistance" from our Savior to become that virtuous woman and stay on the path to eternal life. I have witnessed this enabling power in my life and in the lives of others.
When Elder Cook and I were called to Mongolia, we were trained at the Missionary Training Center and traveled to Mongolia with two young elders. We came to know them very well. One elder came from a rather dysfunctional family. He had very little support from home. Mostly an aunt raised him, but he had some good friends who took him to Church and encouraged him to go on a mission. While in the Missionary Training Center, his mind was not on missionary work. He was worried about his future and talked a lot about how he could get into a university and get an education, as he had not done well in high school.
When he got to Mongolia, we saw a dramatic change in him. He could see that there was much work to be done and he was needed. He focused on missionary work. He was obedient and worked hard. He became our best trainer. He loved his companions and let them get experience teaching the discussions. He had been told all his life about the wrong things he did. He didn't let that happen to his companions. When they made mistakes in the language, he helped them. Everyone wanted to be his companion because he gave them a chance. He became fluent in a difficult language and served a wonderful mission. Upon his return, a small university took a chance and admitted him. He had much to learn and it took him a long time to get through school, eventually transferring to Brigham Young University.
Three years ago, we received an email from this elder. You should know that this came some 12 years after we met him in the MTC. The email said, "Recently I got an invitation to a special luncheon for BYU students graduating with honors. Can you believe it, a boy who got a 17 on the ACT is now about to graduate with honors from BYU? The Lord truly has blessed me. When I was eighteen, I heard a saying something like, ‘the Lord can do more with your life than you can, so why not let Him?' Let Him I have and I am currently doing and receiving greater things and happiness than I could have ever imagined."
That statement actually came from For the Strength of Youth. It says: "…the Lord will make much more out of your life than you can by yourself. He will increase your opportunities, expand your vision, and strengthen you. He will give you the help you need to meet your trials and challenges. You will find true joy as you come to know your Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, and feel their love for you"( p. 42).
Do you believe that the Lord can help you? Do you have faith in the redeeming and enabling powers of our Savior's Atonement? Do you believe that you can receive strength and assistance through Him to do good works?
Like my friends, we must turn to our Savior for help. It is through his atoning sacrifice that we can become clean and virtuous. Virtue will help us to be worthy to attend the temple and receive the blessings found there. It will allow us to access the enabling power of the atonement for the strength to do whatever needs doing. "We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company" (Psalms 55:14). It was never intended that we pursue this mortal journey alone. My hope is that we will ponder the relationships in our lives. Give thanks to those who have blessed your life. Choose your friends wisely and live the kind of life that will bless the lives of many. Come to know our Savior who will give you the strength to do all things—that you may be worthy to enter His holy house and someday return to His presence.
The principles I have taught today are integral to the plan of happiness. They are true. I pray for each of you that you may enjoy the sweet blessings that come from fostering righteous relationships. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.