Perhaps this past summer you heard about the problems of a Mormon family, the Smiths, from Cedar City, Utah. For their vacation, they went hiking and camping in Yellowstone Park.
Unfortunately, on the second day of their excursion, the family found themselves face-to-face with a large bear and her cubs. The Smith children immediately looked to their parents for guidance. Thinking quickly, Brother Smith said: "Pray that it's a Mormon bear!" They did. When they looked up, the Smiths heard the mama bear say: "Thank you for this food, and please bless it that it will nourish and strengthen our bodies."
I enjoy this bit of humor for several reasons. One is that with a smile it pokes fun at the tendency to pray from habit rather than with faithful consideration. Today I would like to speak on prayer and the importance of carefully pondering what we should ask for. This topic is relevant because praying in appropriate ways opens up the way for blessings to flow into our lives. And it may be that at this time, you are in special need of blessings and guidance. While at BYU Hawaii you might make choices regarding whom to marry, when to have children, what to major in, and where to look for jobs. Or perhaps now that you are living away from home you may find yourself struggling with your testimony and wanting to gain your own assurance that God is there for you. You may also find that beyond these major life choices, you are faced with daily challenges such as homesickness, ill health, debt, or conflict. Or perhaps you are someone who sends up "sparrow prayers"1 for such things as finding keys, getting a babysitter when you need one, or having the bus come when you are in a hurry and need to get to your job on time. My sense is that God delights in answering all these kinds of prayers and generously sharing with us His tender mercies.
However, the Bible Dictionary suggests that obtaining these blessings is not just about asking, it is even not just about asking in faith. Prayer is a process of reconciliation with Heavenly Father. It is a process of finding out His will and aligning and reconciling our will to His. Make no mistake about it, this is no easy task. In fact, Enos refers to it as "wrestling."2 The Bible Dictionary definition of prayer alludes to such a process of reconciliation. It reads:
"Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is the appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."3
One of the many blessings of such a process of reconciliation is that when we pray to the Father, He becomes our divine tutor, teaching us how and what to pray for. As He tutors us and guides us, we will know more fully the character and attributes of God. As parents we follow this pattern as we tutor our own children. We reward our babies when they smile. We teach our children about respectful tones, sarcastic tones, and tones of tenderness. And we teach, through example and conversation, when those tones are appropriate. Because we are unique and because we converse with other unique people, we create varied patterns of communication with one another. I do this with my own children. With my oldest daughter, I can explain first and then listen. With my youngest daughter, I have learned that I should listen first and then explain. While our family has developed general conversational patterns, we also adapt our patterns of talking to one another specifically. It is no different with Heavenly Father, who teaches us general principles and adapts his tutoring to our own individual hearts and circumstances.
Conversational patterns also change over time and context. The way we communicate with Heavenly Father will grow more rich and varied as we come to know Him better and as we expand our commitment to Him. You can see examples of communication patterns changing in your own lives. I remember very well, when Chad and I had been married for about two years and met for lunch one day outside of the Harold B. Lee Library in Provo. On our way to the Cougareat, we observed a younger couple also meeting up outside the library. In my memory, the young man tentatively took the young woman's hand and asked in hushed tones: "Do you like movies?" She answered with enthusiasm: "Yes!" The young man said, as if it were a marvel: "I do too." Chad and I, as part of our conversation, looked at each other and smiled knowingly. Our smiles conveyed without words that we had once been at that exploratory stage but were now at a much, much, much more mature stage. We not only knew that we liked movies, we even knew which movies we liked and why. Our conversations have changed over the years as we came to know one another more deeply and shared experiences. Chad and I have built a conversational history that allows us to use certain forms of shorthand-such things as looks, terms, or stories- that evoke the past and lay out the future. Our conversations both reveal us to one another and shape our relationship.
In our relationship with Heavenly Father, we start out in the same exploratory stage as that young couple. Through prayer, we come to know Him and create our own unique patterns of communication with Him. We can learn to distinguish when it is the Lord prompting us or when it is our own yearnings playing on our emotions. We can learn to feel when He is nudging us to take a different direction or when He is pleased with us. We may feel those moments when He is proud and maybe even tickled with our choices.
Thus I would like to focus on two ideas about conversing with God. There are many I could choose from-perhaps why it is that God sometimes does not answer our prayers but lets us learn on our own or perhaps the role humility plays in prayer. However, today I would like to focus on these two ideas: experimenting with the requests we make and using our prayers to consecrate.
With the unlucky Smith family in mind, I have long wondered how to know what to ask for in my prayers. Can I pray with faith to be healed if I am not sure it is what God wants? I sense there is a way through this conundrum from the account of Nephi, the son of Helaman, who was promised that whatever he asked for would be sealed in heaven-it was a heavy promise to say the least.4 Obviously the Lord trusted Nephi not to ask inappropriately. But for me the story is further complicated by the fact that Nephi prays for a famine in order to bring the Nephites back to God.5 As someone who lived in an agricultural society, he knew as well as anyone that famine brings hunger and death. What gave Nephi the knowledge and confidence to ask for such a thing?
It is helpful in this case to turn to another ancient prophet, Alma the Younger, who wrote about faith as a process. It is understandable that Alma, who knew so much about repentance, would write about process. I have wondered what it was like for Alma after he saw the angel. Did his former friends doubt his sincerity and disdain him? Did those he had insulted and mocked distrust him? Did his past conversations make it difficult to remove labels acquired over time? Most likely in the days following his conversion, he found it challenging to persuade others that he had really changed.
What about his own internal struggles? Just because Alma had repented and wanted to serve God didn't mean that the old pathways of thinking and conversing were not still there or that he automatically knew what to replace them with. As someone who had rallied others against the Church, Alma was charismatic and persuasive. If he had used sarcasm and flattery to persuade, was it difficult for him to find new ways of speaking when he began to share the gospel? If he was used to relying on his own intelligence and charm, was it difficult to learn to rely on the Spirit? It is likely that even when he believed in Christ and even though he no longer desired to do evil, Alma still had to learn how change his patterns of thinking and communicating. And one wonders that since it took an angel to get his attention, did he struggle to recognize the sometimes quiet, peaceful voice of the Spirit.
That his patterns changed over time is affirmed by the fact that he taught the Zoramites to repent and to know God by teaching them how to do it through a process of building faith. In the Book of Alma, it is recorded that the Zoramites "were perverting the ways of the Lord, and . . . [that] the people [began] to bow down to dumb idols."6 The Zoramites prayed in public, repetitious monologues rather than in engaging in sacred conversations with deity. Thus when Alma worked with the Zoramites, he could draw on his own process of finding faith and teach them to experiment with their prayers as a means of finding God. Alma said to them:
"[W]e will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed . . . behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves-It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea it beginneth to be delicious to me. . . . but if it growth not, behold it is not good. . . . O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good."7
While Alma used this metaphor to teach the process of gaining a testimony, the metaphor works equally well in teaching us a process of learning what to ask in prayer. Let me change the wording just a bit to illustrate my point about the process of prayer a little more fully.
"Now, we will compare what we are asking for in our prayer to a seed. Now, if ye give place to that question in your heart, and if it be a true seed, or a good seed . . . behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves-It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the question is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea it beginneth to be delicious to me. . . . but if it growth not, behold it may be that I need to experiment and alter the request."8
The idea of experimenting with our requests to the Lord opens up multiple avenues of conversing Him. I'd like to share a personal experience to illuminate what I mean. In my Patriarchal Blessing I was told that I would have the health I need to meet the challenges of raising my family. However, about ten years ago I began to develop some very challenging health problems, one of which was not being able to sleep. It is no accident that sleep deprivation is used by those who torture others, because sleep deprivation is agony. Finally, after years of not getting enough sleep, I wondered if my Patriarchal Blessing included the promise of health so that I would have the faith to pray for sleep. I pled with the Lord that I would sleep through the night. I put my name in the temple. I researched the topic of sleep, reading any article I could find on it. I went to doctors. I tried everything I could think of. Still I was a walking zombie, who could barely get through the day. This situation was puzzling to me because I believed the Lord had put the blessing of health in my Patriarchal Blessing as a prompt, or a seed, for me to pray about. Yet sleep did not come. Then I thought about what Alma said. Maybe I needed to experiment with the prayer I took to the Lord. I altered my prayer. Instead of asking the Lord to bless me with sleep, I asked that I be led to information that would help me sleep. Within a couple of weeks of experimenting with this prayer, I was searching on the internet on a completely unrelated topic, and within minutes found two new pieces of information regarding sleep deprivation and its causes. I was able to adjust my behavior and have moved from sleep approximately four hours a night to seven.
I am so grateful that the Lord tutored me in my prayers. He gave me a prompt in my Patriarchal Blessing of what question, or seed, I should choose for my prayers. It took some experimenting to find exactly the right one. I am so grateful that the Lord did not give me my request with my first prayer but gave me the room to experiment. If He had immediately answered my pleadings for sleep, I might never have learned what was preventing me from getting a good night's rest and that might have meant that I would have had to spend energy for the rest of my life on prayers for sleep. Instead, when I altered my prayer, it opened the way for the Lord to bless me with knowledge. That knowledge is bringing sleep and energy. And part of the blessedness of it, is that I now can spend my time conversing with the Lord about other things besides sleep.
Experimenting with what we pray for is an important step to learning to communicate with God. Another important pattern of prayer is consecration. To consecrate is to dedicate something "to a sacred purpose."9 When we choose to pray, we move to sacred ground; but that sacred ground does not automatically mean that our prayers consecrate our wrestlings to a sacred purpose. Again, it is Alma the Younger who teaches us about the process of intertwining our daily lives with the sacred. In talking to his son Helaman, Alma urged him to "[C]ry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever."10
Going in prayer to the Lord is one way of placing our affections on Him, which prepares us to let all of our doings "be unto the Lord." This is the very process that Enos went through. He wrote: "[M]y soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for my own soul.11 Then "there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away."12 Enos approached the Lord with legitimate concerns centered on his own life and while praying found Himself curious about the workings of the Lord. Enos asked: "Lord, how is it done?"13 Then the Lord answered: "Because of thy faith in Christ."14 The taste of this conversation was sweet, and Enos didn't want the conversation to end--he was in dialogue with God. Enos continued: "Now, it came to pass that when I had heard these words I began to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites: wherefore, I did pour out my whole soul unto God for them."15
See how similar Enos' experience was to what Alma taught about process? Enos planted a seed, asking for the support of the Lord. He connected with the Lord, and through this process his soul was expanded. That expansion included adding a new request, one where he began to think beyond himself and to the task that occupies the Father--the eternal life of His children. And so through the process experimenting with prayer, Enos began to consecrate his purpose to that of serving God and committing himself to the work of eternal life. As Enos' soul expanded, his prayer and his desires became consecrated to the Lord
The process of consecration is the process of aligning our will with God and His purposes. This can be very, very challenging, particularly if we come to Him in prayer with something we care deeply about. It may be that when we kneel down we are far, far away from wanting God's will. It may be that we are full of despair for where we are at in life or maybe even for what we sense God asks of us. Perhaps this was the case with Joseph Smith when he was in the cold, dank cave of Liberty Jail. While there he asked:
"O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?"16
It is feelings such as these expressed by Joseph Smith that often leave us hungering and the thirsting for God. Feelings such as anger, depression, and jealousy can be the beginning of the process of consecration if we approach God with them and lay them on His altar for healing. Such feelings, though, are difficult to transform. At those moments, our sincere prayers for help allow God to bless us without casting aside our free agency. Our petition gives Him the space to help lift us from where we are to a new place, where we understand and desire His will.
It is often through the process of learning what questions to ask, that Lord can help us transform our feelings. Once I was caught in a conflict with a dear friend who seemed to be moving away from Heavenly Father and in the process of that was doing things in our relationship that caused me great pain. I prayed that my friend would stop doing things that hurt me. However, this prayer never felt right. I shared my unease with another friend who knew both of us, and he suggested that my prayer centered too much on me and not the wellbeing of my friend. I then went home and experimented with my prayers. I found that if I prayed that my friend would feel God's love and return to Him, I had a completely different feeling. It was a feeling of light, of joy, and amazingly of great love. It was, as Alma said, a swelling motion that enlarged my soul, and it enlightened my understanding. It was delicious. This was a process where Heavenly Father tutored me on how to refine my prayer. Ironically, at the very same time that my prayer became less about me, it became part of the process of my own healing. As I prayed for my friend in a better way, I experienced firsthand the Lord's promise that love casts out fear.17
Alma, in teaching his son Helaman, also taught that it was not just in events and feelings that loom large on our horizon that we should consecrate ourselves, but that we should give prayers of consecration even in our daily tasks. He said:
"Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God: and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day."18
Seeking the Lord's counsel in all our doings is not just about asking what He wants us to do, it is also about choosing to center our daily doings with God's purposes in mind. About two years ago I graduated with my Ph.D, and since that time I have been somewhat irritated with my lack of improvement in my teaching. Perhaps naively, I had anticipated that once I went through the process of getting a doctorate I would become not only a better scholar but a better teacher. Instead, as I moved back into the classroom, I saw with even more clarity my teaching deficiencies. I decided to make this a matter of prayer. In the evenings and before class, I prayed to be a good teacher. As time passed, I felt like I was making little progress. Clearly, it was time to select another seed, another way of conceptualizing what I should pray for. I learned from Enos and prayed for my students' welfare. What I mean by this is that I didn't just ask that they would learn. I asked that I might be part of helping them return to Heavenly Father and that as part of that endeavor I would be inspired to help them see and understand the workings of the world better in order to magnify their agency and choose the good path-that they could act rather than be acted upon. I am still in the midst of this process of planting and tending to this seed, but I can report that as I have chosen to focus more on the work of the Father and more on the welfare of my students I have experienced an increase of inspiration in the classroom and feel more often the sweet quickening of the Spirit.
Not only can prayers of consecration help us develop and expand our ability to serve. But they can allow us to work in concert with others who desire to work with God. In a talk at BYU Provo, Chieko Okazaki related an example from her life of how her prayer of consecration coordinated with the inspired work of other people in Portland.
"Brothers and sisters, let me share with you how I came to speak on this topic. I was the first counselor of the general presidency in the Relief Society at that time, and when I was invited to speak in Portland, I asked the stake Relief Society president about her concerns and the needs of the women in that area. When she sent me the list, one topic leaped out at me: sexual abuse. I felt a burden laid upon me from the Spirit that this was the message I was to speak in Portland. This was a very difficult thing for me to do. When I speak of love or faith or service or sisterhood, I often sense an easing of burdens and brightening in the feelings of those I address. Would this topic add to the burdens and intensify the pain of those who were already suffering? Did I know enough to be helpful, or would I injure those through clumsiness and ignorance? I fasted and prayed. I thought deeply and continually during the period of preparation. I consulted the stake president in the area. Most of all, I sought the Spirit of the Savior, that I would fulfill the responsibility laid upon me in the way that he would have me to do, that I would speak with clarity and with comfort for my own place of love and trust, that I could put an arm around a struggling sister and for a few steps help her walk the long, painful path of spiritual healing. My prayers were answered. In Portland I discovered that I had come to a place and a people prepared to hear this message. Several groups were already dealing explicitly with the support and healing of survivors. Priesthood leaders were informed, understanding, and supportive. I felt heard. People told me that they understood my message and felt the witness of the Spirit. It was both a sobering and an uplifting experience for me, and it has continued."19
Heavenly Father was not working just with Sister Okazaki. He also was a working with people in Portland to tend to the needs of some of His children. Their consecrated prayers allowed him to coordinate and maximize people's efforts in doing good.
Today I would like to end with a prayer given by Paul, where he asked for a blessing on the Ephesians. It is a prayer that suggests that Paul spent many years experimenting with what to ask God, it is a prayer of consecration, it is a prayer that testifies that when we pray we can tap into the expansive power of God. Paul's prayer is also the prayer of my heart for those of us gathered today.
"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. "20 1. Chieko N. Okazaki, Being Enough (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 2004), 131-65.
2. Enos, 2
3. "Bible Dictionary," The Holy Bible (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1987), 752-53.
4. Helaman 10:6-7.
5. Helaman 11:4.
6. Alma 31:1.
7. Alma 32:28, 32, 35.
8. Adapted from Alma 32:28, 32, 35.
9. Merriam-Webster Online, Internet; accessed 15 November 2008.
10. Alma 37:36.
11. Enos 4.
12. Enos 5-6.
13. Enos 7.
14. Enos 8.
15. Enos 9.
16. Doctrine and Covenants 121:1-3.
17. 1 John 4:18.
18. Alma 37:37.
19. Chieko Okazaki, "Healing from Sexual Abuse," Presentation given at Brigham Young University on October 23, 2002; Internet, accessed 14 November 2008.
20. Ephesians 3:14-21.