President and Sister Kauwe, faculty members, distinguished guests, and my dear young friends here at BYU–Hawaii—ALOHA!
It feels surreal to stand here today.
Years ago, I was sitting where many of you are sitting now, listening to devotional speakers and quietly seeking answers about my life.
I wondered: What should I do with my future? Where should I pursue my career? Should I work first, or attend a graduate school? What does the Lord expect me to become?
And, of course, there was another very important question:
Where is my eternal companion?
Could it possibly be the girl sitting next to me—even though I had not even started dating her yet?
More than a decade later, I am standing at this podium, praying that perhaps something I say today might be an answer to the prayer of even one of you.
And that girl who once sat next to me in this building is the woman who just spoke to you. She has now stood beside me for almost thirteen years of marriage.
She means the world to me.
Alice spoke about trade-offs—giving up time, comfort, or even some of our personal wishes for something better in the Lord’s eyes.
I would like to continue that thought.
I have learned that when we are willing to place something on the altar, the Lord does not simply take something away from us.
Very often, He uses that experience to make something more of us.
So today I want to speak about two words:
Define and refine.
Let Heavenly Father define who you are.
Then let the Lord, our Savior Jesus Christ, refine who you can become.
Many of you are at a stage of life when you are trying to define yourselves.
What is my major? What will my career be? Who will I marry? Will I succeed? Am I good enough—or perhaps more often, do I look good enough?
Sometimes we allow the answers to those questions to define us.
A school ranking defines us. A job offer—or rejection—defines us. Our appearance defines us. Other people’s opinions define us. Sometimes even our own mistakes begin to define us.
But I want to remind you of something very simple:
You do not need the world to define who you are.
You are a child of God.
You are an heir of the Most High God.
Before you received a diploma, a job offer, or your first promotion—and even before anyone here knew your name—God knew you.
Your divine identity is not something you earn. It is part of your eternal identity—a truth engraved in your spiritual DNA.
If you do not yet have a testimony of that truth, I invite you to find out for yourself.
Kneel down in prayer. It is always a good place to start.
Ask Heavenly Father:
“Father, are You really there?”
“Do You love me?”
“What do You see in me?”
I know that as you sincerely seek Him, you will come to know that His love for you is real. I testify of this because I have experienced that journey myself.
But knowing our identity is only the beginning.
We do not need to prove our worth to God. But because we know who we are, we have a responsibility to choose who we will become.
Our identity is given by God.
Our discipleship is our response.
And in the space between who we are today and who God knows we can become, there is a process.
That process is refining.
The scriptures describe the Savior as one who “shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” [1]
I love that image.
A refiner does not throw away the silver because it is imperfect. He sees what is valuable in it, applies heat, removes what does not belong, and brings out something purer.
I believe the Savior works with us in a similar way.
And that refining process does not always feel comfortable.
Sometimes He asks us to give up a good plan for a better one. Sometimes He asks us to wait. Sometimes He closed a door—or asked us to walk through a door we never intended to open.
The hardest trade-offs are often not between something good and something bad.
They are between something good and something better in the Lord’s eyes.
I learned this through my own career.
Before I began working for the Church, I spent many years in the commercial world. Early in my career, I had opportunities to work with The Ritz-Carlton and The Walt Disney Company. Later, I joined a leading Taiwanese licensing company, where I oversaw international business development.
I really, really enjoyed my work.
I loved studying consumers, turning insights into strategies, developing products, and seeing those efforts contribute to business growth.
I knew what I was good at, and I had a clear vision of what I could become in that industry.
Then, as I began thinking about my next step, a thought came to me:
“No matter how successful you become in this industry, you are still selling toys.”
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with selling toys—or any consumer product! They are all good.
The real question was:
What kind of impact do I want my life to have?
I realized that I wanted to invest more of myself in people and bring meaningful change into individual lives.
Around that same time, through a referral from a good friend, I received a call from the Church area office, and here I am.
President Russell M. Nelson’s message “Let God Prevail” had deeply inspired me—especially his invitation to allow God’s will to prevail over our personal pursuits. [2]
But it was not an easy decision.
I loved what I was doing. The company was preparing to go public. I had the momentum in my career and had spent years developing my skills.
I wondered:
If I leave now, what happens to everything I have built?
Will I be able to use these skills?
Am I walking away from something I may never get back?
That was the trade-off.
I did not know where the new path would lead.
But I chose to follow it.
At the time, I thought the Lord was asking me to give something up.
Looking back, I realize He was not discarding the experiences and skills I had developed.
He was refining their purpose.
Those same skills could now be used differently—to develop people, strengthen programs, build partnerships, and hopefully make a meaningful difference in individual lives.
I could not see that clearly then.
I can see it now.
Through experiences like this, I have learned a simple pattern for seeking personal revelation:
Think critically.
Pray precisely.
Act faithfully.
First, think critically.
The Lord gave you a mind. Use it.
Study. Ask questions. Seek good information. Examine your motives.
Today we have more information and more powerful tools available to us than perhaps any generation before us, including AI. Use them wisely. But do not surrender your responsibility to think, reason, discern, and choose.
Tools can assist your thinking.
They cannot replace your agency or your responsibility to seek revelation.
Then, pray precisely.
Instead of only asking, “Heavenly Father, please let me know what to do,” bring Him the work you have already done.
“Father, I have studied this. I see these options. I believe this is the right direction. Is this what Thou would have me do?”
And then—
Act faithfully.
At some point, we have to get up from our knees and move.
Faith is not receiving a complete map before taking the first step.
Faith is trusting the Lord enough to take the next step.
I learned this principle right here at BYU–Hawaii.
When I just came here, my original plan was to transfer to BYU in Provo.
Sounds familiar, right?
That was the goal. I had prepared for it, spoken with an the academic advisor, and received a very positive feedback. Everything seemed to be lining up.
But when it was time to move forward, somehow I hesitated.
It was not because of my major.
It was not because I met someone special.
And it was not because of the food.
Well...
Maybe the poke and garlic shrimp helped a little.
But I remember thinking:
“This is actually a very good school.”
I liked my classes. My professors cared about me. I was learning and growing alongside people from different countries, cultures, and backgrounds.
And then the questions came into my mind:
Why do I want to transfer?
The answer was straightforward—and a little uncomfortable.
I thought BYU was a “better” school because it had a higher ranking and a stronger reputation.
But was the Lord asking me to leave?
Or had I already decided what success was supposed to look like?
Was I following revelation—or following my ego?
Sometimes the thing we need to trade off is not money, time, or comfort.
Sometimes we need to trade off our own definition of success.
I took that question sincerely to the Lord.
The answer I received was clear to me—and since then become a strong testimony: these schools serve different purposes. They were not established to classify us or determine our success.
What mattered was finding the place where I could learn, grow, and become what the Lord wanted me to become.
So, I stayed.
And today, standing here, I am deeply grateful that I did.
Not simply because of what BYU–Hawaii gave me.
I am grateful for what the Lord began to make of me here.
Through these experiences, I have come to understand prayer a little differently.
Sometimes God says:
“Yes.”
And sometimes He says:
“No.”
The difficult part is that He usually does not show us the “because” immediately.
We experience the “no” before we understand the “because.”
That is where faith comes in.
Perhaps that is another way to understand a trade-off with God:
We surrender our insistence on knowing exactly how everything must turn out.
And we learn to trust Him.
President David O. McKay envisioned graduates of this school going into the world as genuine leaders—people "...whose influence would be felt for good..." in their communities, professions, nations, and the Church. [3]
I stand before you today with great humility as one small witness of that prophetic vision.
I certainly have not “arrived.” But the Lord has trusted me with opportunities to work with the rising generation and to meet remarkable people from many countries and backgrounds.
Some of them are here today—my colleagues, partners, mentors, and friends.
Our professions, expertise, and stories are different. But we share something:
We have chosen to dedicate part of our lives to help others become a better version of themselves.
Over the next few days, you will have opportunities to meet some of them. Treasure those opportunities. Ask questions. Be curious. Introduce yourself.
We are here for you.
Perhaps some of you are sitting here today with the same questions I had years ago.
Maybe you do not know what happens after graduation.
Maybe the job you wanted did not work out.
Maybe you are worried about finances or marriage.
Maybe everyone around you seems to have a plan, and you do not.
Maybe you feel that God has been silent.
Or perhaps you know exactly what you want—and you are afraid that God might ask you to change it.
You do not have to see the end from the beginning.
You only need enough faith to let God lead you through the next step.
Think critically.
Pray precisely.
Act faithfully.
And when the Lord asks you to make a trade-off, do not ask only:
“What am I losing?”
Ask:
“Lord, what are You trying to make of me?”
The Lord is not simply interested in changing our circumstances.
He is shaping us through them.
My dear friends, I testify that Jesus Christ lives.
He knows you—not merely the person you are today, but the person you can become through Him.
He knows your strengths and your weaknesses.
He knows the prayers you have not told anyone else.
He knows the plans you are holding tightly in your heart.
And He sees much further down the road than we can.
The Lord taught us:
“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.” [4]
I love that scripture because it does not promise that every disappointment will immediately make sense.
It reminds us that our view is limited. His is not.
Sometimes we cannot yet see what God is doing through a closed door, an unexpected change, a sacrifice, or a trade-off.
Sometimes we cannot yet see what He is doing with us.
But we can trust the One who sees the whole design.
Following Christ will ask something of us.
At times, we may need to surrender our comfort, our pride, our timing, or even a plan we have carefully built for ourselves.
But what the Savior offers us is greater than simply replacing what we surrender.
He offer us to refine us into the person He knows we can become—the persons He has always seen in us.
So do not let the world define you.
Let Heavenly Father define you.
And when life stretches you, challenges you, or redirects your carefully made plans, let the Savior refine you.
Remember:
Be defined by Heavenly Father.
Be refined by the Savior.
And when He calls, be brave enough to say:
“Here am I. Send me.”
In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes:
[1] 3 Nephi 24:3
[2] Russell M. Nelson, “Let God Prevail,” Ensign or Liahona, November 2020
[3] David O. McKay, “Groundbreaking & Dedication of CCH/BYU–Hawaii” [Brigham Young University–Hawaii dedication, February 12, 1955], speeches.byuh.edu
[4] Doctrine and Covenants 58:3