Brothers and sisters, aloha,
It’s a pleasure to share time and space with you on this beautiful day in Hawaii nei. It is also a privilege to participate in this wonderful tradition of sharing devotional messages here at BYU–Hawaii.
I would like to thank those who have participated in the program thus far. Mahalo nui to our BYU–Hawaii Hoʻolōkahi Chamber Choir for their inspiring performance—you sounded amazing. I also want to recognize our music faculty, who are exceptional musicians and brilliant scholars devoted to the mission of our university. We are blessed to have them here at BYUH.
My talk today explores the value of embracing the concept of ʻohana, especially during your time at BYU–Hawaii. Many of our Gen Z students likely recognize the word ʻohana from the 2002 Disney film Lilo & Stitch, and therefore know that "ʻohana means family". This film does make some accurate depictions of traditional Hawaiian notions of ʻohana, for example, the film portrays ʻohana as an extended family unit, even inclusive of a temperamental blue doglike alien, a little girl reconciling loss and family hardship, and extended family and friends. [1]
The traditional notion of ʻohana often includes extended and even non-blood-related members in the family. Even the definition of "sibling" was different, as it could include cousins or extended family members of your age group or generation. Your parents, along with your aunties and uncles, were part of a group called makua. These makua watched over all the keiki, or children, in the generation below them. Their society was shaped by a family structure that was both inclusive and extensive. ʻOhana is the quintessential representation of the adage, “it takes a village to raise a child.”
While much of the traditional ʻohana village life has changed for many families in Hawaii, several key concepts still remain, like hanai.
Hanai is a Hawaiian word meaning to adopt or foster, typically referring to a child. However, the Hawaiian dictionary also defines it as: to feed, nourish, and sustain. [2] Hanai is both an old and modern Hawaiian custom where children are hanai’d by grandparents, or aunties, uncles, often family members who couldn’t bear children, or even friends and extended family. Hanai isn’t always formalized through legal channels—sometimes it’s as simple as having a friend who sleeps over and never leaves. When I was a young man in Hilo, we hanai’d several of my friends in this way. One of them, my brother Charles Hassard, eventually became my legal brother.
Many of the early missionaries to Hawaii recounted stories of being hanai’d by Hawaiian families during their mission. Most notable among them is Joseph F. Smith.
Joseph F. Smith served as president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1901 to 1918. He is recognized for strengthening the Church’s relationship with American society after decades of tensions. During his presidency, he standardized Church curriculum, started the seminary and home evening programs, and received a revelation about the spirit world found in section 138 of the Doctrine and Covenants, and commissioned the construction of the Laie Hawaii Temple.
Born in 1838 to Hyrum and Mary Fielding Smith, Joseph F. Smith was the son of Hyrum Smith, who was the elder brother of Joseph Smith Jr. As you may know, Hyrum was martyred alongside his brother, the Prophet, in Carthage Jail in 1844. Joseph F. Smith was only five years old when he lost both his father and his uncle. Although his memory of the event was limited, he vividly recalled his mother’s anguish upon learning of his passing. Even as an adult, he refused to enter Carthage Jail due to the painful memories it evoked.
From the ages of 7 to 9, Smith led his mother and younger sister on an arduous trek westward, first to Winter Quarters, Nebraska, where he witnessed the toll of starvation and freezing conditions on hundreds of Saints, and finally to Utah, where food was scarce due to a cricket infestation upon their arrival. During the journey west, Smith was forced to take on adult responsibilities, leading and protecting his family. After navigating a heavy wagon over a thousand miles, he proudly declared that he never once got stuck, broke a wheel, or overturned the wagon.
A couple of years after settling in the Salt Lake Valley, his mother Mary fell ill and was quarantined in Heber C. Kimball’s home. After eight uncertain weeks, Mary passed away, most likely from pneumonia. Smith was 13 at the time. His sister wrote that when Joseph learned of their mother’s passing, he fainted.
From his journals and other records, we know that the hardships of his youth— including the loss of both parents, the struggle witnessed on the trek westward, and assuming the role of protector before entering his teenage years—had a profound impact on him. In his own words, he described it as “perilous times,” where “I was almost like a comet or fiery meteor without attraction or gravitation to keep me balanced or guide me within reasonable bounds.” [3]
Working to reconcile such hardship wasn’t always easy for Smith. For example, he sometimes had difficulty managing his temper as a young man, and one particular incident even led to his expulsion from school.
Charles Nibley recorded Joseph’s account of that incident. Joseph's little sister Martha was called up to be disciplined. He saw the schoolmaster bring out the leather strap, asking her to hold out her hand. Joseph spoke up loudly and said, 'Don’t whip her with that!' At that, he turned to punish Joseph instead, but instead of allowing him to, Joseph stood his ground, physically engaged with the school master, and was later expelled for it. [4]
Shortly thereafter, Smith was called on a mission to the Sandwich Islands, or Hawaii. At 15 years old, he was the youngest missionary in the field. He traveled from Utah to San Francisco by company, followed by a three-week sail to Hawaii. When he arrived in September of 1854, the Hawaii mission was still relatively young, having been established by pioneers like George Q. Cannon and others just four years prior. Thanks to the faithful service of these early missionaries and Hawaiian converts such as Kaleohano and Jonathan Nāpela, the Church had already grown to around 4,000 members by the time Smith arrived.
Like Elder Cannon, who is remembered for his faithful service among the Hawaiian Saints, Elder Smith quickly learned the Hawaiian language and was greatly respected for his sermons given in ‘ōlelo Hawaiʻi. However, the pace of conversion began to slow in 1854, possibly due to epidemics such as smallpox that were ravaging Hawaii at the time. Joseph himself fell severely ill while serving on the island of Molokai shortly after his arrival. During this precarious period, he was adopted, or hanai’d, by a young Hawaiian couple. The young wife took Joseph under her wing and cared for the ailing missionary with genuine love and aloha.
Naoheakamalu, affectionately called Ma Manuhi’i by Joseph F. Smith, became his hanai mother. As she cared for him, his health improved, and he went on to serve faithfully on Maui, Lanai, and the Big Island. Their bond lasted for decades. In 1915, as an elderly man on official Church business in Hawaii, he saw her again, embraced her, and, with tears in his eyes, introduced her to his companions, saying, “This is my mother.” Ma Manuhi’i is memorialized with a beautiful statue on the Laie Hawaii Temple grounds, near the fale behind the temple.[5] His time in Hawaii, with his new ohana and in the service of the Lord, helped him heal past wounds and move forward with aloha.
Smith’s love for his ohana and the Hawaiian people in general was evident in the reciprocal relationships he maintained throughout his life.
He continued to show aloha to his Hawaiian ohana, even in his later years as an Apostle and President of the Church. This can be seen through several examples. For instance, he supported the establishment of a Hawaiian community in Utah in 1889, known as Iosepa, or Joseph's Colony. At that time, there were only three temples in operation, and construction of the Salt Lake Temple was nearing completion. Hawaiian and other Polynesian Saints transformed the desert in Tooele County into a puʻuhonua, or sanctuary, allowing faithful saints to be closer to the temple.
Interestingly, BYU–Hawaii’s floating classroom, or double-hulled voyaging canoe, was named “Iosepa” by Bill Wallace in remembrance of his kupuna, or ancestors, from this Utah community, and also in honor of the Prophet Joseph F. Smith. A former BYU–Hawaii professor, Wallace explained that he was shown the beauty of the Iosepa Colony in a dream and was instructed in that dream to name the canoe Iosepa. [6] Elder M. Russell Ballard, the grandson of Joseph F. Smith, dedicated the Iosepa canoe at Hukilau Beach before the canoe’s maiden launch in 2001.
This is a beautiful representation of the reciprocal and timeless nature of ʻohana and aloha. Joseph F. Smith was hanai’d by a Hawaiian family, and he reciprocated that aloha to the Hawaiian community in many ways, including through the Utah colony. A grandson of those Saints in Iosepa built a treasured canoe and was guided to name it Iosepa. Finally, Joseph F. Smith’s grandson, an Apostle of the Lord, returned that aloha by blessing the canoe in 2001. The mana of aloha often endures through history, time, and space.
Joseph F. Smith returned to Hawaii many times throughout his life. One notable occasion took place in 1915, here in Laie. While walking with his travel companions, Presiding Bishop Charles C. Nibley, and U.S. Senator Elder Reed Smoot, on Lanihuli hill, where the Laie Temple stands today, President Smith said, “I feel impressed to dedicate this ground for the erection of a temple to God, for a place where the peoples of the Pacific Isles can come and do their temple work. I have not presented this to the Council of the Twelve or to my counselors; but if you think there would be no objections to it, I think now is the time…” [7]
Elder Smoot shared, “… I have heard President Smith pray hundreds of times…But never in all my life did I hear such a prayer. The very ground seemed to be sacred, and he seemed as if he were talking face to face with the Father. I cannot and never will forget it...” [8]
Joseph F. Smith was a family friend of my ohana in the late 1800s and early 1900s. On many occasions, President Smith enjoyed staying at the Fernandez homes in Honolulu and Kalihi. After joining the Church in 1895, my great-grandparents, Abraham and Minerva Fernandez—pictured here with their five children—became leaders in the Church in Hawaii and hosts to visiting leaders and missionaries.
Here is a letter from President Smith to Abraham, written in 1904. In the letter, we learn that President Smith reciprocated the Fernandez family's generosity by hosting Sister Fernandez and her daughters in Utah during their visit. He expressed his regret that Minerva was ill while at their home and was grateful to hear that she returned home safely and in good health. He also congratulated Abraham on starting a new business with his son, EK. Additionally, President Smith conveyed his gratitude to Sister Fernandez, Hattie Davis, Adelaide, Madeline, and young Minerva for visiting his home. He wrote, “My families are all usually well, and all join with me in sending aloha nui ia oukou apau,” meaning they send lots of love to everyone.
This personal correspondence highlights the importance of maintaining reciprocal relationships within your ʻohana and respecting its customs. For instance, Smith felt uneasy upon learning that his wife, Sarah, accepted $5 from Minerva for an apron she made for Sister Fernandez. Accepting money for gifts is not customary in Hawaii, and Smith made sure to apologize for this social faux pas in his letter.
I have my own experience of being welcomed into a new ʻohana when I moved to Laie and enrolled as a freshman at this great institution. Due to family financial hardships in the wake of my father’s untimely passing, I had to make ends meet. Luckily, one of my friends, who had been living at my house in Hilo, was from Laie. He said, “brah my nan lives like 50 feet from campus, just go sleep my house.” Nan, or Sister Emily Kaopua, welcomed me into her home. She gave me the nicest room in the house, and she always made a special plate of dinner for me. Her care for me was genuine and connected to this concept of reciprocal aloha.
There were others who loved me and brought me into their ohana. My campus bishop, Harry Brown, and his wife Donna, loved their ward members like their own children, giving us their love, time, and aloha. I became part of their ward ʻohana while in school. They helped me prepare and receive a mission call that year. They had become makua, hanai parents who shared in the kuleana of raising me.
As I continued my studies at BYU–Hawaii over the next few years, my Laie ʻohana was expanded by new student friends from various backgrounds. Surrounding yourself with good people, friends with similar goals, will help shape your success and happiness.
The Savior understood the value of building an ʻ ohana of friends for support. In John chapter 1, we read about Jesus calling His disciples. After inviting Andrew and Peter to follow Him, He also asks Philip and Nathanael to join Him. I love this scripture because it portrays their relationship as cordial and even a bit humorous. Jesus, knowing Nathanael harbors some negative bias toward Nazareth, says, “[Here comes the] Israelite... in whom [there] is no guile.” Nathanael responds, “How do you know me?” Jesus replies, “I saw you under the fig tree before Philip called you.” Impressed, Nathanael responds, “You are the Messiah!” Jesus’s responds: “You will see greater things than these.” [9]
In addition to finding good and supportive friends, I was also inspired by amazing professors who shaped my intellect, perspectives, and future career. I fell in love with learning through the carefully designed courses of these mentors, who worked to make learning interesting, rigorous, and inspiring.
Make the most of your time at BYU–Hawaii by creating your ʻohana here. Nurture relationships by sharing aloha and fulfilling your kuleana, or stewardship, to those around you. Engage fully in your academic studies, participate in spiritual learning, and get involved in social activities. Join clubs, attend Church meetings and events, share meals, and grow together. By creating an ʻohana and embracing your kuleana, you will open the door to ongoing blessings and the enriching cycle of aloha in your life.
Most importantly, embrace fully your place in the ‘ohana of God. Each of us is a precious daughter or son of heavenly parents. They love us more than we can comprehend. Two years ago, President Russell M. Nelson invited us to place our identity as children of God as the foremost identifier in our lives. He reminded us that “the way you think about who you really are affects almost every decision you will ever make.” [10] Let this knowledge of your true identity sink deep into your souls. Let temple worship be a regular part of your routine so you can feel our heavenly parents’ love more deeply. Theirs is the ‘ohana to which you will always belong.
While you are busy with all these things, prioritize dating and falling in love. After returning from my mission, I approached dating with seriousness. I went on dates to find someone with whom I could create a meaningful, celestial connection. Much like gospel conversion, finding an eternal companion requires faith, even without perfect understanding.
When I did find the love of my life, there was an undeniable connection that made time seem to stand still. I vividly remember being in the hallway of a Church building in Laie after releasing my 4-year-old Sunbeams students from our Primary class. When our eyes met, all the background noise faded: the squeak of shoes on the cultural hall tiles, the children with untucked shirts chasing each other, the aunties kissing cheeks, the bro hugs—everything went silent.
She was beautiful. I was instantly smitten. I walked home in a daze, threw myself onto my bed, and told my South African roommate, "I think I just met my future wife." Over the next few days, after a few more encounters, we became inseparable. Mostly, it was about the talking. We spent a lot of time just walking and talking, just face-to-face conversations. Sitting on a bench, walking on the beach, going on hikes. One-on-one, uninterrupted time, listening and just being together.
As romantic as all that sounds, and as spiritually reaffirming as those moments were, I still had some roadblocks to overcome before I could fully embrace the important commitment of marriage. Like Joseph F. Smith’s childhood trauma, I had my own experiences that I had to reconcile—witnessing the impact of divorce, death, alcohol, drug abuse, and other hardships. We dated for a year and a half, and in the 1990s, it felt like everyone was asking, “What are you waiting for?”
Honestly, “What are you waiting for?” is a crucial question. Here’s my answer: in life and relationships, time is always going to change things. People grow, situations evolve. So don’t fear the inevitability of change. A static or unchanging partner is not only unrealistic, it’s boring. The key is to accept that change is inevitable and find someone—and be someone—who can navigate an uncertain voyage through the eternities with you.
Rebekah and I have been married for almost 28 years now. The voyage has been amazing, but like any journey, it comes with both calm seas and stormy weather. Sometimes those rough waters can be unsettling, but we chose to ride the waves of life together, and it’s rewarding.
The unpredictable waves of marriage might seem intimidating, but they’re far better than staying anchored in the harbor, endlessly scrolling, caught in a cycle of questioning, doubting, and fearing the eternal voyage. Unfortunately, many voices out there discourage people from embarking on the journey of marriage, fueling fears and promoting self-centered priorities. But constantly focusing inward only leads to loneliness. Be courageous, be brave—the voyage of marriage is a grand adventure worth embarking on.
I’m grateful I found the faith to overcome the relationship roadblocks from my youth because the outcome has been eternally significant. Rebekah and I have created an ʻohana together—not just as a couple, but as parents. While raising our children, we studied at different universities, supported each other’s careers, and built an ʻohana I am deeply proud of. Marriage accelerates growth. Yes, it can be challenging, but the growth that comes from it is incredible.
For those of you who are already married, don’t stop working at it. Use the tools available to improve your communication and strengthen your relationship. My wife and I have found that gospel teachings and principles are essential to an eternal marriage.
For example, President Nelson’s key messages like:
"Keep on the Covenant Path!" [11]
"Let God Prevail" [12]
"Build bridges of understanding"[13]
"Become a peacemaker"[14] and
"Think Celestial!"[15]
offer timely and practical guidance for improving both yourself and your relationships.
We can also turn to experts, like the Gottman Institute, for advice on how to face and overcome the challenges of marriage. My personal advice is to love and show respect to one another, be humble, be prayerful, and always follow the Spirit. Face both the smooth and rough waves of your ʻohana together and in the Lord’s time.
While you are here at BYU–Hawaii, take inspiration from the story of Joseph F. Smith, who found ʻohana here in Hawaii and overcame challenges far from home. Just as he created an ʻohana—a community of support—engage with the people and resources around you. Prioritize dating and falling in love, and don’t let the uncertainties of life’s voyage stop you from experiencing an eternity of growth and exploration. Look to the Lord in everything you do and let the Spirit guide you on this amazing journey of life.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes:
[1] Sanders, Chris, De Blois, dir. Lilo & Stitch. Burbank, CA: Disney, 2002 (film)
[2] Wehewehe Wikiwiki, s.v. "Hānai," accessed September 20, 2024, https://hilo.hawaii.edu/wehe/?q=hanai
[3] Teachings of Joseph F. Smith [2011], xv
[4] Francis M. Gibbons, Joseph F. Smith: Patriarch and Preacher, Prophet of God [1984], 26–28
[5] Charles W. Nibley, "Reminiscences of Charles W. Nibley", 1934, Church History Library, Salt Lake City
[6] “The Birthing of Iosepa, 2 of 6, Voyaging Canoe Documentary and Video” (video), YouTube
[7] Richard J. Dowse, “Joseph F. Smith and the Hawaiian Temple,” in Joseph F. Smith: Reflections on the Man and His Times, ed. Craig K. Manscill, Brian D. Reeves, Guy L. Dorius, and J. B. Haws (Provo, UT: Religious Studies Center; Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2013), 279–302.
[8] Joseph Fielding Smith, The Life of Joseph F. Smith, [1938], 241
[9] John 1:43-50
[10] Russell M. Nelson, "Choice for Eternity" [worldwide devotional for young adults, May 15, 2022], Gospel Library
[11] Russell M. Nelson, "Keep on the Covenant Path!" New Era, March 2019.
[12] Russell M. Nelson, "Let God Prevail", October 2020, 92
[13] Sydney Walker, "Invitations President Nelson has given since he became President of the Church", Church News, Jun. 9, 2024
[14] Russell M. Nelson, "Peacemakers Needed", April 2023, 99
[15] Russell M. Nelson, "Think Celestial", October 2023, 117