I am grateful for the opportunity to be with you not just because of threatening snow storms currently in Rexburg, but because of the sunshine reflected in your hearts through your eyes and smiles.
I love to teach communication, and in so doing know that it is important to understand your audience. So I have done some research about you. I have come to understand the term "talk story" one of the great oral traditions in Hawaii, as the act of sharing history, ideas, opinions, and the events of the day with other people. I have learned of your stories, and who you are.
Approximately 54% of you are female and 46% male. 1/4th of you are married, and over 2/3rds of you speak two or more languages. Your average age is 25, and nearly half of you come from 70 nations making you the most ethnically diverse campus per capita in the United States.
I have also heard the story that in 1955 the prophet David O. McKay made a declaration about the students on this campus:
"From this school … will go men and women whose influence will be felt for good towards the establishment of peace internationally."
When I read this quotation, I was very touched. We live in troubled times, yet President McKay had faith, and trusts that you students will influence for good the establishment of peace not only here, but throughout the world.
It is because of this story, today I would like to focus on one of the most important lessons in establishing peace. I would like to speak to you about "understanding".
I pray for the spirit to teach us from the heart that we may truly "Apply thine heart to understanding" (Proverbs 2:2). For you are here to learn and to understand and to help others understand to fulfill this great legacy of yours given by a Prophet of God.
M. Russell Ballard wrote in defining this term:
"Understanding is a simple word that most of us use every day. But it means something that is quite remarkable. With understanding we can strengthen relationships revitalize neighborhoods, unify nations, and even bring peace to a troubled world. Without it … chaos intolerance, hate, and war are often the result."
President Hinckley shared in an article how as a missionary in England he went to the London Central YMCA. The unforgettable words that faced the visitors in the foyer were the words of Solomon:
"With all thy getting, get understanding" (Proverbs 4:7).
He goes on to state in this same article:
"Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature. There is a need for another education, without which the substance of secular learning may lead only to destruction. I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, and of the spirit. These indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another."
I don't believe that President Hinckley is trying to lessen the importance of academic subjects, but instead, to show the importance of the education of the heart, conscience, and spirit, to learn about ourselves, our Father in Heaven, to learn more about others, and to be able to help them in their understanding of relationships.
I love stories. I love the teachings that are given from our prophet Thomas S. Monson who emulates the way the Savior taught. I know that here in Hawaii, you are also known for great storytelling.
Today I would like to apply that concept of "talk story" as I illustrate six principles: Receive, Retrieve, Achieve, Perceive, Relieve, and Believe, which I affectionately call the "Eves of Understanding"
The first principle is to
Understand to Receive
"Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things" 2 Timothy 2:7
I was reading the words of Sister Marjorie Hinckley's talk entitled "Unsolicited, unwelcome, and unwanted advice from a seventy-five year old women to college students." I think all of you deserve to "receive" some of the advice that she offered:
"If I were a college student, I would make developing friendships on campus a very important goal. Now I’m not suggesting that you play when you should be studying but developing friendships is important. It is a skill you will need all your lives. No man is an island and associating with and learning to enjoy the company of good people is a valuable part of your education."
It is important to understand one another. Look around you today. Think of what you have learned from your relationships with those that you have had the privilege to associate with while you have been here on this campus. Think of how they have helped you to understand yourself, others, and life. I hope that each of you can treasure these relationships that you are developing here for many years. Our Father in Heaven has given you the opportunity to be here on this campus to learn academically, grow spiritually, and progress socially.
We need to reach out to others, but we need others to help us too.
Robert D. Hales stated,
"When you attempt to live life's experiences alone, you are not being true to yourself, or to your basic mission in life. Individuals in difficulty often say: 'I'll do it alone,' 'Leave me alone,' 'I don't need you,' 'I can take care of myself.' It has been said that no one is so rich that he does not need another's help, no one so poor as not to be useful in some way to his fellowman. The disposition to ask assistance from others with confidence, and to grant it with kindness, should be part of our very nature."
It is important to cultivate relationships for many reasons. I recall receiving a new understanding of relationships from my Primary class. I teach the eight year olds. We have been studying Church History, and the relationships of Joseph Smith. We learned that on the day of the martyrdom Joseph asked Willard Richards if he would go into the cell with him. His reply was:
"Brother Joseph, you did not ask me to cross the river with you- you did not ask me to come to Carthage-you did not ask me to come to jail with you-and do you think I would forsake you now? But I will tell you what I will do: if you are condemned to be hung for treason. I will be hung in your stead, and you shall go free. "
It seems that Willard Richards understood this scripture in John: "Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). He was able to "receive" the understanding of good relationships and it blessed their lives, as it does ours. President Monson has stated that the ability to communicate is not something we are born with. We have to learn it and earn it. We often find that the hardest people to communicate with are usually those that are the closest to us, care most about us, or can influence us the greatest.
It is difficult to receive understanding unless we can express to others how we feel. There is a story of an old farmer, who announced at his wives' graveside, "She was a good woman, and I loved her very much—in fact once, I almost told her so."
When was the last time that you told your family and friends how much you care about them? An important part of understanding is receiving that positive feedback.
We must be more willing to compliment than to complain, and to care more than to conquer. I think President Monson says it best in this clip, "What Matters Most".
"I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not"And what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, ‘They do not love that do not show their love.’"Despite the changes which come into our lives, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say ‘I love you’ more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."
I think we value the importance of relationships in understanding each other…but often we are faced with misunderstandings. This brings us to our next principle:
Understand to Retrieve
"Who is wise and he shall understand these things" (Hosea 14:9)?
The word retrieve has two meanings:
1. To recall knowledge from memory and
2. To locate and bring in.
Perhaps these stories will help to illustrate the need to understand to retrieve.
I remember sitting in a college class, and learning from my professor Stephen R. Covey about one of the seven habits. "Seek to understand, and then be understood". I loved that concept then, but even more so now as I read from his son’s book "The Speed of Trust" and the story he wrote about his parents that teaches an important lesson about misunderstanding.
Stephen and Sandra Covey were returning from their cabin in Montana. Stephen felt he was too tired to drive, so Sandra took the wheel while he slept in the backseat of the car.
After a couple of hours, Sandra pulled over to take her turn to sleep. They opened the car doors and got out to make the switch. Stephen slipped into the driver’s seat, and as Sandra was about to shut his door and go to the back, she suddenly remembered that their new car had a special feature that allowed people to raise or lower the chassis for convenience. Because of her bad knee, she said to Stephen, "Please lower the car so I can get in easier," and she slammed the doors so he could do it.
Almost immediately, Sandra was surprised to see the car move forward. Thinking Stephen was pretending to leave her she started chasing after the car. Suddenly, the car sped up, and she was left standing alone on the side of the freeway in winter with no coat and stocking feet.
A man in another car had seen Stephen drive off and doing his civic duty, called the highway patrol and reported that he had just seen a man abandon a woman on the side of the road. Soon, a patrol car pulled up to Sandra, and the patrolman asked her what had happened.
She then explained that her husband left her, but said, "He probably doesn't know that he did. I don't think he heard me when I asked him to lower the chassis"
Suspecting abuse the patrolman asked if they had an argument.
"No" Sandra said, "I'm sure he thinks I'm asleep in the backseat."
Sandra then remembered that Stephen had a cell phone with him and the officer, still skeptical about the situation, called it.
"Mr. Covey, this is the highway patrol. You need to pull over immediately, and I need to know your exact location."
Confused as to how the highway patrol had his cell phone number he said, "Let me wake up my wife, and I'll ask her. "Mr. Covey!" the patrolman said loudly into the phone. "Your wife isn’t there."
"She’s just asleep in the backseat," Stephen replied impatiently. "Wait! I’ll pull over and wake her up."
"She’s in the car with me!" The patrolman replied. "With you? Well, how did she get there?"
"You left her on the side of the road a while ago."
"What?" he said incredulously. "You mean she didn’t get in? Oh, I can’t believe it! I wondered why she was so quiet!"
Within a few minutes Stephen was able to retrieve Sandra from the police car. They all had a good laugh as they retrieved from memory the things that had happened. And finally they all understood what had gone on.
By this simple example we can see how easily it is to get mixed up and confused. Though this misunderstanding was taken care of immediately, others might not have such an effect. I well remember hearing this story while listening to General Conference and reading in the Ensign about something that was not retrieved.
"A young man found a wedge used to help in cutting down trees, but realizing he was late for dinner, he laid the wedge between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way. But he never did. The young man grew older, and took over his father’s farm. He didn’t notice how the wedge had grown in and healed over, yet the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came."In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained."Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. … Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. The wedge I found in the south pasture. A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should."
And so it is with many misunderstandings. Just as the wedge ended up splitting that tree, If not taken care of in their early stages, many difficulties can result. We need to retrieve from our memory, so we can locate, and bring in such information that will lead to understanding versus misunderstanding.
Let's move on the next area:
Understand to Achieve
"Consider what I say: and the Lord give thee understanding in all things" (2 Timothy 2:7).
A good friend and colleague John Ivers shared a story that helps us understand others, as we understand ourselves and our potential.
Max Coleman was a below average student. Grades ranged in the low D’s for most subjects but in the high C’s in his automotive class. Which he spent much of his time in, and had the only running vehicle of his group of friends. One of Max’s friends decided he wanted to take the SAT exam so he could get into college. He was an athlete, and couldn’t apply to school unless he took the exam. Since the place to take the test was 30 miles away. His friend convinced Max to not only drive him, but to take the test. Max was free that Saturday morning so he was decided to go. After the test his friend treated him to lunch, and asked how he did. "On everything I didn’t know, I just guessed." And that was that.
Let's leave Max, and talk about how the SAT is graded. The Educational Testing Center is in Princeton New Jersey. Now the weather in New Jersey is also interesting. When it rains it pours accompanied with thunder and lightning. There are many power outages, so most places are equipped with generators. (As was the Educational Testing Center) Now it just so happened that the night that Max Coleman’s test was being graded that there was such a storm. Max’s test was under the lights to be graded, when the power went out. A second later, the generator started, and Max’s test came out showing no misses or a perfect score on the test.
Now back to Max’s home town. The SAT scores were given to the counselor and when he read that a student got a perfect score, he ran to the principal. He called down Max from his class, and the local newspaper and television studio were contacted.
An interesting thing happened to Max’s grades that next semester. He received all A’s and one B with his senior year yielding straight A’s. And just as he was getting ready to graduate, a PhD candidate decided to do some graduate work on people who get perfect scores on the SAT exam. To find out this information she went to the Educational Testing Center in Princeton, and to their Micro Fiche copies of every test. There she found out the secret of Max Coleman’s test. Found out about the weather, power outage, and the true score of his test which was far below average. But even with this knowledge it didn't seem to hinder Max's understanding of what he knew he could do.
We can liken the story of Max Coleman with this quote by President Monson.
"When we treat people merely as they are, they may remain as they are. When we treat them as if they were what they should be, they may become what they should be."
Our father in heaven wants us to understand who we are and helps us understand what we can achieve through his help.
Another Colleague of mine told me of this story to help prove this point of understanding to achieve and how it influences the human potential.
A graduate student was working hard in an upper-level math course. On the night before the final, he studied so long that he overslept the morning of the test.
When he ran into the classroom several minutes late, he found three equations written on the blackboard. The first two went rather easily, but the third one seemed impossible. He worked frantically on it until — just ten minutes short of the deadline — he found a method that worked, and he finished the problems just as time was called.
The student turned in his test paper and left. That evening he received a phone call from his professor. "Do you realize what you did on the test today?" he asked the student.
"Oh, no," thought the student. I must have done poorly.
"You were only supposed to do the first two problems," the professor explained. "That last one was an example of a proof that mathematicians since Einstein have been trying to solve without success. I discussed it with the class before starting the test. And you just solved it!"
The student was George Dantzig, later became a math professor and received the National Medal of Science from President Gerald Ford. He is often been termed, "The Father of Linear Programming".
We have the potential to understand more that we can imagine. Our Father in Heaven has blessed us with capacities that we may never understand, yet it is through him that we can learn and grow. When we understand our potential we have the greater ability to achieve.
The next principle is
Understand to Perceive
"I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time" (3 Nephi 17:21).
Perception, or the way that we see things, makes a big difference in helping us not only understand people, but situations. It is also about the attitude that we take in the interpretations of what happens in our lives.
A famous Chinese folktale illustrates this concept. There was once a wise Chinese man who had one son, one horse, and one acre of ground on which he made his living. One day his son went out to feed the horse and left the gate open and the horse ran away. All of the man’s friends and neighbors came to him and said, "Oh that’s too bad. You’ve lost your only horse. How will you make your living?" The wise Chinese man just said "I don’t know if that’s bad or that’s good." But they insisted it was bad. A few days later, the horse got thirsty and came back to the corral bringing nine other wild horses with him. Now all his friends came over and said "Oh, isn’t that good. You’ve got 10 horses." The wise Chinese man said "I don’t know if that’s bad or good." And they insisted it was good. A few days later, the wise Chinese man’s son went out to break one of the wild horses. In the process, the horsed reared up and came down, severely breaking the son’s leg. This time all the neighbors came over and said "Oh, that’s too bad. That’s your only son. What will you do?" And again the wise Chinese man said "I don’t know if that’s bad or good." And they insisted it was bad. A short time later, war broke out in the country. The government came through and gathered up all the able-bodied young men and marched them off to war where they were all killed.
This story could go on but proves the point. You must look at your life to live and trust that things will work out. Hardships are often blessings. You must have faith, and know. It is a matter of perspective and how you look at things.
This idea is not always easy to comprehend, let alone understand, but I learned a deeper meaning from my daughter as she shared with me this story about how her perception changed with a trip to the temple.
As she approached the temple doors, she noticed a young man dressed in shorts and a t-shirt talking on a cell phone, and pacing back and forth outside the temple. He was kind of a big guy, and looked very suspicious. He made her nervous...especially when he walked in behind her as she entered the temple. He stayed back as she showed her recommend but then she observed him walking towards the desk. She walked slowly contemplating how she would alert help, and ward off this terrible intruder trying to sneak into the temple.
However she was taken back and even embarrassed by her thoughts when the young man pulled out his recommend and informed the brother at the desk that he was in the military on route to Afghanistan for an extended duty. He had a few hours unexpected layover in Boise. This would be his last opportunity to attend the temple.
His clothes were all sent ahead, but he wanted to spend these precious moments serving in the house of the Lord to give him comfort and peace while he would be so far away. He asked the brother at the desk to see if he could get him some appropriate clothing, since everyone he had called was unavailable to help him.
This experience teaches the need to look deeper, to understand others, and not just go with first instincts. The words from Job seem appropriate, "Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred" (Job 6:24).
Moving on to our next area:
Understand to Relieve
"Whoso is wise, and will observe these things, even they shall understand the loving kindness of the Lord" (Psalms 107:43).
How blessed I am to be part of the Relief Society. I love being part of the group that deals with Charity and Service. I loved the words of President Eyring stated in the Relief Society Broadcast. "We are part of the legacy that is passed on heart to heart." Lucy Mack Smith made the statement, "We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another, and gain instruction."
A couple years ago, Scott and I were able to accompany the school dance team to Ecuador and Peru. The team often puts on their performances to help others. One organization that they were sponsoring was a small community surrounded by sand that was in need of help and so the money collected from the dance team performance was going to rebuild their tiny homes, and to dig a well so water would be closer.
It was Sunday, and we had a big lunch, and still had a lot of leftovers, so we decided to pack them up and offer the food, our love, and the check to this little town that had suffered such devastation. So in our Sunday clothes we ventured off in our comfortable 50 passenger bus. As we got close to our destination, we got stuck in the sand. We filed out of the bus, to look at what we could do, when from this little community that had been hit by disaster. The people came out carrying shovels, and any makeshift tool to help "dig us out". Here we were there to serve them. But indeed they served us.
We were able to then go into their little community, and share with them our "leftover lunch". I watched as these students gave away sandwiches to this very grateful and humble people. One man heard that we had a new grandchild. He ran into his little make shift hut and pulled out a homemade rattle to give to us. We were so humbled with the generosity of this good people.
This reminds me of a quote by President Monson: "He that gives money gives much. He that gives time gives more. He that gives of himself gives all."
Spencer W. Kimball said, "The Lord does notice us and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore it is vital that we serve each other."
Mother Teresa added, "Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you."
As was mentioned in the introduction, I have spent the last fourteen summers in Chicago with BYU–Idaho students that are counselors of inner city youth ages 10-15. I interview counselors every year at the end of the program. All share similar experiences. When they leave, they feel like they are preparing to teach these kids from the inner city great truths that they have learned throughout their lives, but what they find out is that they are the ones that are learning.
It's learning about life, the city, and these wonderful young girls from Chicago. They learn about themselves, and what is important to them, and how lucky they are. The lives of both the counselors and campers are changed. It’s all about service.
Often the ones that you serve are really the ones that are teaching you. You get back much more than you give, and you learn to keep serving. I am blessed because of this program, and seeing the great influence of all involved.
The words of Mosiah: "And behold I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom: that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17).
The final principle I would like to discuss today is
Understand to Believe
"By the power of the Spirit our eyes were opened and our understandings were enlightened so as to see and understand the things of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 76:12).
A student who sat in the back of my classroom, walked in one day wearing a Quicksilver surfing t-shirt with the words "Eddie would go". He was a rather quiet student, but when I asked about his shirt, he explained. "Sister Bergstrom there is an important story about this I need to tell you."
This is a man who understood and believed. Eddie Aikau was a great surfer and a lifeguard legend in Hawaii. The saying came from the fact that Eddie would go when no one else would, or could. Eddie just did. In 1968 he became the first lifeguard hired by the City and County of Honolulu to work on the North Shore. Not one life was lost while he served as lifeguard of Waimea Bay, as he braved waves that often reached 30 feet high or more. In 1971 Eddie Aikau was named Lifeguard of the Year. He loved guarding when he wasn't surfing and chasing the waves himself.
Tragically, he lost his life in 1978, at the age of 31 during a voluntary re-creation of the Polynesian voyage between Hawaii and Tahiti. In huge seas, the voyaging canoe capsized. Eddie paddled off on a surfboard in an attempt to reach help for his fellow crewman. He was never seen again, but his spirit and legacy of how "Eddie Would Go" lives on.
But Eddie is not the only story of a person that "would go".
Moroni would go even unto battle. In Alma 48:11, it states "a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding."
Lehi would go—he would listen to the Lord and lead his family into the wilderness.
Nephi would go—back to get the plates, or to build a ship.
The Good Samaritan would go—and care for the man who others passed by.
Esther would go—to save her people, and risking her own life. Ruth would go—lovingly following; "Whether thou goest I will go."
Joseph Smith would go—to the sacred grove, to Kirtland, to Nauvoo, to Liberty, to Carthage.
The Savior would go—and prepare a way for each of us.
The greatest story ever told is that of the Saviors life, and what he has done for each of us. We have been blessed by his ultimate atonement as he has suffered for our sins. He said to his Father, "I will go" It is our "relationship" with him that will help benefit all other relationships. We have been blessed by his ultimate understanding. We need to not only believe in him, but literally believe him.
Today we have talked through stories about the "Eves of Understanding" and hopefully how we can apply these concepts of to our relationships, our lives, to fulfill the legacy of hope from David O McKay, so that you may be "an influence for good towards the establishment of peace internationally."
I leave my testimony and my love in hopes that you have been able to do as was written in Proverbs 2:2, "Apply thine Heart to Understanding." And I leave this with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.