Often when I teach youth, I ask them how they know, really know, that God loves them. I do this because I feel it is so foundational for them and each of us to feel His love. They say such things as, “He answers my prayers; I feel Him in the beauties of nature; He has given me such a great family; He has given me the Gospel.” Rarely, but once in a while, someone responds, “I know He loves me because He gives me trials.”
A number of years ago I was discussing with a group of 12-year-old girls the first line of the Young Women theme: “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us.”
I handed out pieces of paper and had the young women write anonymously how they knew that Heavenly Father loved them. As they struggled to write, I heard such comments as “This is so hard” and “I’m not sure I do know.” I was particularly struck by Jocelyn, who had been in tears through most of the lesson. When I privately read their answers, I knew which crumpled paper was hers. She said simply, “Because He saved my mom.”
Her mother is one of my dear friends, and I too had been fervently praying for her. She had just successfully undergone surgery for a heart condition and was about to be released from the hospital when an artery in her spleen burst. Within minutes she was at death’s door. A team of doctors feverishly worked to revive her enough to prepare her for emergency surgery. Miraculous is the only way to describe her recovery. It was an answer to many prayers, including Jocelyn’s and mine. It was a powerful witness of God’s love.
Yet I also felt chilled by Jocelyn’s answer. What if Heavenly Father hadn’t saved her mother? Would she still know that Heavenly Father loves her? Would she be able to feel the Lord’s love even amid life’s inevitable sorrows and tragedies?
Then I thought of my niece Ashley. She too knows of the love her Father in Heaven has for her, yet her experience was quite the opposite of Jocelyn’s.
Ashley had been walking with her father and mother across seaside boulders near their home in northern California. Her dad was photographing beautiful scenes for watercolors he would paint. Out of nowhere and with no forewarning, a rogue wave engulfed the shore, carrying her father out to sea and dragging her mother along the boulders. Ashley was inland far enough that the killer wave missed her. Terrorized by what she had just witnessed, she ran for help.
Within minutes, a man with a cell phone called emergency numbers, and a rescue began. Her mother had landed in a precarious spot where she could be reached only by helicopter. She was in excruciating pain with a broken back and arm and with numerous cuts and gashes due to the vicious rocks and fierce ocean. Ashley’s father was nowhere to be found. As Ashley’s mother lay on the edge of the sea waiting for rescue, she felt her husband’s presence, and she knew without a doubt that he was gone. His body never was recovered.
Heavenly Father didn’t save Ashley’s dad. Yet Ashley still knows that He loves her. She says:
“During that time I felt great comfort from the Holy Ghost. I had a sure witness of God’s great plan of Salvation, so I knew I would see my dad again. In addition, I felt the Lord’s love through the wonderful, kind care of earthly angels who ministered to our family.” She felt the peace that Jesus promises us, “peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
Do we really know Heavenly Father loves us? Do we know it deeply enough that this knowledge strengthens and sustains us? How can we better know and feel His love? Jocelyn’s and Ashley’s examples suggest that we may come to know of God’s love in our lives—both in our joys and in our sorrows.
As I considered these contrasting stories, a pair of comparable scriptural examples came to my mind—Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego’s deliverance from the fiery furnace versus Abinadi’s martyrdom by fire.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were faithful servants of the Lord. They knew He loved them. They had faith that He could preserve them in the fiery furnace, if it was His will. “If it be so,” they said, “our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king” (Dan. 3:17). Not only did they have faith that the Lord could save them, but more important, they trusted in His will for them, whether they were protected or not. The astonished King Nebuchadnezzar witnessed their miraculous rescue and recognized the powerful love that God had for these “servants that trusted in him” (Dan. 3:28).
The prophet Abinadi in the Book of Mormon likewise trusted the Lord when faced with the threat of a fiery death. King Noah said, “Thou shalt be put to death unless thou wilt recall all the words which thou hast spoken evil concerning me and my people” (Mosiah 17:8).
Abinadi boldly refused. When it came time for him to be burned, he was not miraculously saved. “He fell, having suffered death by fire; yea, having been put to death because he would not deny the commandments of God, having sealed the truth of his words by his death” (Mosiah 17:20). He trusted in the Lord’s love for him and His will for him.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were spared death by fire; Abinadi was not. Yet all were loved of the Lord, and all knew it.
The outcomes of these two stories suggest that the love of God transcends the earthly experiences we have. His love is greater than the good and the bad things that happen to us. Sometimes He blesses us by granting the desires of our hearts, and sometimes He blesses us with comfort and strength to bear the burden of unfulfilled or shattered desires. Sometimes He also allows us to suffer afflictions, knowing that in our effort to overcome them we will grow, grow in character and spirit, and grow in our dependence upon Him and our love for Him.
No one in this life is spared from affliction. But as Elder Orson F. Whitney said:
“No pain that we suffer . . . is wasted. It ministers to our education to the development of . . . patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer . . . especially when we endure it patiently builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulations, that we gain the educations that we [came] here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”
Elder Whitney’s words reiterate for me the importance of our mortal experiences as stated in the Family Proclamation: “Spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”
Recently, during my morning meditations, I had a strong impression from the Spirit that Heavenly Father loves me and my family and that He is watching over us and blessing us with mercies and miracles. I felt so much joy and gratitude. Almost immediately after I had that powerful witness things started falling apart for each one of our children’s families. There was a problem for one with his job; another had a miscarriage after hoping for quite a while to have this pregnancy; one had a best friend leave the Church; another had flight delays and missed connections in travel, and another was trying to help a child through emotional depression; another suffered a rejection.
At first I thought it was odd timing for those powerful feelings of God’s love to come to me. But then I realized it was perfect timing. I was specifically given a strong testimony of His love and care for us preceding a barrage of trials, so as to steady and secure my foundation and protect and guide me as the storms of those earthly experiences hit. As it says in Hel 5:12:
“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fail.”
From my earliest years the foundation of my testimony has been built on my knowledge of God’s love for me. I have prayed for specific blessings, and He has granted them to me. I feel His love in daily “little miracles” -- in births and baptisms, in health and healings, in mornings and mountains and missions, in friendships and family love, in timing and temples and travels.
By contrast, I have also been sustained by His love in my adversities. Some burdens weigh me down in spite of my desire to have this cup removed (see Luke 22:42). Like the people of Alma, I have felt Him “ease the burdens which are put upon [my] shoulders. . . that I may know of a surety that the Lord God [does] visit [His] people in their afflictions” (Mosiah 24:14). Or like Joseph Smith, when I am overcome by “thick darkness,” if I “exert all my power to call upon God to deliver me,” I too have been blessed with heavenly light “resting upon me” (JSH 1:15-17). Carl Bloch painting of angel with Christ in Gethsemane) In fact, it is through such difficult experiences that I feel a greater dependence upon the Lord and an even richer outpouring of love from Him. I feel a closeness to Him, knowing that He is carrying me, comforting me, and giving me the courage to go on. Often at such times, he also places earthly angels in my path to help me.
Such experiences build muscles, spiritual muscles, which will be needed in further difficult experiences or needed to help me be an instrument in blessing others through their earthly challenges.
Similar to building spiritual muscles is building physical muscles. Our daughter has been exerting a major effort for months to train for the Boston marathon. It just so happened that the day of the marathon Boston had the worst weather for that race in 33 years. It was pouring rain, freezing temperatures, and high winds, which jostled the runners and created an even colder, wind-chill climate. In short, the conditions were terrible. But she had prepared physically and asked for our prayers, and she was able to make it.
Another LDS woman named Sarah Sellers also had a remarkable experience that day. She heretofore, has had no big name in the running world, but on that day of the worst possible conditions she placed 2nd in the race. Her brother wrote this about her:
“When you ask God for help with doing something great, He answers. His answer, however, doesn’t usually involve instant supernatural empowerment to swift victory. More often it consists of setting you on a long, hard course of training, building, and learning. He quietly walks beside you, sustaining and encouraging each step, but letting you push through storms and doubts and heartbreaking setbacks. Why? Because He knows it is the only way to prepare you to accomplish the triumph you have asked of Him.
“Since middle school I have watched my sister strive and strain, stretch and stumble, struggle and stay the course in pursuit of running greatness. I have seen her fiercely stubborn commitment. More than once she dragged our dad out into a rainy night in the middle of a family hiking vacation just to get in her daily run. She relished running on cold, snowy Utah days, because while she hated being cold she knew plenty of other runners would stay home. But I have also seen her moments of doubt. She burned with frustration when injuries knocked one season after another off course. She gave her absolute all in pinnacle races and came just cruelly short of her cherished goals and dreams.
“Why? We all asked, and I know she did too. Today we got one answer, because I believe nothing else could have prepared her for this day. Nothing else could have built up the strength, patience, endurance, and granite-solid mental toughness to pound through 26.2 miles of freezing wind and rain and then stand all amazed at an unfathomable 2nd place finish. God didn’t give her golden wings to fly upon today, instead He sent a nightmare storm that He had built her up to break through.” (by Marcus Neil Callister)
She felt God’s love for her even in the storm. She was able to capitalize on the physical stamina and spiritual faith she had gained through years of challenges.
Likewise, learning to face our adversities, while exerting our faith in the Lord’s love for us, can help us to win our races. I am grateful for a Father who has the wisdom and eternal perspective to give us experiences for our growth. I am grateful that He knows what is best for us. I know He knows us, loves us, and hears our prayers. One of my favorite scriptural passages testifies of this. It was given to the early Saints who suffered great persecutions in Missouri and can be likened unto us in our storms.
“Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord . . . and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.” (D&C 98:1-3)
This passage begins with a salutation to us, His “friends.” He loves us. He admonishes us to be grateful and to have faith and patience in Him. Our fervent prayers shall be fulfilled. We may not perfectly understand how and when those desired blessings will come. But He knows us and loves us and understands us with the eternal vision that we do not now have.
The Jaredites in the Book of Mormon did not have God’s eternal perspective, nor did they know how He would answer their prayers. But they trusted in His love and care. Rachel Remen, a Jewish doctor and therapist, writes in the Epilogue of her fine book, My Grandfather’s Blessings about the Jaredite exodus to the Promised Land:
“In The Book of Mormon, there is another version of the Exodus story. In it, the Jaredites, forced from their homes by conditions that stifle their freedom, set out across great uncharted waters to reach the land of promise in boats sealed up tightly against the sea. . . The voyage is long and difficult in the extreme; there are mighty storms, and the boats are plunged deep beneath the water over and over again. But their seal holds, and the stones, touched by God continue to shine . . . I find that the most moving part of the Mormon exodus story is a single line. Despite the challenges and great difficulties of this sea journey, ‘the wind always blows in the direction of the promised land.’”
This is a truth for all of us. We came to earth to have earthly experiences. We will be tossed in seas of affliction, but because our Heavenly Father knows and loves us, those winds and waves and storms will always blow us towards the promised land, back to Him.
In my personal storms of family challenges, health problems, loneliness, lack of confidence or abilities, fear of unknown outcomes, or shattered dreams, I have felt at times like I might be sinking in the great deep like the Jaredite barges. But as I have exerted Joseph Smith-like faith and prayers, I have felt the wind of God’s love push me onward.
I know as Paul taught the Romans that nothing, no matter how hard it is, can separate us from the love of God:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? …
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
“Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:35, 38–39).
Jocelyn and Ashley could not be separated from the love of God, even though one’s parent was spared and the other’s was not. They recognized His love in all experiences—joyful and sorrowful.
I too, know that nothing can separate me from the love of God in my life. I know that God, our loving Father knows each one of us individually. He understands our heartaches, suffering, hard experiences, and our need for growth. He loves us and blesses us, comforts us, guides us, and will never forsake us. This knowledge is the very foundation of my testimony.
I desire that each of us, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, can testify with conviction, “We are children of our Heavenly Father, who loves us!”