It was exciting to receive an invitation to speak to you today at this devotional service. As a student at BYU I looked forward to devotionals and had many important spiritual experiences attending them. I fully appreciate the caliber of devotionals you are accustomed to and I plead for your prayerful assistance as I attempt to uphold that standard today.
Today is a special day for me. Nineteen years ago on March 5th, Becky and I knelt across an altar in the San Diego Temple, made sacred covenants to one another and to God, and were sealed for time and all eternity. Since that day we have moved forward as a powerful partnership, shaping together our eternal lives. In honor of my great companion, and with her permission, I have chosen today to speak of a spiritual gift which she has been blessed with, and which, if acquired, could bless the lives of each person in this room and those that come in contact with us. I wish to speak today on the spiritual gift of a forgiving heart.
Spiritual Gifts
To begin, let’s discuss spiritual gifts for a moment.
Spiritual gifts are a vital part of what makes us truly human. The Prophet David O McKay quoted that “The only thing which places a man above the beasts of the field is his possession of the spiritual gifts.... Man’s earthly existence is but a test as to whether he will concentrate his efforts, his mind, and his soul upon the things which contribute to the comfort and gratification of his physical instincts and passions, or whether he will make as his life’s end and purpose the acquisition of spiritual qualities.”1
All spiritual gifts are only possible through the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. We recognize that some aspects of the atonement, such as immortality, are provided universally to all that will receive a body and come to earth, other aspects of the atonement, such as eternal life, are only available to those who follow Christ and receive the saving ordinances of the gospel by one authorized to administer the ordinance. The same is true with spiritual gifts.
There are spiritual gifts that are provided to all mankind from God. These gifts, which include our conscience, are the natural inheritance of all who come to this earth. There are also spiritual gifts that are referred to in the scriptures as “the gifts and callings of God” (See e.g., Romans 11:28-29). These are talents earned and acquired in the preexistence, and are given of God to those whom he foreordained to be his ministers when they are born into mortality. These gifts are not earned as far as this life is concerned.
Third, and what we are primarily concerned with today, are those spiritual gifts that attend only the faithful. To distinguish them from other spiritual gifts we will refer to them as the “gifts of the Spirit.” According to Elder Bruce R. McConkie, these gifts of the Spirit “come from God, they are administered by the Holy Ghost, and they are transmitted to men by the Spirit of Christ, which is the light of Christ, which is the agency of God’s power. Their receipt is predicated upon faith, obedience, and personal righteousness; hence they are reserved for the saints of God, for those that believe in his name and live his laws. They are the signs and miracles of those that believe, and their receipt, in one degree or another, is essential to salvation. No one can be saved in the celestial kingdom unless he receives some or many of the gifts of the Spirit.”2
Of these gifts of the Spirit, Elder McConkie further teaches us that they, “are endless in number and infinite in variety. Those listed in the revealed word are simply illustrations of the boundless outpouring of divine grace that gracious God gives those who love and serve him.”3
The scriptures and the words of latter-day prophets further identify the gifts of the Spirit in two different ways. First, there are those gifts that are provided to some and not to others. The scriptures state, “All have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man [who is true and faithful] is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby” (D&C 46:11-12). “And there are different ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestation of the Spirit of God unto men, to profit them” (Moroni 10:8).
It appears that at least one very important purpose of not providing all gifts to every worthy individual is to build unity and community in the Church. Paul discusses this function of the gifts of the Spirit in detail in the 12th chapter of 1st Corinthians. He concludes by stating, “That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Cor. 12:11-27).
Second, certain other gifts of the Spirit are available to every righteous seeker of gifts that qualifies for them. These gifts lead us to having those Christ-like attributes that will enable us to fulfill the words of the prophet Mormon, “that when [the Savior] shall appear we shall be like him.”
President George Q. Cannon has expounded:
I feel to bear testimony to you, my brethren and sisters, . . . that God is the same to-day as He was yesterday; that God is willing to bestow these gifts upon His children. . . . If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections. If I am an angry man, it is my duty to pray for charity, which suffereth long and is kind. Am I an envious man? It is my duty to seek for charity, which envieth not. So with all the gifts of the Gospel. They are intended for this purpose. No man ought to say, ‘Oh, I cannot help this; it is my nature.’ He is not justified in it, for the reason that God has promised to give strength to correct these things, and to give gifts that will eradicate them. . . . [God] gives these gifts, and bestows them upon those who seek after them, in order that they may be a perfect people upon the face of the earth, notwithstanding their many weaknesses, because God has promised to give the gifts that are necessary for their perfection.4
One of the gifts of the Spirit that is available to all the true followers of Christ is the gift of charity. Mormon, as quoted by his son Moroni, teaches us that we must “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that [we] may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that [we] may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure” (Moroni 7:48).
A Forgiving Heart5
The spiritual gift of a forgiving heart is also a gift of the Spirit that is available to all worthy seekers. A forgiving heart is a component gift (along with such other gifts as compassion, humility, patience, optimism, kindness, meekness and long-suffering, to name a few), of the composite spiritual gift of charity. Having a forgiving heart, among other things, means that we are “not easily provoked”, and that we “thinketh no evil” (Moroni 7:45; 1 Cor. 13:5).
The basic qualities of this gift were well summarized by Brother Roderick J. Linton. He wrote, “To have a forgiving heart is to see the world in a different light. It is forsaking the tendency to judge, condemn, or hate any human soul. A forgiving heart seeks to love and to be patient with imperfection. A forgiving heart understands that we all need the atonement of Jesus Christ.”6
In other words, if we have the gift of a forgiving heart we have a predisposition to forgo offense, because we are not offended in the first place,7 to not express anger, because we do not get angry, to avoid wallowing in self-pity, because we do not see ourselves as victims, to not judge others, because we are overwhelmingly aware of our own incredible need for the mercy of God and others.8
Perhaps a forgiving heart is better described as a forgoing heart. Those that possess this gift rarely need to engage in the repentant act of forgiving, because they rarely take on any sense of injustice in the first place. They are not naïve, nor indifferent, nor are they simply blowing-off the actions of others or “letting it go”, but quite the opposite. They are not weak nor harsh, but are courageous. They have a keen perspective of those around them, who we all really are and the blessings of our common humanity. They have a bigger view, not a smaller one. Those with a forgiving heart also embrace the emotional learning experiences of life, even the hard ones, as critical to the divine plan of happiness. They rejoice in the expansiveness of the redemptive power of Jesus Christ, not only because it makes them feel better, but because with it all of us have a chance, and without it allof us would be doomed.
One of the great examples from the scriptures of a people possessing the gift of forgiving hearts is the people of Ammon, or the Anti-Nephi-Lehis. Incited to violence, their fellow Lamanites came against the Anti-Nephi-Lehis for “the purpose of destroying their king, and to place another in his stead, and also of destroying the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi out of the land” (Alma 24:20). The crime warranting annihilation was their embracing the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In discussing how they should face the threat of imminent violence from their fellow Lamanites their king noted, that God had “given [them] a portion of his Spirit to soften [their] hearts,” (Alma 24:8), he recognized that God “loveth [their] souls as well as he loveth [their] children”, and he counseled his people to peaceful interaction with their provocative brethren. But were these just words? How would they respond when faced with actual gross injustice and unspeakable brutality? We learn just a few verses later. “Now when the people [of Anti-Nephi-Lehi] saw that they were coming against them they went out to meet them, and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them, and began to slay them with the sword. And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay a thousand and five of them... [and] the Lamanites saw that their brethren would not flee from the sword, neither would the turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but that they would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword” (Alma 24:20-23).
Perhaps even more remarkable is what happens next. Upon recognizing that the Anti-Nephi-Lehis would not fight nor flee, more than 1000 of their assailants threw down their weapons of war and wished to join the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi. Remember that just moments before, these same individuals murdered without provocation a thousand and five of their people: brothers, sons, fathers, family members. Yet these brutal murderers were accepted on the very day they committed their atrocities against the Aniti-Nephi-Lehis as part of that people without hesitation, complaint, rebuke or resentment (Alma 24:26). It is no wonder that Ammon, in reflecting upon that day, stated “And now behold I say unto you, has there been so great love in all the land? Behold I say unto you, Nay, there has not, even among the Nephites” (Alma 26:33 (32-34)).
This very dramatic example may give rise to the legitimate question of whether possessing the gift of a forgiving heart opens us up to becoming a doormat, or being taken advantage of by those that are insensitive or conspiring. How can we protect ourselves and our loved ones from those that see opportunity in knowing that we can be pushed without being easily provoked? These questions can be resolved by a glorious aspect of gifts of the Spirit. These gifts are only received and exercised under the influence of the Holy Ghost.
An example of this comes in the context of Joseph Smith’s gift of the interpretation of tongues needed for the translation of the Book of Mormon. David Whitmer recounted: “One morning when [Joseph Smith] was getting ready to continue the translation, something went wrong about the house and he was put out about it. Something that Emma, his wife, had done. Oliver and I went up stairs, and Joseph came up soon after to continue the translation, but he could not do anything. He could not translate a single syllable. He went down stairs, out in to the orchard and made supplication to the Lord; was gone about an hour – came back to the house, asked Emma’s forgiveness and then came up stairs where we were and the translation went on all right.”9
We can take comfort that the impulses that come from the spiritual gift of a forgiving heart are those that our Heavenly Father would have us feel, experience and express, because they are coming through the power of the Holy Ghost. We can trust Him. He will not lead us astray even if things seem so terribly wrong from our perspective. As Mormon notes in the context of the slaughter of the Anti-Nephi-Lehis, “And thus we see that the Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people” (Alma 24:27). In other words our concern needs to be less with being taken for granted, and more with being taken by the hand. We should have “less concern with revising our own plans and more concern about adopting His plans for us”.10 Knowing that the spiritual gift of a forgiving heart is not a skill or a practiced technique, but a manifestation of the Spirit to those that are worthy of it, provides us great protection and assurance.
In paraphrasing the Fourth Volume of the Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, I would say:
Here we come to the heart of the matter. [A forgiving heart] is a gift of the Spirit. It is bestowed by God. One does not `work on’ his [forgiving heart] any more than he might work on his prophecy, dreams, visions, or discernment. [A forgiving heart is a component] of that `more excellent way’ (1 Cor. 12:31) that comes by and through the Holy Ghost as one of the gifts of God (p. 346).
How Can We Obtain the Blessing of a Forgiving Heart?
This begs the questions then of how one obtains a forgiving heart. We do so in the same manner as other gifts of the Spirit. First, we need to live worthy and ready to be eligible for the companionship of the Holy Ghost and its perfecting influence. This means we have received the gift of the Holy Ghost following baptism,11 we are obedient to the commandments of God,12 and we embrace the redeeming and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Second, we need to seek the gift. On seeking after gifts of the Spirit, President George Q. Cannon stated:
How many of you brethren and sisters are seeking for these gifts that God has promised to bestow? How many of you, when you bow before your Heavenly Father in your family circle or in your secret places, contend for the gifts to be bestowed upon you? How many of you ask the Father, in the name of Jesus, to manifest Himself to you through these powers and these gifts? Or do you go along day by day like a door turning on its hinges, without having any feeling on the subject, without exercising any faith whatever; content to be baptized and be members of the Church, and to rest there, thinking that your salvation is secure because you have done this? I say unto you, in the name of the Lord, as one of His servants, that you have need to repent of this. You have need to repent of your hardness of heart, of your indifference, and of your carelessness. There is not that diligence, there is not that faith, there is not that seeking for the power of God that there should be among a people who have received the precious promises we have.... I say to you that it is our duty to avail ourselves of the privileges which God has placed within our reach.13
Clearly, to the extent that we do not seek and enjoy the gifts of the Spirit, as righteous Saints we are living below our privileges.
Paul instructs us to “covet earnestly the best gifts” (1 Cor. 12:21), “desire spiritual gifts” and be “zealous of spiritual gifts” (1 Cor. 14:1,12). Moroni councils: “Lay hold upon every good gift,” (Moroni 10:30) and, in the 46th Section of the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord commands us “seek ye earnestly the best gifts.” The word earnestly, which is used twice in the scriptures as the qualifying adverb on how we should seek for the gifts of the Spirit, means to pursue seriously and sincerely. It requires an honest endeavor. In other words we cannot be duplicitous in our seeking for the spiritual gift of a forgiving heart; we must not harbor a desire to have it both ways. We must be intent on giving up playing the martyr and forgo the seductive emotions of anger, self-pity, and hatred. These are emotions which we falsely tend to feel entitled to; we incorrectly believe they are our right when we are wronged. We must abandon the need to have someone to blame when things aren’t as we believe they should be, eliminate wounding criticism and accusations, and dump our sense of judgmental self-righteousness.
An Example of the Impact of a Forgiving Heart
The scriptures state that spiritual gifts are received so “that all may be profited thereby” (D&C 46:12).
Elder Hales teaches us that “The phrase `that all may be profited thereby’ is a very important concept to understand about the gifts of the Spirit. The gifts given to each individual are given not only for the one who receives, but also for those who can benefit when the gift is shared with others.”14
This principle is certainly applicable in the context of a forgiving heart. Perhaps a story from my own life can best exemplify how impactful a forgiving heart can be on others. For some background, please note that this story takes place before the wide-spread use of scanners and the ubiquitous cell phone.
Following law school, I took a job as a litigation associate in the San Francisco office of a major national law firm. This job was very demanding and it was not uncommon for me to have late night, or all night or all weekend work assignments. Becky and I and our oldest daughter, Cozi (who was one at the time), lived in the East Bay and I would commute with public transportation into the City for work. If I worked too late, I would often miss the last bus and either need to call and ask my wife for a ride home or take a taxi (which I generally only did when authorized for payment by a client).
On one particular late night I had missed the bus, and was not authorized to take a taxi, so I called Becky to come and pick me up. It was about 11:45 PM. She told me she would come and get me, but that she needed to wake up Cozi, get her ready and in the car, and expected to be to my office in about 45 minutes. I continued to work until about 12:15 AM, was shutting down my computer and gathering my take-home work into my bag, when I received a call. It was a partner in the firm’s Washington DC office. He said he was so happy to find me still there. He was preparing for trial later that morning and desperately needed a document that could be found in the San Francisco office file room. He asked if I could retrieve the document and fax it to him immediately.
I told him that I, of course, would. I rushed to the file room and realized I had no idea how I was going to find this document. We had file room staff that did this work during normal hours and I had never searched for a file in the room before. I began rolling the large filing shelves looking for the client and matter number. Ultimately finding it, I began searching through the several thousand documents of the case to find the one that the partner needed. Finally, the document was found.
I immediately rushed to the fax machine to send it to our Washington DC office and realized that I did not know how to operate the fax machine. We had staff during normal hours that sent all the faxes and I had never used the fax in the office before. It required some sort of code in order to unlock its operation so that the cost of sending the fax could be billed to the proper client. I riffled through the drawers around the fax machine to see if there was a code that was written down that I could use to get this fax out. I was able to track down an administrative code, entered it into the machine and was able to get the fax to send.
The relief in having been able to accomplish this task was quickly replaced by a realization that this whole process had taken me well over an hour to complete and that my wife and child had been waiting that whole time for me in the wee hours of the morning on a dark street in downtown San Francisco.
I rushed to my office, grabbed my bag and headed to wait for the interminably slow elevator to reach the 24th floor of the building. I could hear my wife’s certain words in my head, “How could you do this to us? You know that I am uncomfortable being alone in the City? Why did you call us if it was going to take you another couple of hours to be done with work?”
As the elevator arrived and I stepped in, I began doing what most good attorneys do – prepare the defense. “What was I supposed to do, tell the partner in Washington DC that he was just not going to be getting his document. You know that would get me fired. I have to provide for our family. Who’s going to put the food on the table?”
As I hurried out to the car and looked into the windows, I froze. In her car seat in the back of the car I saw my daughter, her face red and wet from tears, my wife reaching back to comfort her, lines of exhaustion and concern on her face. Clearly she had anticipated for some time that I would be down any minute.
I opened the car door and slid into the driver seat, and steeled myself for what she would say. Then I heard Becky’s voice, “Oh dear, you look so tired, would you like me to drive home?” Immediately, I was faced with the reality of what I had done. Those words have done more to change my life than any others uttered by a human being to me. I have cried many times over my insensitivity on that night. I still find in that moment of my life the courage to be a better man.
I am convinced that each of us is interested in being a better person. We care deeply about what is happening in our hearts. Many of us are concerned that the world we live in conditions and perhaps requires us to have hearts hardened to withstand the painful onslaught of acts of sadness and pain that surround us. So often I feel, though rarely show, that I am an overwhelmed and vulnerable child walking through a world of sophisticated evil. I can assure you that there is safety, comfort, confidence and great joy in yielding to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and allowing our good Father to provide direction for our emotional lives and relationships (Mosiah 3:19).
I find great hope in words shared by Elder Hales. He said, “I bear testimony that God has given us the gifts of the Spirit to allow us to be drawn more closely into His circle of love. He desires that we should receive these gifts of the Spirit and magnify them and have them grow within us. We have to teach one another how to seek after them. As we do, our faith in Him will increase and our true destiny will be fulfilled, ultimately to return to His presence as His valiant sons and daughters.”15
I further testify that the spiritual gift of a forgiving heart can help us to understand the perspective of our Savior, how he views us, how he loves us.16 It can prove the impetus for change and repentance in others, by melting away their need for defensiveness and by validating their worth. I believe it is this way of being that is characterized by Christ’s beckoning words “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:28-30). May we yield our heavy burden of blaming and accusation, for the lightness of love and a forgiving heart is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
1 Conference Report, Oct. 1950, 111.
2 Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, p. 367. See also, Ether 12: 34, “And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father.”
3 Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, p. 371.
4 Millennial Star, vol. 56 [1894], pp. 260-261. Illustrative of President Cannon’s remarks, we have been told that one of the gifts of the Spirit that can be claimed by every righteous seeker is the gift of discernment. Of this is gift, President Stephen L. Richards, a counselor in the First Presidency to President David O McKay, noted that “Every member in the restored Church of Christ could have this gift if he willed to do so.”
5 For a more detailed treatment on the qualities and characteristics of a forgiving heart see, Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing our relationships, coming to ourselves, by C. Terry Warner, and The Peacegiver: How Christ offers to heal our hearts and homes, by James L. Ferrell.
6 Roderick J. Linton, The Forgiving Heart, Ensign, April 1993.
7 “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else” (Elder David A. Bednar, And Nothing Shall Offend Them, General Conference, Oct. 2006).
8 See, e.g., Joseph Fielding McConkie, Robert L. Millet, and Brent T. Top, Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, Vol. IV, p. 344
9 Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, p. 116.
10 Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Meekness – A Dimension of True Discipleship, Ensign, March 1983.
11 Joesph Smith stated, “We... believe in prophecy, in tongues, in visions, and in revelations, in gifts, and in healings; and that these things cannot be enjoyed without the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, p. 117).
12 “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” (Psalm 119:165). It is important to note, that following even what may seem to be commandments unrelated to forgiveness can prepare us for the receipt of the gift of a forgiving heart. (See e.g., Elder Carl B. Pratt, The Lord’s Richest Blessings, General Conference, April 2011, “Tithe-paying fosters in us a generous and forgiving heart and a charitable heart full of the pure love of Christ.”)
13 Millennial Star, vol. 56 [1894], pp. 260-261.
14 Elder Robert. D. Hales, Gifts of the Spirit, Ensign February 2002.
15 Elder Robert D. Hales, Gifts of the Spirit, Ensign, February 2002.
16 “And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.” (1 Nephi 19:9). “However, rather than despair at the difficulty of always being forgiving, let us ponder the beauty of the Lord’s promises. With the Lord’s help we are the masters of our destiny. We can draw from the infinite reserves of the Lord’s forgiveness in direct proportion to the forgiveness we extend to others. Because of His Atonement He can make such a promise, but its blessings are conditioned upon our faith in Him, repentance, and obedience. We have been given a clear view of the place of forgiveness in His character by His example and teachings. No personal growth toward a satisfying day of Final Judgment can be achieved without attention to the challenges of being truly forgiving” (Elder Robert C. Oaks, Stand and be Judged for What We Really Are, General Conference, April 2003).