Good morning Brothers and Sisters, and Aloha,
First of all, I would like to thank my husband for his introduction. When I mentioned that I was speaking to one of my friends, he said, “I’m looking forward to the devotional. I always love to hear the introductions.”
Second, I would like to thank Lawrence Laureano, Dan Bradshaw, and the University Chorale for providing the music today. The message of that hymn has a special meaning for me, and ties into the message that I am giving today.
I have lived and worked here in Laie now for 18 years. It has been a wonderful place to be, and a great place for my kids to grow up. I love the diversity of the people who live here and my association with all of you here, the students, the faculty, and the staff. I am often reminded of the importance of this school and its role in bringing about “peace internationally” as mentioned in the ground breaking ceremony by President David O. McKay.
Darren is correct in saying that public speaking puts me completely out of my comfort zone, but I think it would be helpful to mention a few of the impulses that ran through my head when I first received the invitation to speak. First, I thought of some of the people in the audience who may be troubled or going through tough times and how I hoped to let them know they are still important and worth caring about. The next thing I thought of was the music for devotional and in particular the way each hymn we hear today has helped me to get through tough times.
As to the title of my talk, I am borrowing it from a quote that “appeared” at my parent’s house. I first saw this quote a couple of years ago when I was visiting them. When I read it, I thought how perfectly it described my mom and her attitude towards others. The complete quote is “We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.” (Peter De Vries).
By “appeared,” I mean that when I asked about it, no one knew where it had come from. When I was later interested in the quote, I asked them to send a picture of it, and it could not be found. Fortunately, my son was visiting them and I sent him on an errand to find it and take the picture of the quote, so that he could send it to me.
A few years ago, my mom was asked to give a talk on Mother’s Day, and although she is a great mother, and she had great examples in her own life to follow, she recognized that within her own ward there were some people who had a hard time on Mother’s Day. These might have included people who didn’t have children, or maybe a mother not present in the home, or strained relationships in their families. Others were possibly feeling that they were not good enough at being mothers themselves, so she tailored her talk to give them comfort and acceptance. For me, this was my mom’s way of looking at others and having a helping attitude towards them, rather than a judgmental attitude. I am very honored to have my parents Cardell and Rosanne Jacobson here in attendance today.
So, how can we see each other through? We can all agree that it’s important; we see the value in it. What are the ingredients necessary to help us learn to see each other through? I would like to list some of these qualities, although I would not consider this a definitive list by any means.
I would say the first quality would be to have empathy, which means to understand and share the feelings of someone else, even if their circumstances are different than our own. A close cousin to this would-be compassion, which is to show sympathy for someone in need.
Several years ago, I remember a gathering with friends when our children were small. As we were talking, we had idly mentioned that there was a date coming up that was going to be really hard on us. Difficult because we had a lot of performances in one day, our children were small, and we had a lot of equipment and logistics to deal with. The date was months away, so after mentioning it, I did not think too much about what was said at the party about it. Well, months later, about two days before the event, my close friend called me up and she asked, “I remember that you said this coming Saturday was going to be a really hard day for you, and I was just wondering what I could do to help -- whether it’s to help babysit your kids, or bring you food, or whatever? Please just let me know.” This act of compassion made a difference to me. It made my life easier for that one day, but more than that, it also let me know that I had a reliable friend I could count on.
This scripture comes from the Epistle of Jude 1:20-22, and it describes the situation I experienced:
“But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And of some have compassion, making a difference:”
The best part is verse 22, because I think that is what most of us are trying to do.
One of the earliest influences in my life, or someone who has “seen me through,” is a person who was like a second father to me. His name is John Preston Woolf, my high school choir director.
His choirs were always known for their high quality and I think that’s important because it drew people together and made the choir more appealing. The ensembles had a beautiful sound, and he ran rehearsals very efficiently. Everyone enjoyed being a part of something that represented excellence.
I estimate I spent over a 1000 of my hours of high school with him in regular rehearsals, school musicals, tours, and choir performances for all kinds of events, including missionary farewells of former students.
Because of all the time spent together, I felt I knew him pretty well. He would often compliment me on my playing or tell me I was smart. Several years ago, I went to a high school reunion just for choir and I came to find that every single person I ran into also had personal stories to tell about him, how he made them feel they were worth something, or that they were talented or had a great voice. Most could attribute at least a part of their success today back to the way he treated them, and the way they felt after being part of such a successful organization. To the best of his ability, he lived a very Christ-like life and it made a difference to all of us who associated with him. He passed away shortly after my high school graduation, but when it was time for the funeral, there were hundreds of people in attendance. They had hard time finding a place big enough to hold the service, and they settled on, what was then, the Provo Tabernacle.
The next attribute that I would like to add to this list is kindness.
The following story is about kindness. I felt inspired to ask a few former students about their experiences at BYU–Hawaii. I am very thankful to Cooper Johnson for providing me with a lot of information about his experience here, and I am focusing on just a small part of his story to emphasize the kindness that he experienced as a student. These are his words: “The teachers, students, staff, and community members all seemed to care about my well-being, even if we had never met before. People I didn’t know smiled and waved as I walked across campus. I learned that being kind to others was a way of life. I felt a built-in support network from the moment I got there.” Later on, in his message to me, he said, “Several months after I got to Hawaii, I felt a legitimate need to get a car. I prayed for help finding an affordable car in decent condition. I promised the Lord that I would show kindness and help others if I could have my needs met. The Lord blessed me. A friend of mine helped me find a car salesman that sold me a car in great condition and a very low price. In turn, I kept my promise while I was on the island. I picked up people walking in the rain, regularly gave people rides, helped people get to doctor’s appointments, and was the friend known for helping people go shopping on the other side of the island.” Cooper also mentioned how he was blessed through this experience. I appreciate this story for its simplicity and for how similar it is to the things that people do here every day.
When I lived in Tallahassee, Florida, I worked with a man from our ward named Bill Miller. He was the band director at Cobb Middle School, and he hired me play piano for his students and work with them every morning for an hour before school every day for several weeks before to help prepare for their solo and ensemble festival.
On a daily basis, I noticed his interaction with the students. Sometimes he would be working in his office, but he also would work with some students and then check in with the other students and with me to see how their preparation was progressing. As I left the classroom, every day these middle school students would be sitting in place with their noise makers, or their instruments, in hand, but they didn’t play at all from the time the bell rang until the conductor started their warmup. I commented once on how quiet they were, and ready to play, and he said, “Well they’d better be.” and he was right. On a different day, I talked with him about this, and I asked him what he would do if a student ever just ignored him and acted rude about it. He said he would then ask the student if he (as the director) had ever been disrespectful to the student or done anything to cause them to act this way. He said he would then ask them if there was a reason they could not be respectful in the classroom. This is when I stopped asking my questions because I had my answer.
The only reason he could ask this question was because he already knew what the answer would be. He had first shown them the respect they deserved, and he expected them to respect him in return. It was also not surprising to me to find that he had been named Teacher of the Year a few years before that.
Now we can add respect to the list.
This band director was a great teacher because he emphasized the attribute of respect. He also exemplified behavior that King Benjamin taught in the Book of Mormon, in Mosiah 2:17 where he states,
“And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.”
King Benjamin taught this not only in words, but also by his deeds. He showed what a great leader he was through his own example because he had humility and showed respect for others. In the next verse, he says the following:
“Behold, ye have called me your king; and if I, whom ye call your king, do labor to serve you, then ought not ye to labor to serve one another?”
Let me tell you a story that does not have such a great ending. When I was in high school, I became acquainted with a boy a year ahead of me in school. His brother and my brother were good friends and his brother was at our house all the time. I would see this person on occasion, maybe on the school bus which I rarely rode, or sometimes walking home from school. I was not always comfortable around him, although I never felt unsafe around him. It was easy to carry on a conversation with him because I was never worried about what he thought of me. You see, he was seen as being different, and he was constantly picked on wherever he went. I was not really aware of this when we talked, but always a little bit aware of it when other people were around.
One day, we were talking in the hallway at school and about three other guys came running through the hallway and they were calling him names. I remember being shocked, and not knowing what to do, I froze and I did not say anything. Even though I suspected that he was bullied, I had not really seen it first-hand. My friend looked at me, and although I don’t remember his exact words, he accused me of not standing up for him, and then walked off. I tried to apologize to him, but I already knew I had failed him. I didn’t know how to make amends because I couldn’t go back and undo that moment. At that time, I didn’t have the courage to stand up for him. The boys were a little scary to me. They were athletes and certainly more popular than I was, and I thought they might hurt or tease me, and I didn’t always have a lot of confidence in myself just like many other sixteen year olds. I was never mean to him myself, but what I thought was courageous then was just the fact that I spoke to him once in a while. I don’t know if he considered me a friend then or not, but he certainly didn’t ever seem to have any other friends while I knew him.
Looking back now, I realize that I was just popular enough, and at that age, even pretty enough that if I had spoken up, I could have shamed those guys into changing their behavior, at least at that moment. It was also very possible they would have bullied me as well, but for my friend it could have been a lifeline to know someone would stand up for him. I realized from this experience that this probably happened to him all the time.
Now it doesn’t help to dwell on a story like this unless we learn from it. I learned a lot from it; it’s hard to realize I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can change the way I act in the future. The attribute that I needed than and didn’t have enough of, was courage.
Courage to stand up for someone else. Courage to do the right thing. Courage to face up to someone even when we are afraid.
Some of the things I can learn from this story are actually explained very well in a talk by President Dallin H. Oaks (Nov 2014) entitled ‘’Loving Others and Living with Differences.” He says,
“When our positions do not prevail, we should accept unfavorable results graciously and practice civility with our adversaries. In any event, we should be persons of goodwill toward all, rejecting persecution of any kind, including persecution based on race, ethnicity, religious belief or nonbelief, and differences in sexual orientation.”
This story also relates to verse two of Lead, Kindly Light. Verse 1 indicates a willingness to follow the spirit. Verse 2 is like a flashback reminding us of where we were in the past…
This is part of the text from that verse: “I was not ever (or always) thus, …I loved to choose my path; but now, Lead thou me on! … in spite of fears, Pride ruled my will. Remember not, past years.
Now I would like to tell you a story that I heard from a good friend of mine this past spring, and I really appreciate the permission to use this story, because it’s very personal. Prior to this, we had talked many times about school related things and never talked about our own families. At this time, however, he mentioned to me that he had a son who had passed away. His son Adam, through a series of poor decisions, ended up in jail. He also suffered from a drug addiction and eventually died because of this addiction. He told me he never would have chosen this life for his son, and I imagine that all of this would be difficult for any parent to witness. In the wake of his passing, there was still something be learned from the experience, however. At the funeral for Adam, there was an opportunity given for anyone who knew him to be able to get up and speak and say something about him. As it turns out, there were quite a few people who wanted to say something about their experiences with Adam. While he was incarcerated, there were some people with him who could not read or write, so one of the things he would do for his fellow inmates would be to read the letters that were written to them, and then assist them further by writing letters back to their families. Another person got up and talked about her own drug addiction and how she would never have been able to recover from that addiction without Adam’s kindness and encouragement. I got the impression that he was really able to make a positive difference to people in a place where maybe no one really wants to be, but the need is still there, and possibly the need is even greater there than a lot of other places in the world. For me, this shows that we don’t have to necessarily be a leader to make a difference in someone else’s life. We can be filled with our own problems and difficulties and still help out others or “see them through.”
The last two qualities to add to our list now are faith and prayer.
Almost three years ago, our neighbor David Paddock was injured when he fell twenty to thirty feet from an avocado tree onto asphalt. His wife wrote beautiful messages about prayer and faith while waiting for him to recover from a coma. Our whole ward was praying and fasting for their family, and her blog was so special to us because we felt like we were going through a part of the experience together. With permission, I’m going to share with you Jenne Paddock’s words about what happened to her husband from her blog, because I found her messages concerning faith and prayer very inspiring. First of all, the “Injuries [he] sustained include broken pelvis, 3 broken ribs, collapsed lung, broken wrist, lacerated liver, burst adrenal gland, broken skull and facial bones and most importantly, diffuse brain injury.” Jenne wrote, “Something I would like to share is that I have never before in my life felt in such a real and palpable way the power of prayer. It’s something I’ve heard talked about often but in the past six days I have literally felt it around me, giving me clarity, holding my pieces together, comforting me. It comes to me from you, from Heavenly Father, surrounding me and filling in all my weak spaces. I really don’t know how to describe it but it is truly, magnificently powerful and real. Deep thanks to all of you praying for us and keeping us in your hearts. What you are doing matters and has made a difference. I know all my days will not be as peaceful as today, but when the next storm comes it will be this power and comfort that I will cling to and that will bring me through.” The expression that Jenne gave about feeling the prayers literally has stayed with me ever since I read it. This is a picture taken the year after the accident happened.
I can’t give this talk without mentioning one more person in who has really seen me through in my life and that person is my husband. When we got married, he got a full time teaching job, but I was still in school, so because I had a longer commute, he would come home from work and do all the cooking as well. As he mentioned earlier, I was in a serious car accident during graduate school. Following that accident, he had to continue all of his own responsibilities, but also take care of me, and take on all of the household responsibilities. He even taught one of my classes. When our kids came along, he took equal interest in them, and there has been no task required of him that he is unwilling to do. He supports me in my desires for work and artistic development, and I could not do the work on campus in all that I do without his help. He follows a lifelong pattern of service to me and the rest of our family.
Finally, I have to say the students here are also my current inspiration. They are very impressive. Some have health or emotional issues. Others are concerned about their appearance; some have problems at home with family that is distracting for their school work. I’ve had more than one student who experienced a miscarriage and then told me later it was hard to go to church and see others with their babies. Some have suffered emotional and/or physical abuse. Some have ongoing problems; some have problems in the past who might need help of a counselor today. Some struggle with addiction or same sex attractions. Some are from war torn countries. These are the people I hope to reach today. Seeing the way students here deal with their problems gives me courage, helps me to do better. If you are one of these people, I sincerely hope you can find the help that you need, whether it’s from a teacher, a counselor, a church leader, or a friend. Sometimes help can be hard to find, especially if we’re not comfortable opening up. One of my closest friends, who has experienced times of great loneliness told me some stories that broke my heart. When I asked about dealing with these experiences my friend said that it became ultimately the most important thing to have a relationship with the Savior. This is what helped “see them through.”
I love how many general authorities have commented on how special Laie is. Jeffrey R. Holland talked about the “Parable of Laie” one time when he was here. President Marion G. Romney of the First Presidency said this about BYU–Hawaii: “This college is a living laboratory in which individuals who share the teachings of the Master Teacher have an opportunity for developing an appreciation, tolerance, and esteem for one another. For what can be done here interculturally in a small way is what mankind must do on a large scale if we are ever to have real brotherhood on this earth” (Church News, 10 Feb.1973, p. 15).
Now I return to the message from the choir musical selection today “Lead, Kindly Light”. It is my favorite hymn; I really like the way this melody is crafted, with interesting rhythm and I like the way the first notes of the phrase go up to the word “light.” In fact, analyzing the melody could be topic for conversation. But it’s also the message that moves me. When things in my life are difficult, or hard, I find solace in this hymn. We can always look for the light of Christ to comfort us, and help us be calm about what’s going on around us. For me, all three hymns sung today remind me that we are all children of our Heavenly Father. Our Savior Jesus Christ is there for us, twenty-four/seven. For the last hymn, I am asking for all of us to sing “Our Savior’s Love” as a reminder that we all need to have a personal relationship with Christ. Where there are gaps in our needs that can’t be filled, we can always rely on the Savior and His infinite love for each of us as individuals. There is no experience that we can have that He will not understand. No more words that I can write will match the beauty of all of us singing together this hymn filled with hope, so I think to perfect way to finish is just the way we started. I’m thankful to Mouria Ngati A’u on the organ & Ka Wing Ho for conducting the hymns today.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.