Brothers and Sisters, Aloha and Mabuhay!
This campus holds a very special place in my heart. It was on this campus on Valentine’s Day in 1993 that I expressed my love to the man of my dreams. Well, I didn’t really express it vocally at that time, but I used those tiny rub-on letters and disguised the phrase “I love you” on a valentine’s card. To this day, its been a friendly debate in our marriage as to who said “I love you” first. Although Aaron said it vocally later on that Valentine’s Day, because I wrote “I love you” first, and as the saying goes “actions speak louder than words,” so I win! Along with all the fun memories I have of this campus, BYU–Hawaii is also very special to me because this is where I learned to overcome my fear of being independent, away from home, my parents, my friends and family.
I have to admit that when I got accepted to come to school here, I was much less excited about my going than my parents were. My friends and family constantly reminded me that I was so lucky to study abroad, but I was not looking forward to leaving home. As my parents and I tried to get my visa to come here, my feelings of staying were reinforced when I was denied a visa, twice. Getting denied twice didn’t stop my parents from trying the 3rd time but this time, I had to go to the U.S. consulate alone. My father was a mission president and they had a zone conference to go to. Before I left, my father asked me to pray and fast that the Lord’s will would be accomplished and to set aside my fears and selfish desires. He asked me to open my heart and mind to what the Lord would have me do. My visa interview was so short, I thought I’d been denied again, but then the officer stamped my passport and before I knew it, I had my visa! It was then that I finally realized and felt that studying at BYU–Hawaii was what my Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I’ve always had a testimony of the scripture found in 1 Nephi 3:7 that I know that the Lord won’t give me anything (a commandment or a trial or an opportunity) without also making a way for me to fulfill that commandment, endure that trial or take advantage of that opportunity.
Having that knowledge did not mean it was easy to adjust when I first arrived. It was very difficult for me to be away from home and I was home sick my whole first semester. I didn’t even have a roommate to share my pain. I arrived the day before school started and as I walked into my room, my assigned roommate was moving out to room with someone else. I was glad that at least nobody would have to see how homesick I was as I cried every night for the first few weeks. My brother Michael was here attending school and my sister Pia and her family lived in town, and although they both tried their best to help me adjust, it was still very hard. As I immersed myself in my studies, made friends, worked, joined the Filipino club, went to campus dances and activities and most of all made prayer and scripture study a part of my daily routine, I began to feel Heavenly Father’s love for me in a way I had never felt before, and my doubts and fears and homesickness slowly disappeared.
That was my first personal experience with the principle taught in the scriptures that “perfect love casteth out fear.” I learned to rely on my Heavenly Father. His unending love for me gave me the strength to overcome my homesickness. President Hinckley once declared, “How great and magnificent is the power of love to overcome fear and doubt, worry and discouragement” (God hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear, October 1984). During my 1st semester here at BYU–Hawaii, I was surrounded with love from my ward family, friends and church leaders. I also felt the love of my parents and siblings from thousands of miles away.
Our trials and fears may come in different degrees, but it’s how we stand up to face them that counts instead of allowing fear to drag us down. We also should not judge people based on their trials and fears. What may seem a very trivial trial to one person may feel like a very difficult trial to the one experiencing it. Regardless of the trial’s size or intensity, it’s the power of love that can help us through it. Perfect love casteth out fear.
Permit me to share another example from my own life. As a young child I had a terrible fear of swallowing medicine tablets. When I was about 12 or so I came down with a high fever. Figuring I was big enough, my father gave me pills for my fever instead of the usual syrup. I pretended to swallow them and drank lots of water but actually slipped the pills down the side of my bed to the floor. My sneakiness came to an abrupt end when one of my siblings found the pills under my bed and ratted me to my father. The next time I was sick, my father watched me carefully to make sure I swallowed the pill. With a few attempts and lots of water, I failed each time, until the pill ended up a soggy mess at the bottom of my cup. With tears in my eyes, I announced that I couldn’t swallow it. Instead of being mad, my father went to the kitchen, got another pill, squashed it into powder, put a little sugar and honey on it and had me take it. It was nasty but I swallowed it. Fast forward eleven years later. I’m expecting our first child and I still can’t swallow a pill. If you’ve seen how big those prenatal vitamins are compared to regular pills, you would understand how terrified it was to me who had never swallowed a pill. I still remember staring at that monster pill for the first time and telling myself "I can’t do it!” Aaron had to coax me over and over until he finally said “It’s for the baby!” That changed something in me. My overpowering love for my unborn baby gave me strength to swallow that huge pill. Now, after having six babies, I’m sure I can swallow three prenatal pills at a time if I have to.
“Perfect Love casteth out all fear.” Swallowing a pill may be very simple for some of you (or all of you) but for me, it was once a terrifying thing to do. This experience also taught me that sometimes it is through others or for others that we find strength to overcome our fears. The love that they have for us or the love we have for them helps us realize that with God nothing is impossible. Because God is love, we can also say that “with perfect Love nothing is impossible.”
Another fear that can plague us, especially you students here at BYU–Hawaii, is the fear of doing things we are not accustomed to doing. We may fear that we can never speak English like a native speaker can, so we fail to try. We may fear that we cannot make friends with those of other ethnic groups, so we don’t get involved in campus activities. Or we may fear that we will not be attractive to a righteous man or woman so we fail to date because it’s easier to just hang out with friends. Love can help us overcome any fear of doing things that we’ve never done before or getting out of our comfort zone and trying new things. The more we try new things the easier it gets to be open to possibilities of learning and growing and succeeding. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” The words of Isaiah give me comfort when he said “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee” (Isaiah 41:10).
Brothers and sisters, I know with all of my heart that if we prayerfully seek Heavenly Father’s help, and be humble and teachable, that he will help turn our fears into strengths.
Accepting church callings gives us an opportunity to try new things, despite our fears or feelings of inadequacy. When I turned 10, my Stake President (who happened to be my father) called me into his office. He extended a calling to me as the Stake pianist. I had been playing the piano since age five and I felt very comfortable behind the piano. This was a calling that was never scary to me. So as a Freshman student here at BYU–Hawaii, when my Bishop called me into his office I was totally confident that he’d give me the calling of the ward pianist. Imagine my surprise when he extended a calling that I least expected- a Sunday School teacher. I remember my heart racing and feeling so inadequate that I thought, “maybe he’s got the wrong person.” My father always taught me that a calling is from the Lord and that I should always willingly accept any call. So I kept all my fears to myself and smiled and accepted the call. I was terrified (with English as my second language) I wasn’t sure I’d be able to teach and express myself in a way that I would be understood. I’d never prayed so hard in my life as I did preparing for that first lesson but as I came to know and love the people I taught, it wasn’t as scary as it seemed. My love for the Lord and for my fellow students cast out the fear of teaching and speaking in English. And I can also honestly say the same today, that my love for all of you and for this University is stronger than my fear of speaking before this large group.
“Perfect Love casteth out all fear”
Sometimes we are afraid of the difficulties we may face in striving to keep certain commandments. After Aaron put a ring on my finger (in June 1993), he left to go to China to study Mandarin for a semester. He was to come home 7 days before we got married on December 15. During our long distance engagement, we wrote letters that helped us get to know each other’s philosophies and feelings on certain things to prepare us for our marriage, like where we want to live and raise our children, how many kids we want to have and foremost when or how soon we want to have children. Because infertility is prominent in our family, I had this deep fear that I might not be able to have children of my own. When Aaron expressed how he wanted to wait for a little while before having children when we got married, I felt strongly that I had to tell him how I felt. We decided that we would pray and fast about it and write our answers and feelings in a letter and mail it to each other. I felt strongly about not waiting and so I wrote Aaron these very words, “If I’m not ready for motherhood, I’m not ready for marriage.” I feared this response would have a negative effect on Aaron especially if he strongly felt that we should wait. When I received Aaron’s response, I was overcome with joy that we both got the same answer “to not wait to have children after marriage.” It turns out that the reason he wanted to wait was to give us more time together since we were apart for our whole engagement, and not because he did not want kids right away. We decided that if the Lord wanted us to have kids right away, we would not hinder him from giving us that blessing. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we read, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
I know that as we try our best to keep His commandments, he will guide and bless us in ways we can’t comprehend. Despite our efforts to have children right away, the
Lord’s timetable allowed us time together for 2½ years later before our first child came. I want to think that God recognized our need to grow in love and understanding as a couple before kids came. Or He probably knew that if we had kids before I graduated, I would easily and happily have given up school to care for my children. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me personally and understands my every need and the desires of my heart. As the Apostle John said, “There is no fear in love but perfect love casteth out fear” (1 John 4:18).
The day I married Aaron was one of the most peaceful days of my life as I felt Heavenly Fathers love and approval. My love for him cast out any fear of the unknown future. Whatever the future brought, he and I would face it together.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are blessed with a knowledge of the gospel. We know why we are here -to gain a body and be tested- and where we’re going after this life. With that understanding, we are able to see the bigger picture and eternal perspective when trials come our way. Having a testimony of the plan of salvation helps us understand why death is necessary, which means there’s no need to fear it. Let’s have faith that in time we will gain an understanding of things that for now we may not comprehend. When we question why we have the problems we do, we can trust in the Savior’s love for us. The Savior invited us in Doctrine & Covenants, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (D&C 6:36).
I love Hymns and the way they teach the principles of the Gospel. The Hymn “When Faith Endures” clearly describes how Faith can dispel Fear through the infinite love of our Heavenly Father.
When Faith Endures (Hymn #128)
I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God's love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.
I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.
As members of His church, one of the things we can do to live by faith and not by fear is to magnify our efforts to share the gospel. I am fortunate enough to have wonderful parents who were great examples of living their faith and who had absolutely no fear when it came to sharing the gospel. I admit that I didn’t think their boldness was anything to admire at first. When I was younger, I remember my mother always talking to people she didn’t even know about the gospel. Every time we’d take a taxi to go somewhere in the Philippines she would sit in the front seat of the cab, even if there was enough room for her in the back seat, just so she could talk to the cab driver. She wouldn’t start with small talk because she knew our ride wouldn’t take that long. Her usual approach started with a question: “Do you have a family?” And when they would say “yes,” she would continue to say “well, next time you see those two young men in white shirts with a black nametag on their chest walking on the street, you should talk to them and listen to what they have to say!” She would go on to ask if they’d heard about the Mormons and the conversation would continue that way until we reached our destination. During this time, I am ashamed to admit that I sat in the back seat, completely embarrassed, and wishing I could disappear. She would always end by saying “You will find real happiness when you listen and accept what our missionaries have to offer your family.” She had such love for her fellowmen that she had no fear of what their response would be – she just wanted them to find the happiness she had.
Her example gave me strength later on when I found myself having opportunities to share the gospel with my nonmember friends at school. I attended an all-girls Catholic school during my elementary and high school years. At the beginning of my junior year, I decided to borrow my father’s seminary filmstrip projector - the old style where you have to bring a separate cassette player to play the sounds and manually turn the filmstrips. I showed my favorite seminary filmstrips to my friends and they laughed and cried. They asked questions here and there when certain Mormon phrases came up like “baptisms for the dead,” “Personal progress,” and “temple marriage.” After the first showing, they kept begging for more. It was such a hit that watching seminary filmstrips became our lunch- break ritual until our family moved when my parents got called as mission presidents in the middle of my Junior year. Little did I know then that one of my good friends in that group would end up joining the church.
I’m not always as bold as I should be when it comes to sharing the gospel but when I do take advantage of the opportunities that Heavenly Father gives me I firmly believe that He gives me courage. If it was all just up to me, my fear would take over and I’d walk away, and as I’d walk away I’d start rationalizing that maybe it wasn’t the right time, or I wouldn’t want to jeopardize my friendship with her, or maybe she’ll reject me or I might not be able to answer her questions and so on. I now know that as we pray for opportunities to share the gospel and if we’re willing to do all we can to open our mouths, the spirit will guide us to say the right things at the right time to the right person. The Lord assures us in Doctrine and Covenants that he will be there for us, “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.” (Doctrine and Covenants 68:6).
I experienced the blessing of this promise when Aaron and I lived in Virginia getting ready to go to Law school. One morning when I went out to check our mail I saw a lady on the other side of the street carrying a sewing machine towards the dumpsters. She looked Asian and I thought, maybe she’s Filipino. I called out to her and asked if she was going to throw the sewing machine away. She was looking at me funny and nodded yes.. Then she asked if I wanted it. She said she got a new one and didn’t need her old one. It was still in great condition so I asked for it. Judging by her accent, I asked if she was Chinese. She said yes and without thinking, I said “my husband speaks Chinese. He served as a missionary for our church for two years in Taiwan.” I saw her face light up when I said Aaron spoke Chinese and then a confused look crossed her face as she said “missionary?” I further explained that we were Mormons and when our young men turn 19, they go on missions to different places to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. From then on Regina and I got together often so our sons could play. We became really good friends. She asked me a lot about the church and what I believe in but I never asked her to take the missionary discussions. I did invite her to church and she came a few times but then she started a laundromat business and got really busy. After a few months, I wondered to myself if I was just scared to ask her if she’d be willing to listen to the missionaries. So Aaron and I prayed about it and decided it’s time for me to ask her. On my way to her laundromat, I prayed for the strength and courage to make the invitation. When I got there, she was so excited to see me. She said “perfect timing, no costumers,” and when we sat down she said “May, I want to ask you something.” I thought she was going to ask me her usual questions about the church, but I was surprised to hear what came out of her mouth next. She said, “May, do you think I could join your church? And what should I do to get baptized?” At that moment, all my fears vanished and my heart was filled with gratitude to my Heavenly Father and love for my dear friend.
Perfect love casteth out all fears! Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “The most effective missionaries, member and full-time, always act out of love.… I hope no person we approach with an invitation to hear the message of the restored gospel feels that we are acting out of any reason other than a genuine love for them and an unselfish desire to share something we know to be precious. If we lack this love for others, we should pray for it” (Sharing the Gospel, Ensign, Nov. 2001).
I know that as Aaron and I prayed for Regina, we both grew to love her and wanted so much for her to enjoy the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It was the love I had for my friend that helped me have the courage to go see her with the intention of inviting her. And in the end she beat me to it. While Regina was taking the missionary discussions she invited her nephew, who was staying with her, to join her learn more about the LDS church.
Aaron baptized Regina Au on June 1, 1997, and Regina’s nephew got baptized a week earlier.
I will be eternally grateful for the missionaries who were so bold and courageous and filled with love for my parents when they tracted into them in the Philippines back in 1964.
Elder Neilson and Elder Roskelly taught them patiently. Just before they were baptized, Elder Neilson was transferred and despite my parents’ efforts to find him whenever they travelled to Utah, they were unsuccessful. Then out of the blue Aaron’s sister called to tell us that she was in the same Family Home Evening group with a young man whose father had served in the Philippines, and that he said he had taught a newlywed couple named Villanueva. Turns out it was Elder Neilson! This past summer, while I was in Utah, I was able to meet Elder Nielson and his wife.
He shared with me excerpts from his journal describing his visits to my parents and for the last 50 years he had no idea what became of my parents. He expressed how he feared for my parents as new converts in 1964 because they moved to a new place soon after their baptism.
He was very thrilled to know that they had stayed active in the church, had served in various callings including being mission parents in the Philippines and were instrumental in building the Kingdom of God in the areas where they lived in the Philippines. My parents’ excitement about sharing the gospel had everything to do with the gratitude they felt for the gospel in their lives and their desire to share the happiness they felt with others. They were both constantly talking to family and friends about the gospel. It took 20 years, but finally my father’s parents were baptized in the 1980s. My mother’s parents never did join the Church, but I know they have accepted the gospel in the spirit world. Speaking of the spirit world, have you ever thought of what it would be like to meet someone you knew on earth who did not have the gospel and have them ask you why you didn’t share it? Can you imagine them asking you “Why did you not tell me about your church, May, you’re my neighbor, you’re my family… you’re my friend!” And I can’t think of an excuse good enough to explain why I didn’t open my mouth. Brothers and sisters, we need to open our mouths and share the gospel with everyone. I know it is not the easiest thing to do but we need to understand that everyone needs to have a chance to hear the gospel. I used to think that being a successful member missionary depended on how many people were baptized due to my efforts. I’ve had my share of rejections as a member missionary and if I counted those times as failures then it would have discouraged me from ever opening my mouth again to share the gospel. But I learned over time that we are already successful the minute we open our mouths and share the gospel even if our friends and family refuse to join. Elder Clayton M. Christensen has observed that, “Once we realize that we succeed as member missionaries when we invite people to learn and accept the truth, much of the fear that [keeps] us from sharing the gospel vanished” (Seven Lessons on Sharing the Gospel, Ensign, February 2005).
When we get discouraged and fearful of trying again when people reject the gospel, let us remember what Paul admonished Timothy, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord” (2 Timothy 1:7-8).
As we commemorate today the anniversary of the 1955 Church College of Hawaii groundbreaking ceremony, allow me to read part of President David O. McKay’s dedicatory prayer which is a reminder to all of us of how great a role this beautiful community had played and will continue to play in building the kingdom of God. “We dedicate our actions in this service unto thee and unto thy glory and to the salvation of the children of men, that this college, and the temple, and the town of Laie may become a missionary factor, influencing not thousands, not tens of thousands, but millions of people who will come seeking to know what this town and its significance are” (Dedicatory Prayer, Feb. 12, 1955).
Brothers and sisters, I know with all of my heart that as people come to this campus and this community they will immediately feel a special spirit that will soften their hearts to learn more about our Savior Jesus Christ, just as President McKay promised and blessed this community 57 years ago. Let us live the gospel to the fullest so we can feel our Savior’s love and replace our fears with Charity, His pure and perfect love, and as we do so we will have a greater desire to share the gospel with our family, friends and neighbors.
Christ is a great example of perfect love. He never feared. He had a perfect understanding of His role as our Savior and Redeemer, He didn’t fear the tempest sea, He didn’t turn away from the pain of Gethsemane or the crucifixion in Golgotha, He didn’t fear his own death. He had a perfect knowledge of the love that his Heavenly Father had for him that’s why he never feared. Let us follow his example and know the perfect love that our Heavenly Father has for us so we can cast our fears through faith in our Savior is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.