One of my earliest memories is of sitting on my Grandma Winder’s back porch in the early morning sun, eating her hot homemade “brown” bread dripping with melted butter and honey. For the first thirteen years of my life, before her passing, I lived next door in rural Granger, Utah, to my grandpa and my grandma, Alma Eliza Cannon Winder. Grandma’s influence upon me was profound. I felt loved and cherished by her. Later as I’ve learned more about her life, I have come to know that this loving act of sharing her bread with me was representative of her constant kindnesses to others. Her goodness came from her natural optimism and her faith in God. This faith helped her endure life’s inevitable trials. She epitomized to me a woman who could “stand on her feet and go forward by putting her trust and faith in [God]”. [1]
Let me tell you a little about this ordinary, yet extraordinary woman, so you can learn lessons of faith and service from her, as I have learned.
Through Grandma, I am connected to Hawaii. She is the granddaughter of George Q. Cannon, who as many of you know, was among the first group of LDS missionaries to serve in these islands in 1850. After their first discouraging months, some of that group of young men defected and left the mission. But George Q. Cannon determined to stay and fulfill the call he had received from an apostle of the Lord. Through both diligent work and miraculous blessings he brought the Gospel to many prepared Hawaiians. Also he and one of those converts, Jonathan Napela, translated the Book of Mormon into the Hawaiian language. We are meeting today in a building that bears his name. Outside there is a statue of George Q. Cannon and Jonathan Napela. As a family we feel a huge debt of gratitude for this legacy of faith, diligence, and service George Q. Cannon has passed on to us.
With that heritage, imagine how excited my grandma and grandpa must have been to receive a mission call to serve in Hawaii together immediately after they were married. They came here on their honeymoon and stayed for 2 ½ years. They attended the dedication of the temple here in Laie and then served most of their mission in Hilo on the Big Island. Their first daughter, Barbara, was born while they were there.
Now that I have the opportunity to also serve a type of mission here, I think of them every day. I think of their diligent effort to learn the language, their sacrifice to leave their families (with no technology for immediate communication), their courage to have their first baby so far from home (with no modern conveniences), and their great love for the people and for the Lord. Their example of faith is a great strength to me. Their cheerfulness in the face of challenges motivates me to try to be more like them.
They lived as President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished us when he said we should stand on our feet and move forward. He repeatedly told us to rise to the divinity within us, to be the best we can be. He said:
“Never lose sight of the great reassuring power of the Atonement of the Savior to lift and save. . . Do not nag yourself with a sense of failure. . . Do the best you can. . . get on your knees and plead with the Lord for help and strength and direction. . . then stand on your feet and move forward. I am absolutely confident that heaven will smile upon [you]. The Lord will hear and answer your prayers if you will commit yourselves, giving your very best to this work. . . Then you will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price.” [2]
I think of this counsel in five simple parts: (1) Don’t nag yourself with feelings of failure; (2) Get on your knees and plead with the Lord; (3) Get on your feet and go forward; (4) Trust in the Lord, and (5) (a promise) You will find you have accomplished something beyond price. This counsel reminds us to have faith in Jesus Christ, following his example as He prayed for strength to know the will of the Father and then did it, accomplishing something beyond price in behalf of each of us.
My grandma lived this way. She was optimistic despite her trials. She gave no place for self-pity. She “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38), as Jesus Christ did, choosing to forget herself in service to others. She endured to the end with patience and even much good humor. Her determined faith in Jesus Christ and modeling of his goodness not only carried her through her challenges, but left for her posterity a legacy beyond price.
Grandma was a naturally happy person. She was positive in her outlook and very social in her love for other people. Yet as a young mother she knew deep sorrow. Tragedy struck twice–first with the death of little, Hawaiian-born Barbara, their firstborn child, and then later with the untimely death of another little daughter, Helen Margaret. Grandma tells in intermittent journal entries a few details about the circumstances and her feelings about the deaths of these two little girls. She says about 6-year-old Barbara:
“Oh, the whole thing is such a horrible nightmare. On January 30 Mother stayed out here and [Barbara] was very sick, so the next morning we took her in, intending to go right to the hospital, but [the doctor] advised us not to so we stayed at Mother’s. . . The next day we went to the doctor and . . . he was very reassuring. . . . She seemed so much improved. However after dinner she began going delirious and by 5 o’clock was right out of her head. The last word she ever said was “That’s all.” When I think of that night I turn cold, for dear little Babs nearly died. . . she was taken to the hospital immediately. . . five nights I spent at the hospital. She never regained consciousness and it was pitiful to watch her. Tuesday she nearly died again, but rallied. They got meningitis serum in her and she seemed better. . . . It first helped but Saturday she became worse, and Saturday night she was gone. When she was gone there was no hope, but before I had never given up hope. I just felt at first like I couldn’t stand to live without her, but when I saw Ed (her husband and my grandpa) and the boys I knew I would have to live for them.
“It is now nearly two months after and oh, my heart just aches. I sometimes think I am unequal to the task of going on without her. I am sure I couldn’t have stood it if Ed and the kiddies and everyone hadn’t been so nice. Oh, but I loved Babs and miss her so. Little would anyone dream from the outside appearances just how lonesome I am for my darling.” (Journal of Alma Eliza Cannon Winder, in family’s possession).
When I read this journal, my heart also aches. But I feel Grandma’s great inner strength as she carries on and continues to care for her other family members in the midst of her sorrow. Giving that needed service was actually crucial in helping her cope with her sadness.
There are no specific journal entries about Helen Margaret’s death. But other children in the family recall that when she was about two and a half months of age she suddenly became ill and was also hospitalized for a week before she died. As a mother myself, I can imagine the devastation my grandparents must have felt to lose another daughter. Yet in spite of her suffering, Grandma chose to exert her faith in Jesus Christ and move forward, living for her husband and other children. It was her eternal commitment to her family that moved her forward. She said that these trials helped her to be more empathetic and kind with others in their challenges.
Later in her life when I lived next to her, she suffered from a blood disease that I never knew anything about. To me, she was simply my loving grandma who read to me, invited me to tea parties, brought homemade soup to me when I was sick, taught me how to laugh at myself, and always had hot homemade brown bread coming from her oven. She never mentioned the disease, but since then I have read occasional journal entries where she mentions what a sore trial this was. Here is part of her journal:
“I am 61 and my skin has been broken out about 7 years. It came on all of a sudden. They don’t seem to know just what it is. The eruption leaves in the summer. I am writing this so if any of you children ever have the same thing, develop the philosophy I have tried to develop. ‘Things that can’t be cured must be endured.’ It has been a great trial to me, but I am sure I have been more tolerant of people and tried to be sweeter and kinder because of it.”
A year later she wrote, “I still have my skin disease after about 8 years. . . . I used to feel so peppy and now I have felt kind of sick most of the time. . . . Even so, it could be worse and I am thankful I am alive. Dad (my grandpa) has been such a darling, understanding fellow in spite of my blemishes – Bless him– I will always be grateful to him.”
Her last entry came a month before she died about 8 years later. She said, “My skin trouble has taken a turn for the worse. . . lumps have developed on my side and back. They are bad sores . . . but I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting me live this long. Dad has been so good, kind and sweet to me.”
When I read her journal now, knowing what I now know about her 17-year long illness, I am astonished at how few times she mentions her debilitating disease in her journals -- and never to us. Instead, she focuses on the welfare of her family and friends, and expresses joy in life. Only after her death did we learn that Grandma died from what was then a rare blood cancer manifesting itself in skin flare-ups. Only then did we glimpse what the Grandma who loved to laugh with us, to invite us for hot homemade bread, and to ask us about our “beaux,” had so graciously endured. “What cannot be cured, must be endured.” And she endured it so well!
Grandma and Grandpa had always loved Hawaii so deeply that they vowed to share their experiences with their family. It was in this final year of her life that Grandpa insisted that we take this trip as an entire family (over 30 people) to Hawaii. One of their sons with his family was serving a mission at the time. The rest of us said we could wait until they returned home from their mission in the coming year, but Grandpa was determined that we had to go immediately. Only he knew the seriousness of Grandma’s illness, so he insisted that we take the trip quickly, though we did not know why. Grandma died several months after we returned from that family trip to Hawaii.
Here was a woman who didn’t dwell on her feelings of inadequacy or her trials. Instead she got on her knees and prayed for strength, then got on her feet and went forward cheerfully serving her family and neighbors, trusting in Heavenly Father and enduring to the end. She lived by her own motto that if something could not be cured, it could and must be endured. Grandma not only endured, she prevailed. She refused to wallow in self-pity. Instead, she reached out to others in compassion, in kindness. She was as King Benjamin taught us that we should be “meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us.” All the years I knew her, she was sick, but I never knew it. Her legacy of goodness, patience in suffering, and endurance with a smile is something beyond price for each of her posterity.
One of Grandma’s secrets, I think, is that she learned to endure and be happy by losing herself in service to others. She embodied the truth taught by the Savior to his disciples: “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” (Luke 9:24)
I remember Pres. Monson’s poignant illustration of this. He said that a distinguished medical doctor, Dr. McConnel who helped develop the polio vaccine, the medicine Tylenol, and the procedure of MRI’s, created at the end of his career “an organization called Volunteers in Medicine. This gives retired medical personnel a chance to volunteer at free clinics serving the working uninsured. Dr. McConnell said his leisure time since he retired has evaporated into 60-hour weeks of unpaid work, but [his] energy level has increased and there is a satisfaction in [his] life that wasn’t there before.’ He made this statement: ‘In one of those paradoxes of life, I have benefited more from Volunteers in Medicine than my patients have.” [3]
Likewise, I think Grandma may have felt that way. Grandma’s many kindnesses to others may have been the healing balm that got her through her daily struggles. Certainly it diverted her thinking about her own woes to others with their troubles.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf and President Russell M. Nelson have taught us about joy. They both taught that it does not come to us because of happy circumstances, but rather in the midst of any circumstances. And the joy comes to us through the way we choose to respond to what is happening.
My mother began teaching me at a young age this same important lesson, to forget my own problems by thinking of and helping others through theirs. On my first nervous day of kindergarten, my mother held my hand as we walked into the classroom. Across the room, sitting by herself was a little girl who was crying. “Oh Susie,” my mom said to me, “you must go and be her friend.” My mother let go of my hand and suddenly I forgot my own fears as I obediently set out to help someone else.
This is the 2nd day of a new semester. Many of you may feel lonely or homesick or unsure in your classes or your relationships or troubled in some way by other circumstances here. I promise you that you will feel better about any of your personal challenges if you find someone else who has it equally hard or even harder and forget yourself to help them. Pres. David O. McKay said, “Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.” It is a gospel truth; it works like magic.
Grandma shared both intangible kindnesses of the heart and tangible kindnesses of the hands. Among Grandma’s tangible kindnesses were pots of soup for the sick, dairy products for the neighbors, and hot loaves of bread for anyone in need. When the tangible goods were delivered, others’ spirits were lifted, and often they would share feelings of their hearts. She followed what King Benjamin taught: “I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally." (Mosiah 4:26)
In a sense Grandma’s simple loaves of brown bread were miracle loaves which have miraculously multiplied over the years, as we, her daughters and sons, granddaughters and grandsons have tried symbolically and literally to share bread with others. Sharing blesses the giver and the receiver, and sometimes, as with Jesus Christ, five small loaves may miraculously feed more than five thousand hungry, needy people.
For the giver, the effort may sometimes feel like jogging uphill feels to me. Even the slightest incline requires so much effort. But once I have made that effort and I’m on the downward slope, I say over and over to myself, “Now let the road carry you.” When we are in the midst of a personal challenge, if we can make that huge uphill effort to think of others in need and serve them, then that very act will carry us over our hills of discouragement. And the road can carry us the rest of the way toward renewed purpose and hope. Perhaps in a sense Grandma’s kindnesses to others helped carry her through her own problems.
I remember a day when I was serving as Young Women President when sharing some loaves of bread carried me through some struggles. After first getting on my knees and praying fervently for answers and strength to deal with my problems, I felt impressed to rise to my feet and make a dozen little loaves of whole wheat bread to take with me to the office. Each time I gave one away, the recipient opened his or her heart and shared some tender feelings. A secretary said, “How did you know it was my birthday; no one else has remembered me.” A much admired general authority lamented, “Some days I wish I had at least one thing like making bread, that I could do well.” The parents of an open-heart surgery patient confided, “Let us share with you the priesthood miracles involved with this surgery for our daughter.” An executive director said, “I will give this to my wife who is sitting each day in the hospital with our daughter who has leukemia.” Another leader reminisced, “This brings my mother back to me, because she too made bread.” These little experiences leavened my day with the spirit and carried me through that day. My burdens had been lifted. I felt happy.
President Hinckley said: “Do you want to be happy? Forget yourself and get lost in this great cause. Lend your efforts to helping people. Look to the Lord and live and work to lift and serve His sons and daughters. You will come to know a happiness that you have never known before if you will do that. . . You can lift people and help them. Heaven knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. Let us stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others.” [4]
In our own way each of us can be part of the miracle of the loaves. President David O. McKay talked about the miracle of a leavening influence coming from this university. He said, “This school is going to produce. . . leaders. . . who are true to the ideals, who will leaven the whole lump. . . influencing not thousands, not tens of thousands, but millions”.8 Like the leaven that makes bread bigger and bigger, light and delicious, we can be the leaven in the world that makes the influence of the Gospel grow and spread.
The little loaves I gave away then and over the years became miracle loaves for me as much or more than for those with whom I shared them. Just like Grandma’s loaves. On those summer mornings of my childhood, Grandma gave me more than hot brown bread dripping with butter and honey. Little did I realize that she was giving me something far more precious and lasting. She was giving an example of service, faith, courage, and endurance that has sustained and nourished my soul over the years. She taught me what it meant to get on your knees everyday to ask Heavenly Father to bless you, and then exerting your trust and faith in Him, stand on your feet and forget yourself by cheerfully going about doing good. As a result of her daily choice not to nag herself or others with feelings of failure but to stand on her feet and serve, she accomplished something of great price. Her loaves of kindness, not only helped her through her own challenges, but also have been multiplied through the generations, nourishing and leavening multitudes, thus becoming miracle loaves.
If you find a little loaf of bread under your seat today, I encourage you to make it a miracle loaf. Share it. Share your goodness. Share your faith. Your righteousness, your cheerfulness, your selflessness can have a leavening influence on our university and community now, creating Zion among us.
I know that the day of miracles has not ceased and that Heavenly Father is a God of miracles. He loves each one of us, and He will bless us through our trials as we exert our faith in Jesus Christ, who is the sustaining Bread of Life. I know we must follow His example of love, service, and endurance as our prophet of God, President Thomas S. Monson has taught. He has promised us that if we exert our faith in Jesus Christ when we face hard things, we will be blessed. He said:
“I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.. . .fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.’ [5]
May each of us participate in our own miracle of the loaves by putting our trust and faith in the very Bread of Life, Jesus Christ and leavening the earth with
the good works of His Gospel.
[1]Women’s Conference Booklet p. 18
[2]“To the Women of the Church,” Ensign, November 2003, 114.
[3]Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, Nov 2009
[4]TEACHINGS OF PRESIDENTS OF THE CHURCH: GORDON B. HINCKLEY
[5] Something Wonderful, David O McKay, pp 12-15
[6]Ensign, May 2009