Some years ago we took a family trip to Aotearoa New Zealand the place of my birth so that our children would have an opportunity to visit family, learn more about part of their cultural background and heritage, and enjoy what that beautiful country has to offer. Our plans were to drive down one side of the North Island, take a ferry, which transports both passengers and vehicles, across to the south island and then return northward driving up the opposite coast. We anticipated driving over a thousand miles to visit family and various historical and tourist sites.
A family member suggested we rent a van from an acquaintance who owned a local car rental company rather than using a national company so we could save money. We took that suggestion. The journey started off well but after our first rest stop we noticed the ignition was a bit sluggish but we didn't think too much of it and carried on our way. The next morning however, we went to start the van but all it did was produce unusual loud noises. My husband Chris tried the ignition several times, and after cleaning the spark plugs, the van started. We were about eight hours away from our starting point. I thought to myself, "How could someone rent a vehicle without checking to make sure it was in top condition?" I proposed to my husband that we leave the van where it was, inform the owner that it had problems and promptly make arrangements to use a national rental company for the rest of our journey. My husband had concerns about leaving the vehicle. From his perspective, this small business owner would incur a great deal of expense retrieving his vehicle, which was located hundreds of miles away from Hamilton, our point of departure. In my mind I was thinking, "How is that my problem?" I concocted several rationalizations that easily justified my perspective, but my husband was persuasive and had our family commit to get the vehicle back to its owner. I wish I could tell you that the vehicle worked wonderfully after that, but it didn't. One morning we went to use the van and discovered that it had a hole in the tire. To make matters worse, there wasn't a jack in the trunk that would allow us to raise the van off the ground so we could change the tire. Then a little later into the journey, we were pulled over by a highway patrol officer. Apparently, the van did not have a required sticker on the windshield, which would indicate the vehicle's use of diesel gas. According to the officer, these vehicles needed to pay a special road toll and we were to obtain the sticker immediately. I'm sure I rolled my eyes at this news, as this new setback would require that we detour to the nearest town, find the appropriate office, and pay over a hundred dollars for the sticker. And we were still on the front end of our journey! I felt like we were on a reality television show, in which nothing would go our way.
An interesting thing happened when we decided to heed Chris' earlier counsel; we were going to make the best of our situation and help the owner get his van back. By changing our attitude we became open to unintended experiences that were interesting and fun because we chose to see them as such. When we looked for ways to enjoy ourselves we started to see our situation for the pluses rather than the minuses, which led us to acknowledge our gratitude for the small things like being together, enjoying each other's company, seeing our youngest son's wonderment while standing on a glacier in the middle of summer, the fact that it didn't rain while we changed the tire, the hilarious road-trip games, and the little promptings from the Lord. We met interesting people who were kind and helpful to us we ate delicious food at quaint out-of-the way cafe, and saw some sights we wouldn't have seen if we didn't have van troubles. Our family adventure brought us closer to the Lord because at times, He was the only one we could turn to. In one instance, we were at the front of the line of one hundred vehicles ready to drive off the inter-island ferry but we couldn't get the van started. Chris tried turning the ignition over and over (we counted exactly twenty-six times). All the while our family both individually and collectively pled with the Lord to help the vehicle work so we wouldn't hold up hundreds of fellow travelers who were anxious to disembark.
Throughout the entire vacation nothing changed about the vehicle, however, what did change was our family's attitude about our situation. We became reliant on the Lord every single time we got into the van. We prayed over it like it was an ill family member. My husband is a person with a great attitude who looks for the good in others and reaches out to help them. He knew that taking the responsibility for returning the van wouldn't be easy, but he was willing to put forth effort to do it because he felt it was right. His attitude was infectious and it opened us up for a different journey, which resulted in many unintended blessings and great memories.
Brothers and sisters a good attitude makes a difference in our lives and has the power to influence and uplift others. Winston Churchill said, "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." The Late Elder Marvin J. Aston of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said back in 1974, ("Who's Losing?." Ensign, Nov 1974, 41) "The attitude with which we approach each day controls the outcome... Positive personal attitude will insist that we deliver our best, even though less might seem adequate for the moment. Proper attitude demands we be realistic: even tough with ourselves and self-disciplining." This was my experience with what I thought was the worst rental van on the face of the Earth. Instead of this trip being known as "the worst family vacation ever," we fondly refer to it as "our praying vacation."
BYU Hawaii is an intense training ground for discipleship with special blessings for those who rise to meet this opportunity. It is crucial for BYU Hawaii students to have a good attitude during one's time here because it will set a foundation of life long learning and growing for the future. This inspired university provides excellent training for a full time mission for prospective missionaries, as well as post-mission blessings such as preparing for and forming an eternal family and additionally, the tools for developing the faith and obedience needed to endure to the end. The mission of BYU Hawaii is to provide you with both secular and spiritual learning, to prepare you with character and integrity so you will become the leaders in your families, communities, chosen fields, and in building the Kingdom of God, just as modern prophets have foretold. These are lofty expectations given to us through direction from the Lord's servants, which require dedication, focus, and hard work on our part.
Most of you understand the importance of what you can learn here and what a blessing it is to attend a university which is guided and directed by a prophet, apostles, and General Authorities of the Church. Some of you understand that it is not by chance that you are here at this time in your life, but a small number of you may have forgotten that in return for your blessings, the Lord has expectations for you, "For of him unto who much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation." (D&C 82:3)
Each of you will choose how you will use the time and opportunities you have here. You will also choose what attitude you have towards your studies, your church attendance, your adherence to the Honor Code, in gaining a testimony, your relationship with roommates and colleagues and other covenants and commitments you have made. It is also your choice to either uplift or distract your friends from the grand purpose of this institution and the great blessings that are available to them, yourself, and all who are enrolled here.
My purpose today is to offer a warning about how subtle and insidious some trends in attitudes can draw even the "elect" from fulfilling the Lord's purposes, but also to give you encouragement to continue in the course of what is right and true.
In society today, there are several pervasive attitudes that are destructive and even deadly. They are woven in to Pop Culture and are sold as idioms of self-reliance and self-respect. The adoption of such attitudes are at times imperceptible until it is too late and we find ourselves far removed from gospel principles, values, and behaviors. These attitudes are embodied in phrases such as the one I used at the outset of our family vacation, "How is that my problem?" Another commonly used phrase is, "What's the big deal?" or, "What about all the others who are doing it?" And, "I want what I want, when I want it."
Influencing the way we think and behave, these sayings are very "me" centered, distracting us from essential gospel truths.
Let's look more closely at the four attitudes I have identified, which can make us susceptible to false ideas and wrong behavior.
1. "How is that my problem?"
This phrase embodies an attitude of selfishness and pride. It implies that "I am not my brother's keeper." It was this prideful attitude that led Cain to kill Abel. When the Lord asked Cain, "Where is Abel thy brother?" Cain tried to cover his sin with a lie by saying, "I know not." His rationalization was in a form of a question, "Am I my brother's keeper? (Moses 5:34) or, in modern terms, "how is that my problem?"
In the New Testament, the Savior is clear about our responsibility for and our attitude toward our brothers and sisters expressed by what is known as the Golden Rule, "All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them..." (Matt. 7:12). In short, treat others how you would want to be treated rather than the popular worldly concept of "every man for himself."
The ideal mindset for the Saints was declared in a modern revelation, "Zion must increase in beauty, and in holiness" (D&C 82:14). And one of the ways to achieve that desired increase is to have "every man seeking the interest of his neighbor, and doing all things with an eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 82:19).
Here is a piece of advice to counter the "it's not my problem attitude" : commit to actively seek the interest of our brothers and sisters as a fellow Saint. For example, if you are at an off-campus party or gathering, and the music, dancing, or behavior become counter to the principles and morals of the gospel and are in opposition to discipleship, say something to your peers. This will elevate their perspective and change their behavior. Paraphrasing President John C. Dalton of the Hawaii Honolulu Mission he stated recently in his devotional remarks, you have the power as an individual to influence those around you. You are a force for good.
The LDS musical group The Nashville Tribute Band has a song called, "Today Is The Day," in which the lyrics clearly emphasize this point. "I'm not gonna hold it in anymore. This world needs what I have to say today...Today is the day I will open my mouth, I will shout from the rooftops, the truth will come out. And I'm sharing my soul in the words that I speak with the love that has made me this way. Yes, today is the day I proclaim what I believe."
2. "What is the big deal?"
On this campus I hear this phrase most often associated from those who have violated the Honor Code. In their minds, their infraction hasn't been serious enough to warrant the Office of Honor's attention. Perhaps if one compares the individual's behavior to all possible evils of the world, indeed their behavior appears harmless. However, the danger is more subtle because you have promised and given your word to adhere to a code of conduct before coming here. Not keeping one's agreement corrodes one's integrity and sets a pattern of breaking promises and justifying one's behavior, and THAT is the big deal.
In a talk entitled "Are You True?" Elder Jeffrey R. Holland made the point that perhaps a full-time missionary could teach a discussion reasonably well in faded jeans and a t-shirt. But, the Brethren have said no to this lower standard because the medium is the message and the way the missionaries dress convey "what dignity and what standard and what behavior great truth [is]...instilled in this Church." Our message that we offer to the world is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the medium of the message are BYU Hawaii students who have character and integrity, what the rest of the world is hungering for. On our campus, we are proud that there is a stark difference to other Universities, and we know that the little decisions such as adhering to the Honor Code can have a profound impact on our ability to represent the Lord's message to the world. This is supported by a cautionary statement found in 2 Nephi 28: 8, "And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God: he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little . . . there is no harm in this; . . . and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God." Presently, BYU Hawaii students can be among those who "eat, drink," and are "merry" by frequenting nightclubs, cheating here and there, are constantly ward hopping, and pushing the boundaries of appropriate dress and grooming. You know different. Alma said, "...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." (Alma 37:6)
When one of my daughters was in Elementary School, her class was planning a trip to the Big Island, and she was looking forward to going. However, the condition for her to accompany her classmates on this trip was for her to maintain a clean, orderly bedroom. Even after daily reminders and encouragement, she felt that she could put it off. She would even sigh, "It's not a big deal," and would carry on doing what she wanted. As loving parents, we needed her to learn that behavior has consequences. The time grew closer, and Chris and I knew she hadn't followed these small steps to earn the blessing of the anticipated trip. Like our youngster we need to learn now that small behaviors are preparing you for greater blessings to come.
My advice echoes the words of President Ezra Taft Benson when he said, "When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power." Being leaders and builders of the Kingdom endowed with power will bring forth great blessings to the Lord's children. Being endowed with power from God shouldn't be mistaken as a little thing.
3. "What about all the others who are doing it?"
This is another common phrase that I hear often. It seems to be human nature that we constantly want to know how our behaviors measure up to the behaviors of others around us. Worldly ideals would have us believe there is no right or wrong, rather, more gray areas somewhere between right and wrong. This belief fosters comparing ourselves with others to get our bearings for appropriate behavior. However, President Hinckley encourages us to use the tenets of the gospel to measure our personal standing with the Lord. He offers the 13th Article of Faith as a yardstick for aligning our behavior.
"We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul: We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things" (13th Article of Faith).
President Hinckley further said that by keeping this great statement in our minds we will find that, "whenever we might be tempted to do anything shoddy or dishonest or immoral, there would come into our minds with some force this great, all-encompassing statement of the ethics of our behavior. There would be less rationalizing over some elements of our personal conduct which we try to justify with one excuse or another." (Ensign, "Fear Not to Do Good" January, 2000)
Moroni also taught us that rather than looking externally towards others we should turn inward for guidance and direction about our behavior. "For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for everything which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God" (Moroni 7: 16).
4. "I want what I want when I want it."
Sometime ago I was asked to speak to a young man who was repeatedly breaking a university rule. The rule was set up to ensure the safety and well being of students, but the young man refused to stop violating it. Between the time he was last spoken to by the responsible university department and the time I was asked to speak with him, he had broken that same rule three more times. When I inquired of him why he continued his behavior, he said, "I just wanted to." When we talked about how his behavior could have endangered other students he said, "I didn't think of it like that. I was just having fun." This young man did not see things beyond his own desires.
This attitude is deadly both physically and spiritually because for those who seek to gratify themselves at all costs find the forbidden alluring and fascinating. Many end up trapped in or battling addictions because they have followed their appetites, passions and desires. Like the student who did not see the consequences of his behavior, others too are oblivious to the consequences until it is too late. Unfortunately given the details of this situation, the young man's behavior necessitated that he be asked to step away from the university for a time. This consequence was a detour in his educational plan but I believe the opportunity for him to learn self-mastery will help him best in the long run. Elder Oaks said, "The love of God does not supersede His laws and His commandments, and the effect of God's laws and commandments does not diminish the purpose and effect of His love." This young man is a good person but given the opportunity to monitor and adjust his behavior he fell short of what was expected.
Remember the very spoiled, demanding Veruca Salt from the classic movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? She wanted one of the five golden tickets, and she wanted it now. That was her mantra. Repeatedly demanding from others things that were her wishes. Even after receiving the coveted ticket, every room she entered in the chocolate factory, she saw something that she wanted. Right NOW. Finally, she wanted a golden goose, but, blinded by her desires of what she wanted, she could not fully enjoy being among the chosen ticket holders. Eventually she was classified as a "bad egg." When I think of the phrase "I want what I want when I want it," Veruca is the epitome.
We must avoid this sense of entitlement, which is a widespread worldly idea. President Ezra Taft Benson warned about this attitude, that this results in "pit[ting] our will against God's," and the Power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. We will always lose out when this is our attitude, just like Veruca. (Ezra Taft Benson, "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989)
Brothers and Sisters sometimes you too may think that your life is like a realty TV show where nothing goes right, or a journey in a defective van like we experienced but keep the faith, your attitude matters. Prepare to be leaders in the Lord's Kingdom. President Harold B. Lee encapsulated the spirit of my message when he said, "This people must increase in beauty before the world. Have an inward loveliness, which may be observed by mankind as a reflection in holiness and in those inherent qualities of sanctity. The borders of Zion where the righteous and pure in heart may dwell must now begin to be enlarged. The stakes of Zion must be strengthened." May we align our hearts, minds, and bodies to building the Kingdom of God through cultivating a righteous attitude, aligning our behavior with the commandments the Lord has given us. The Lord loves us, which I testify of, in His name, Jesus Christ, amen.