Brothers and Sisters, Aloha!
On this special day there could be much that we speak about in regards to love; however I believe that the young and innocent tell us the most. If you ask a child what he thinks about some of the things that relate to love and relationships of love, these are the responses that you can get.
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!" (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!" (Lynette, 9)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger,8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 10)
A friend once told me that the word love (or its variations) is used over 600 times in the scriptures. The two greatest commandments are to love the Lord with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Also, the great scientist Albert Einstein explained his theory of relativity like this, "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."
The author Victor Hugo said, "The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly speaking, loved in spite of yourself." (Victor Hugo, Les Miserables, [1938] 162)
LDS.org shares some simple insights into obtaining happiness that Victor Hugo would have benefited from. It says;
We often fall into the trap of thinking a new car, job promotion, beauty makeover, or fame will make us happy. And often they do:for a time. But it never lasts because wealth, power, beauty, and fame simply don't bring lasting happiness, as much as we wish they would.
True happiness comes from following Christ's example and developing Christ-like attributes such as obedience, goodness, honesty, gratitude, humility, love, charity, and forgiveness. It comes from serving others and helping them to follow Jesus Christ. It comes from controlling the appetites of our human bodies and following the promptings of the Spirit. It comes from working hard and having a healthy lifestyle, friends, family, and personal achievements.
Christ-like Attributes/Actions Happy People Do
1. Obedience/ Serving others and following Christ
2. Goodness/ Controlling human appetites
3. Honesty/ Following the spirit
4. Gratitude/ Working hard
5. Humility/ Healthy lifestyle
6. Love/ Friends
7. Charity/ Family
8. Forgiveness/ Personal achievements
This seems like a reasonable list. I want everything from both columns. What must I do? As I was pondering on happiness and these attributes, I received a picture from my daughter of a medical procedure my grandson Dax was having done. The Doctors and nurses needed to check his heart and lungs with the marvelous equipment that can penetrate our shell and muscles to look at those vital organs. Just so you know, Dax gets his name from "D" in Donna and "a x" from Max, my name. Such a submissive good little boy. His heart was fine. As I was pondering on these Christ-like Attributes and Actions for Happiness I created a mental picture connecting my heart to some of those characteristics. I started to wonder about my heart. Not my physical heart, but my heart as referred to numerous times in the scriptures.
Repeatedly one reads "the Lord is seeking a willing heart." He knows us so well; he knows what helps to make us happy. He knows that if the condition of our heart is correct then he can help us, but if we do not let him in, if we harden our hearts and think we can do it on our own, it saddens him because then he sees that we must stumble in the way.
Heart Demonstration:
What does a hard heart look like?
Ye do not remember the Lord your God in the things with which He hath blessed you, but ye do always remember your riches, not to thank the Lord your God for them; yea, your hearts are not drawn out unto the Lord, but they do swell with great pride, unto boasting, and unto great swelling, envyings, strifes, malice, persecutions, and murders, and all manner of iniquities. (Hel 13:22)
What does a soft heart look like?
And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them.(D&C 112:13)
The Lord promises blessings of conversion and healing to those whose hearts are right;
How does a hard heart respond to adversity?
And what about the soft heart?
We must make sure we know what the condition of a smart heart looks like. If a hard heart should be avoided then is a soft heart desired, or maybe a tender heart or perhaps even a broken heart.
What attributes will best serve to help create a receptive heart? What will help me be Heart Smart?
H Humility
E Emotion of Gratitude
A Affection / Charity / Serve Others
R Respect
T Tolerance / Forgiveness
Let me use some scriptures and stories to help explain these elements of not hardening our hearts or being Heart Smart. First...
To have a Humble Heart: a broken heart is to be contrite, repentant, and meek:that is, to be receptive to the will of God, or the condition of being meek and teachable. Humility includes recognizing our dependence upon God and desiring to submit to his will. To be teachable.
The children of Israel learned the price of not having a humble heart;
Thou refuse to humble thyself before me, (Ex. 10:3)
If then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled, (Lev. 26:41)
Forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee...
"Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God;
But they hardened their hearts and could not endure his presence; therefore, the Lord in his wrath, for his anger was kindled against them, swore that they should not enter into his rest while in the wilderness, which rest is the fullness of his glory."(D&C 84:23-24)
Are we like the children of Israel even the children of Moses?
Another story that has had a profound impact on my life is the story of Jens and Elsie Nielson. I can share only apart.
I told this story when my oldest son was leaving on his mission over 10 years ago. Somehow thinking we were sacrificing so much, only to discover that what was given in return was far greater
The story is of early saints who sailed to America from Denmark and crossed the plains with the Willie Handcart Company...
Jens, Elsie, their 12 year old son, and a young Mortensen girl, for whom they assumed responsibility to bring to Utah, were left with a handcart, poorly constructed of green lumber, and unfit for the journey. Jens was placed in a camp with four other men with their families who spoke a strange language, English, which Jens could not understand. Jens was made captain of his camp in the Willie handcart company. The company was late starting, and delayed by repeated breakdowns of the poorly constructed handcarts. When finally reaching Wyoming's wind-swept plains, they were caught in a very early and severe winter, with two feet of snow, temperatures to eleven degrees below zero and howling blizzard winds. After consuming their last pound of flour days before, it was here that Jens and Elsie gained a victory over almost certain death through their great physical strength, indomitable courage and unconquerable spirits. Their strength had carried them beyond the endurance of the other four men in their camp who had succumbed to the snow, cold, starvation and exhaustion, and had been buried in shallow graves under the snow. Also buried were Jens' and Elsie's twelve-year old son, Jens, and the Mortensen girl.
The end appeared to be near and certain for Jens. His feet became so frozen he could not walk another step, which caused his right foot to be at a right angle the rest of his life. At this point Jens said to Elsie, "Leave me by the trail in the snow to die, and you go ahead and try to keep up with the company and save your life."
If you believe men have a monopoly on strength and courage, then pay heed to Elsie's immortal words when she said, "Get in the cart and ride, I can't leave you, I can pull the cart." Jens had to suffer the humiliation of riding while Elsie pulled like an ox.
It is not known how far Elsie pulled the cart that day, but in other sources it says the total distance traveled between camps was sixteen miles with some steep slopes! She made it to the next campsite, which turned out to be where the help from Salt Lake reached the Willie Company. For the record, Jens was about 6' 2" and 230 pounds, though likely a little lighter at the time. Elsie was 4' 11' and under a hundred pounds!!! This is a good example of the need to marry a woman so good she can drag your sorry butt to the Celestial Kingdom!! (By Jay P. Nielson)
The rest of the story is this. Two weeks after my son left on his mission, and as part of training for teaching my church history course, I was invited to cross the Nebraska, Wyoming and Utah expanse following the Mormon trail. Following in the footsteps of my ancestors and even the footsteps of Jens and Elsie Nielsen.
At rocky ridge our leaders asked me to get in a handcart and have Donna pull me up that rough trail. As I thought of the story that I knew we were reenacting I was moved to tears. Even though Donna had other sisters to help her I was overcome by feelings of Love. My heart was tender and overflowing, even through my eyes.
When we reached the top of the hill, Donna and I were asked to share our feelings. We could hardly speak. The spirit was so strong. Our hearts were tender. For at least that short time our hearts were soft and smart. Perhaps you can get a sense of our love story.
In the Book of Mormon the Prophet Alma taught;
"Therefore, blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble; or rather, in other words, blessed is he that believeth in the word of God, and is baptized without stubbornness of heart, yea, without being brought to know the word, or even compelled to know, before they will believe" (Alma 32:16).
"And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved" (Alma 5:13).
The next Heart Smart characteristic is to develop an attitude or Emotion of Gratitude
"Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day" (Alma 37:37).
"Behold, my beloved brethren, remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice" (2 Ne 9:52).
You have to focus on what's good in your life, not what's bad.
"I once was distraught because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." - (Unknown)
Life works in mysterious ways. Time and time again there have been stories of people who are in a dire strait yet they are found helping others who are experiencing greater turmoil. This is because once you have helped someone in greater need than yourself, you always feel better. You feel better because you have helped another human being, and this forces you to change your mindset from focusing on your problems to focusing on their solutions.
Always focus on the solution, not the problem and live with an attitude of gratitude! Mother Teresa was a primary example of this phenomenon. Her entire life revolved around helping others in need. As a result she experienced a great deal of love and self-satisfaction in her life.
I Love the Advice given to Andrew Jackson by his Mother
In 1781 Andrew Jackson, then 14 years of age, enlisted in the American army, was captured and thrown into prison where he had smallpox. His mother Elizabeth Hutchinson Jackson, through exchange arranged for his release and nursed him back to health. Responding to an urgent appeal, she left him to go to Charleston to nurse some sick neighbors who were confined there on a British hospital ship. This errand of mercy cost her life. She caught yellow fever and died.
Almost her last words to her young son were:
"Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you; in this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you. To forget an obligation or to be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime - not merely a fault or a sin but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty... None will respect you more than you respect yourself... Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. (By Unknown)
The next trait: Affection / Charity.
Alma taught;
"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever" (Alma 37:36).
If I were share scriptures on charity and service, the list is too long. Rather let me share another story from the scriptures that shows the power of affection and service.
This is the story of Jacob and Rachel.
I find it interesting that the first reference in the scriptures to love between a man and a woman is the love that Isaac had for Rebekah. The second reference tells of the love Jacob had for Rachel. We talk about how much we would sacrifice for the girl we love, but Jacob sets the standard. You remember that Jacob's mother did not want him to marry any of the local girls, so she sent him on a journey to find a wife from her extended family. Jacob arrived at the home of his uncle Laban and immediately fell in love with the beautiful Rachel. In the spirit of "Johnny Lingo and the Eight-Cow Wife," Jacob volunteered to work for Laban for seven years to get Rachel for his wife. Can any of you claim more affection than Jacob? How many of you would sacrifice seven years just to get the girl you love? It was no problem for Jacob. In fact the scriptures say, "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her" (Genesis 29:20).
Remember Einstein's definition of relativity.
But as you know, that is not the end of the story. Laban was not totally honest. When Jacob went in to his wife, it was not until the next morning that he found he had married not Rachel but the tender-eyed sister Leah. Of course, Jacob protested; and his now father-in-law said, "Oh right. I made a mistake, but you can have Rachel if you will work for me for another seven years." So Jacob worked for 14 years to get Rachel, the girl of his dreams. You might say the moral of this story is to never trust a father-in-law, but that would be a mistake because most fathers-in-law are pretty good guys.
We all know that love between a man and woman can grow until it becomes a force of tremendous power. I came across a story that illustrates this point. Variations of the tale are found in the folklore of Eastern Europe, but it was said to have happened during the Middle Ages in Germany.
The year was 1141 and Wolf, the Duke of Bavaria, was besieged inside his castle of Weinsberg by the army of Frederick and his brother the Emperor Konrad.
The siege had lasted long, and Wolf realized he had no choice but to surrender. Messengers rode back and forth, terms were proposed, conditions allowed, and arrangements completed. Wolf and his army prepared to give themselves over to their bitter enemy. But the wives of Weinsberg were not prepared to lose everything. They sent a message to Konrad, asking the governor to promise safe passage for all women in the garrison that they might come out with as many of their valuables as they could carry on their backs.
The request was graciously granted, and soon the castle gates opened. Out came the women- but not as supposed. They carried neither gold nor jewels on their backs, but each one of them was bending under the weight of her husband, whom she hoped to save from the vengeance of the conquering army.
Konrad was so moved by this extraordinary act that he made peace with the duke of Bavaria on much more favorable terms than expected. These women gave new meaning to the idea of supporting their husbands.
A more modern telling of an old story tells of the affection between a high minded young lady and her devoted suitor. Perhaps you have seen the movie, Princess Bride.
The story in part tells of a beautiful young woman named Buttercup who lives on a farm in the fictional country of Florin. Whenever she gives her farmhand Westley an order, he answers "as you wish," and happily complies. Eventually she realizes he loves her and admits her love for him. Westley leaves to seek his fortune so they can marry, but his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who has a reputation for never leaving anyone alive.
Five years later, believing Westley dead, Buttercup reluctantly agrees to marry Prince Humperdinck, heir to the throne of Florin. Before the wedding, she is kidnapped by three outlaws. The outlaws are pursued by Prince Humperdinck with a complement of soldiers, and also by a masked man in black.
The man in black catches up to the outlaws, where he defeats the outlaws. When he tells Buttercup he is Roberts, she becomes enraged at him for killing Westley and shoves him into a gorge after telling him that he should die too, but she realizes he is Westley himself when he replies "As you wish!" She dives into the gorge after him. You will need to watch the rest of the movie later.
I focused on affection in large part because I believe we all can improve in the little things. The common courtesies, the caring concern. So when someone you Love or hope loves you asks a favor, simply respond "As you wish!" and do it.
the next trait is Respect.
As you can see in this scripture you can't isolate these traits completely. Most of them work together to create a heart that is receptive and smart.
"And thus, in their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need"(Alma 1:30).
How we treat others demonstrates our respect. We must remember that how we treat others sets an example for how we will treat even those who are closest to us. The young man or woman who shows disrespect to a parent, but claims loyalty and respect to a boyfriend or fiance or husband, will someday loose the desire for living a double standard and revert to the same behavior as they have shown to their parents.
This story teaches this principle well.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his steps faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Finally, be Heart Smart by developing Tolerance and Forgiveness.
Jesus taught;
"So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses" (Matt 18:35).
"And if he do this, thou shalt forgive him with all thine heart; and if he do not this, I, the Lord, will avenge thee of thine enemy an hundred-fold;" (D&C 98:45)
This scripture suggests to me that the sin of not forgiving could be much worse than many, many more visible sins that in our current way of interacting would surprise many. The next scripture suggests that we will suffer afflictions and chastisement for the evil of being unforgiving.
"My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened" (D&C 64:8).
This story helps me understand why we must be so careful to forgive, because we are so prone to misjudge. How often are we the offender rather than the one being offended?
A woman was waiting at an airport one night
There were several long hours to wait for her flight.
She hunted for reading in the airport's gift shop
bought a big bag of cookies : found a place she could drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but she happened to see
a man sat beside her : as bold as can be
and grabbed up a cookie from the bag in between
which she tried to ignore : and not make a scene.
She munched at her cookies and glanced at the clock
as the masculine cookie-thief diminished her stock!
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking, "If I wasn't a lady, I'd blacken his eye!"
With each cookie she took, he took one or two.
With only one left, she watched what he'd do
With a grin on his face, and a nice nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half!
He offered her half as he munched on the other
She snatched from him and murmured "Oh Brother!
This guy has some nerve, and he's also quite rude
He never showed even polite gratitude."
She had never known when she had been quite so galled
She smiled with relief when her flight : it was called.
She gathered her stuff and marched to the gate.
(With not even a glance at the thieving ingrate.)
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought out her book which was almost complete.
As she reached in her bag, she gasped with surprise,
Her bag of cookies were in front of her eyes!
"If mine are right here," she moaned in despair,
then the others were his and he was trying to share!
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
(By Valerie Cox)
So can we all strap ourselves into our special machine and receive our Heart Smart exam.
Dax passed his exam with flying colors. How do I know? Because Christ said;
"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven"(Mathew 18:4).
I want to be like Dax and each of my innocent little grandchildren. Some of them aren't still innocent. This shows only 8 of the 14, Dax was not born yet.
A test to help you accomplish this goal is very simple. It is found in the New Testament, the Savior invites each of us to practice this plan. We simply call it the Golden rule.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
For example when you see someone and you look into their eyes, do they appear to be happy or are they struggling with a difficult situation, what's the message that your spirit receives from their spirit
If you then use the golden rule to respond to that person it will help elevate the condition of your heart and make you more receptive to the blessings that can come from a soft heart, a tender heart, a receptive heart.
Has anyone ever told you just how much they like you, well my dear brothers and sisters I'm telling you: I like you. I love you a lot. My favorite missionary companion would always say: "Elder Checketts, I love yer guts." It sounds a bit rough, but we were both a couple of farm boys, and I treasure that thought to this day. I wouldn't think of saying that to Donna or you, instead I will say: "I love your soul."
I hope you can submit yourself to your own Heart Smart evaluation. I hope you find the traits I suggested with many other Christ-like characteristics that will create a life rich and full of happiness.
I focused on how to improve the condition of our hearts. I like to find positive ways to improve. The scriptures are clear and complete on what happens if we harden are hearts. Particularly in the Book of Mormon, they outline the challenges one faces if we harden our hearts. Don't harden your heart. Be Heart Smart.
I believe that friends and those we love and care about are the key to helping us to develop a soft caring tender heart. But we must do our part, we must reach out, we must overcome the natural tendency to withhold feelings and as we overcome those tendencies we will be the recipient of many blessings.
I bear you my witness of Christ, our example of the perfect, perfect heart.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.