(Donna) When I was invited to speak at devotional I thought, that is so kind of you to ask, but no thank you! I looked at the possible dates and realized that my daughter Shayla would be here on one of those dates, so I said if Shayla can do it with me then I will.
Our family is scattered around the US and we don’t get together as often as I’d like but when we do we have fun.
This is a Checketts tradition, after we finish family prayer, we form a circle, put in our right hands curl them and altogether say I love you.
My children are my heroes, that’s why I’ve used their life experiences to share today. My family gives me my greatest sense of accomplishment, I’m proud to be their mom and grandmother.
(Shayla) In the late 1960s and early 70s an experiment was performed at Stanford University in California by professor Walter Mischel. The subjects of this experiment were not college students but children between the ages of four and six. This was quite a simple experiment, it didn’t require drugs or difficult tests or any specialized equipment. The only testing device used was a marshmallow. That’s probably why it was called the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment.
This is how the experiment worked. A child was brought into a room and asked to sit at a table. The room was basically empty so that there would be nothing to distract the child. The child was told that they could have a marshmallow.
The researcher said that the child could eat the marshmallow now or if he or she could wait and not eat the marshmallow, the researcher would return in about 15 minutes and they would receive a second marshmallow. They could have one now or if they waited, they could have two. We all know that two is so much better than one!
But 15 minutes is a very long time for a child.
(Donna) The purpose of the original study was to understand when the ability to wait to obtain something that one wants, develops in children. Were the children in control or did the marshmallow control them? Professor Mischel observed that some children would "cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they couldn’t see the marshmallow, others would kick the table, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal", while others would simply eat the marshmallow as soon as the researchers left.
(Shayla) In over 600 children who took part in the experiment, a minority ate the marshmallow immediately. Of those who attempted to delay, one-third deferred gratification long enough to get the second marshmallow. Follow up studies showed that children who could postpone eating a marshmallow at age four outpaced their peers in many areas when they were 18 years old: They scored higher in college entrance exams and had higher confidence, concentration, and reliability. This simple test proved to be twice as predictive of later SAT scores as IQ tests.
(Donna) My youngest son, Ian, loves to ride motorcycles. Dirt bikes are his favorite.
His favorite place to ride is in the mountains in Idaho. A very important working part of his bike is the brakes. Coming down off a mountain without brakes could be very exciting, because he does like to go fast, but it could also be life threatening. Ian would not be in control of the motorcycle, he would be at the mercy of his bike and the steep terrain. Just like Ian needs to be in control when he is riding his motorcycle. We need to be in control of ourselves with regards to what happens in our lives.
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “The height of a man’s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment. There is no other limitation in either direction and this law is the expression of eternal justice. He who cannot establish a dominion over himself will have no dominion over others; he who masters himself shall be king” (Melecio Vir. V. Emata, in “Self-Control: The Kingly Virtue”, Liahona, July 1978).
(Shayla) “Many years ago [Roger Bannister] participated in the Olympic Games as a champion in the one-mile race. He was supposed to win, but he wound up finishing in fourth place. He went home from the Olympics discouraged, disillusioned, and embarrassed.
“He had his mind set on giving up running. He was a medical student at the time, and his studies were so demanding. He decided that he’d better get on with life and devote all of his time in preparing for medicine and forget his hopes about running the world’s record in the four-minute mile. He went to his coach and told him, ‘Coach, I’m through. I’m going to devote all my time to studying.’ His coach said, ‘Roger, I think you are the man who can break the four-minute mile. I wish you’d give it one last try before you quit.’
(Donna) “Roger … went home knowing not what to say or to do. But before the night was over, he had convinced himself that he would develop an iron will before he quit running. He was going to break the four-minute mile.
“He knew what this meant. He would have to set a pattern and live by it. He realized he would have to study seven, eight, or even nine hours a day to get through medical school. He would have to train for at least four hours a day. … He knew he would have to eat the best foods. He knew he would have to go to bed early every night and sleep nine or ten hours, to let his body recuperate and constantly build up for the great day. He determined within himself that he was going to follow the rigid pattern he and the coach knew was necessary for victory and achievement.
“On May 6, 1954, the four-minute-mile barrier was broken by Roger Bannister, … a man committed to a winning pattern which would bring him recognition worldwide. … Roger Bannister set the pattern many years ago and followed it with total commitment, self-discipline, and a will of iron” (Marvin J. Ashton, in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 25–26; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 22).
(Shayla) My brother Clint has always been a runner. He did cross country in high school and recently ran the San Antonio Marathon. We always thought he was a little crazy but in the last few years more members of the family have taken up running. My brother Wyatt just finished his first half Ironman triathlon and my other bother Kelly will be running one in August.
My mom and I decided that we wanted to join the running club and set a goal the first of this year to run a 5K. We trained the last few months and on July 4 in Lander, Wyoming, we accomplished our goal. It was a lot of fun and felt really good crossing the finish line. I’m not saying that all of you should start running, but set a goal to accomplish something that takes some time, make a plan to achieve your goal, then go for it. Going from sea level to 5,300 feet made running more difficult for my mom, but I’m so proud of her! I’m so glad we followed through with our goal and learned that we can do hard things.
(Donna) Brother Checketts and I recently celebrated our 35th anniversary. We met in Provo. He was in my family home evening group. One Monday night he gave a very impressive lesson. I was interested. We started dating and after a short time we were engaged and later we were married in the Salt Lake Temple. After knowing each other just a few months we hadn’t quite figured each other out. I found out that day that he had some pretty big dreams.
When Shayla was just a baby I remember sitting on our front porch talking about our future. Max told me some interesting things that he wanted to accomplish in his life, one of them being he wanted to earn a PhD. Education wasn’t a priority in the family I grew up in, so I thought getting a doctorate was a pretty lofty goal.
12 years and six children later, he earned his PhD from Utah State University. It was a long road with a lot of bumps, but he never gave up. He became Dr. Max Checketts.
Our fourth child, third son Wyatt decided when he was a student at BYU–Idaho that he wanted to go to dental school. Shayla’s husband is a dentist so we knew that it was pretty difficult to get into dental school. As Wyatt was nearing graduation, he applied to several schools with the hope that he would get admitted to at least one of them. It’s an arduous process. You have to take the DAT, dental aptitude test and fill out many pages of applications. You pay a fee to each school that you send an application to and then the hardest part of the process starts, waiting to hear if you’ve been accepted. Wyatt’s classmates started getting invitations for interviews and then admittance to various schools. Wyatt was not admitted to dental school that year. I thought he would decide to attend graduate school and move on. I asked him what his next strategy was. He said, Mom, I still want to go to dental school so I’m going to apply again next year. His plan was to work that year and then reapply. That’s what he did, the next year he went through the process again. He retook the DAT, got a higher score by a few points, and then sent out his applications along with the fees. He did get an interview that year, but no admittance. My thinking was that he should just move on, make a new plan. Wyatt had other ideas. He wanted to apply one more time. I thought it was fruitless. He’d been out of school for two years and there were recent graduates who probably had a much better chance than he did. I remember I told him he’d better come up with a plan B. He needed to progress. He sent out the applications for the third time and was interviewed by a couple of schools and then his dream came true. He was admitted to Marquette University in Wisconsin.
He and his wife knew what they wanted and they weren’t going to settle for less. He just finished his second year of dental school and is on the road to becoming a dentist.
Far too long many have settled for less than they can be, do, and have. You have the infinite capacity to be all you have ever wanted for the seed of greatness is in you. Believe in God and believe in yourself.
(Shayla) My husband Spencer and I met in third grade and were good friends all through high school. After graduation, he left on his mission and I went to Ricks College. By the time he came home, I was almost finished with my associate’s degree. Spencer was just starting college when he proposed marriage to me. He hadn’t gone to university at all before his mission so I knew it would be a long haul for us. Although he was quite the jokester in school, my parents knew he was a hard worker and that he would continue that work ethic when he started his university experience. Biology was a favorite so he began his search for a possible career with that in mind. I worked at a bank and was able to support us until I had our first daughter, Madilynn. I found a job as a nanny where I could take Madi with me and still earn some money. Spencer was still on the hunt for what he wanted to do when he grew up and it ranged from college professor to landscape designer to something in the medical field. He finally narrowed it down to dentistry. I continued to be a nanny until our second daughter, Devanee was born and then it was time for me to stay home. Spencer earned scholarships to pay for school and we moved into a studio apartment that my parents had off their garage. It was a bit stressful living in such a small place with a two-year-old and a new baby. Luckily, we could spend a lot of time with my family. By this time, Spencer had been accepted to the University of Iowa dental school. I had always lived within five miles of my family, now I was going to be 20 hours away from them. This was what Heavenly Father wanted us to do and I knew we would be watched over and blessed.
Those years in dental school were hard but memorable. We never had money. We lived in a little townhouse, but we learned to rely on the Lord. Somehow, we always had enough. I continued to stay home with our daughters. School was tough for Spencer and there were times when I didn’t see him very much. He had board tests to study for and take and internships to go on where he was away from the family for weeks at a time.
We had been in Iowa and dental school for just a few months when our little family was asked to serve as stake specialists in a branch about an hour outside of Iowa City. We attended that branch every Sunday and fulfilled callings because there weren’t enough members in the branch to cover everything. I worked in the Primary and Spencer served with the Young Men. This meant we were driving an hour to and from our home twice a week. We loved the people in the Belle Plaine Branch. We met in a little church where we could shoot a basketball from the pulpit and make it through the hoop. It was the closest experience I had to serving a mission. We loved the members and loved serving with them. We received many blessings during the 14 months of going to Belle Plaine. One of those blessings was that we had gas in our van every time we needed make the hour drive. To me, it was a miracle.
There were about 10 LDS students in Spencer’s dental class and we all had kids and not a lot of other family around. We spent a lot of time together and relied on each other as if we were family. We decided that we were going to go to the temple every month. We would drive two hours to the Nauvoo temple. Two couples would watch the kids and the other couples would go to a session and then we would switch the next month. We went almost every month. Our friends kept us going. We loved being with each other. The friends we made were answers to many prayers and the friendships continue and are treasured even today.
By this time, many friends back home were buying their first homes and starting their careers. On days that I would get frustrated or felt sorry for myself, I would call home and cry to my mom. She gave me the best advice that kept me thinking of the bigger picture. She would always say, “Don’t give up what you want most, for what you want now.” I knew that the sacrifices that we were making now would pay off in the future.
Life didn’t automatically get easier after graduation. Our first job in Washington state didn’t work out and we found ourselves moving once again to a little town in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming. It wasn’t the first place we would’ve chosen to move to, but there was a good job. We found many things to be grateful for when we moved to Riverton and started to see our sacrifices finally paying off. I’m so grateful for those years in school where we were far from family and money was tight. We made good friends who were in the same position as us and learned to have fun without money. Most importantly, we learned to rely on the Lord and knew that we were doing what we were supposed to and we were blessed.
(Donna) Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something. … It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become” (Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, Nov. 2000).
My daughter Katie graduated a few years ago from BYU–Idaho with a degree in accounting. Idaho State University was going to start a Masters of accountancy program that you could get in one year. It was going to be intense. You had to attend classes four nights a week in order to complete the program in one year and during the course of the year, you would take the four tests necessary to become a CPA, certified public accountant. To add to the mix her husband Kris was in his last year of undergraduate work at BYU–Idaho and Katie was seven months pregnant. That meant she would have a new baby in October, but also be required to keep up with classes and take the required tests. Although it wasn’t easy for Katie, a year ago May I went to Idaho for her graduation. She passed all of her CPA exams the first time she took them and she had my 15th grandchild Kendrick.
She knew having a baby and going to school would be difficult, but also knew the Lord would bless her if she didn’t give up on what she wanted most for her family.
(Shayla) President Lorenzo Snow shared this lesson, “My young friends, there is an opportunity for you to become great—just as great as you wish to be. In starting out in life you may set your hearts upon things very difficult to attain to, but possibly within your reach. In your first efforts to gratify your desires you may fail, and your continued efforts may not prove what may be termed a success. But inasmuch as your efforts were honest efforts, and inasmuch as your desires were founded in righteousness, the experience you obtain while pursuing your hearts’ desires must necessarily be profitable to you, and even your mistakes, if mistakes you make, will be turned to your advantage” ( Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, 2011).
(Donna) I asked some of my grandchildren what they want to be when they grow up.
Daniel and Ezra would like to be super heroes or Jedi Knight’s.
Brecken and Ollie wanted to be pirates, but now they’ve changed their minds.
Devanee wants to be a cake decorator
Enoch would like to be a builder like his dad.
Madi may be an Olympic swimmer.
Daxton’s dad wants him to play ball at BYU but since he’s only two, we’ll have to wait and see about that.
My grandchildren are still very young but it’s so important for them to set goals now. Their dreams will probably change many times before they are adults, but I know if they work towards a specific goal, even if it’s difficult, they can achieve it.
(Shayla) Make sure you have a firm foundation as stated in the hymn.
“Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand”
(
Hymns, no. 85).
(Donna) “The greatest achievement in life,” said President N. Eldon Tanner, “is not the acquisition of money, position, or power. In my opinion, it is to come to the end of one’s day having been true and loyal to his ideals. I can think of no achievement greater than that.”
I didn’t realize it at the time but one of the things I needed most was to come to Hawaii. At first it was way out of my comfort zone. I had no friends, no family and nothing to do all day. Once I decided that the best way for me to fit in here was to serve, my whole attitude changed. Heavenly Father gives us opportunities that will bless our lives if we recognize them. I’ve tried to explain to friends in Idaho why I love it here, but unless you live it you don’t really get it.
I have worked in the YSA 2nd Stake Relief Society for the last two and a half years and have met some of the most amazing young women. We have relief society presidencies from all over the world and their testimonies have helped me increase mine. I love seeing them on campus and in the temple. Thank you for being a part of my life. As Raj would say, know that you are loved.
Brothers and sisters, please don’t give up what you want most for what you want now. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.