Brothers and sisters, Aloha! Sister McDonough and I are grateful to be serving as missionaries at the Temple Visitors’ Center with all our marvelous sister missionaries. We have met many of you wonderful students when you’ve come to visit. We encourage all of you to come to the Visitors’ Center often to feel the Spirit there. We’ve had a longtime friendship with President and Sister Wheelwright. President Wheelwright and I went to high school together, and Sister Wheelwright and Sister McDonough went to high school together. Also, President Wheelwright was our youngest daughter’s mission president in London, England.
I had to smile when Sis. McDonough was introducing me. I would like to share her resume with you, but to keep our happy marriage, I will refrain from doing so. However, her extraordinary abilities as a wife and mother, raising six children, far exceeds anything else she has accomplished in this life!
One of the things we all have in common (in fact, we have it in common with every person that has come to this earth) is that we all have to make decisions! Even if we don’t want to make a decision, we have made the decision not to make a decision. If we let someone else decide for us, we have made the decision to let them make our decision.
Several years ago, I read an article by Joel Achenbach published in The Washington Post about the “option society.” He explained that we are living in an “option society.” His daughter applied to eleven universities and was accepted to most of them and thus had excellent options. He was puzzled why she applied to so many schools! Americans like to have a lot of options, he continued. He felt that we are in a society in which people are encouraged to keep their options open and on the table as long as possible. I think that philosophy has meandered into today's dating habits. Then he said, “Maybe somewhere along the way we should have mentioned that life isn't really about options, but about decisions.”
Why are we required to make decisions? Because God said so!
In 2 Nephi 2:27, Lehi explains, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil.”
We are blessed with the great gift of free agency, and God will not take it from us. In a Conference address, President Marion G. Romney said, “Let us be ever conscious of the fact that our characters are fashioned by the decisions we make. Free agency does not guarantee freedom and liberty. Freedom and liberty and peace are the products of right decisions made in the exercise of free agency.”
Keep in mind, as our Church leaders have explained, that freedom is the right to act upon our choices, and agency is the power of choice.
A few months ago, I read an insightful article entitled “Smart Mormons” by Mike Jensen, a Non-Mormon freelance writer writing for the Canada free press.
“That is where Mormon theology is so intriguing. For Mormons, the greatest of all battles, the war in heaven, was fought over Liberty – or as they call it "free agency." Lucifer wanted to take it away, while God demanded that humans have it…. I’m inspired by this Mormon theological idea: God intended for humans to be free to make our own choices and live with the consequences of those choices. The Founding Fathers of this country said essentially the same thing in the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
God wants us to make good decisions and to be happy. As someone once said, “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.” Make your life the most fulfilling it can be by making good choices.
If God wants us to make good decisions, it is logical that He will provide ways to help us. Paramount is the Light of Christ, which is given to every man, that he may know good from evil. We are given the Holy Ghost, or Spirit of Truth, who will guide us into all truth, to help us with our choices. We are blessed with the scriptures and living prophets to guide us and inspire us.
Also, there are more subtle ways we can receive help in our decision-making. When I was a boy in the Aaronic Priesthood, I can still remember our quorum advisor tell us, “When you are faced with difficult decisions in your life, ask yourself the question, "What would the Savior do?" Even though they may seem insignificant at the time, decisions made when you are young will lay the ground work which will determine your future and the person you will become. It won’t make important decisions you make in the future easy, but it will make them less difficult! We can receive help with our choices in so many ways if we are willing to recognize and heed counsel.
We should never underestimate how our good example can influence the decisions of others. There is an article that illustrates this point by Mark Albright, former President of the Washington D.C. South Mission, published in Meridian Magazine in December 2012 entitled “A Miracle on Temple Square brings Change in Rome.” It said, “Dear President Albright, Former U.S. Senator Gordon H. Smith of Oregon is currently an Area Seventy and President of the National Association of Broadcasters in Washington D.C. He gave a fireside in our Stake recently where he shared an interesting experience regarding how two Italian Sister missionaries serving in Utah’s Temple Square Mission helped influence an important governmental decision in Italy regarding the new LDS Temple in Italy. Because it shows how effective good missionaries can be world-wide, and the ripple effect of a good example, I thought it was worth sharing with you.
“While serving as a U.S. Senator, Senator Smith received a telephone call one day from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. The Church was interested in building a new temple in Italy and needed to acquire formal governmental recognition for the Church from the Italian government. Elder Uchtdorf wondered if Senator Smith could please help him arrange a meeting with the appropriate governmental officials in Rome. Senator Smith agreed to not only help set up the meeting but to also fly to Rome to help with the important presentation to the Italian official. They arrived at the meeting in Rome with the Italian official supervising religious affairs in Italy. The Italian Minister was a gracious and knowledgeable woman. She had the Assistant Minister join the meeting. Senator Smith introduced Elder Uchtdorf as an Apostle from the Church and quoted some references in the NATO treaty which included Italy and the United States. Elder Uchtdorf told about the Church and how its larger presence in Italy would benefit and bless the Italian people. He also explained the problems the members and missionaries were facing since the Church was not fully recognized as a religion but only as a charitable organization. The government official looked at her assistant and asked for his opinion regarding the Church's petition. The Assistant Minister replied that he had recently been on a visit to the United States with his family and had toured Temple Square in Salt Lake City during their trip. The assistant went on to explain that when they arrived at Temple Square, their tour guides were two young Italian sister missionaries. According to the assistant, the two sister missionaries were very impressive and glowed with energy and enthusiasm. He then said, in effect, "If the Mormon Church can raise such outstanding young people as I saw serving there in Utah, then by all means you should give the LDS Church all the recognition they need to build their temple here in Italy! I hope they can raise up thousands of young people here in Italy like the ones I met in Utah!" That comment seemed to have the appropriate effect, and the meeting concluded successfully.
“Later, after the appropriate Italian approval was granted, the announcement of a temple to be built in Italy was made during General Conference on October 4, 2008, by President Thomas S. Monson. When the announcement was made by the Prophet from the Conference Center pulpit, President Uchtdorf, now a member of the First Presidency, looked down in the congregation at Senator Smith and gave him a “thumbs up” to thank him for his significant contribution in acquiring the necessary governmental approvals. Italy’s President Giorgio Napolitano signed the Intesa con lo Stato, or legal agreement, on July 30, 2012. In contrast to the 1993 legislation that recognized the Church as only a charitable institution, the Church is now officially recognized as a religious denomination along with the Catholic Church and a few others. The first meeting with President Uchtdorf was the beginning of this important process that culminated recently in the final signed agreement. During his fireside, Senator Smith concluded by commenting that those two unnamed Italian sister missionaries serving on Temple Square may never know of their important contribution or what they accomplished by just having the Spirit with them and being such marvelous examples during the brief tour of the museum and Temple grounds with the Assistant Minister. The Italian Temple is currently under construction, which began October 23, 2010 with a groundbreaking ceremony.
“This miraculous outcome, based largely on a divine rendezvous on Temple Square, could have been very different had the two Italian missionaries acted inappropriately in any way during the tour. The two sister missionaries had no way of knowing that they were giving a tour to a governmental official or that an Apostle would soon be flying to Italy for a meeting that this man could influence in such an important way. Missionaries need to realize that they are being carefully watched by others and that the ripple effect of their good deeds and examples can significantly affect other people years later and many miles away. Members also may never know the impact that their good examples have on other people and their decisions. As President Monson often teaches, in the work of the Lord, there are no coincidences. For those two sisters to be together at precisely the right time and place in order to give a tour to a man who would shortly thereafter be able to assist President Uchtdorf in accomplishing his important assignment from the Prophet is miraculous, indeed!”
Isn’t it interesting that some decisions appear to be so daunting that we agonize over them for days or weeks, and the results turn out to be inconsequential, whereas sometimes we make decisions on a moment’s notice, ponder them for just a few seconds or minutes, and they have major consequences in our lives, even life-changing effects.
The best decision I have made in my life was marrying Sis. McDonough, but today I would like to share with you a personal story about another decision that changed my life. I grew up in Salt Lake City and went to East High School. My first two years at East were terrific. I had many very good friends (President Wheelwright was one of them), and I was involved in athletics. Life couldn’t be better! The summer between my junior and senior year, my father decided to have back surgery. He had severely injured his back playing professional football in the National Football League before I was born, and he couldn’t stand the pain any longer. The operation was a success, but the day before he was to go home from the hospital, he had complications and died. Those of you who have lost a parent or a sibling or someone close to you understand exactly how I felt. I was devastated. My dad was my hero – I always wanted to be like my Dad. My mother was a 40-year old widow, and I had two little sisters, ages thirteen and nine. I didn’t know what I was going to do.
A few days later, my father’s funeral was held in our ward. My mother, my two sisters, and I sat on the front row of the chapel by ourselves with my father’s casket in front of us. The speaker that day was Elder Harold B. Lee, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. As he addressed the congregation, he looked into the faces of our little family, and I experienced something I had never experienced before in my life. I have experienced it many times since, but this was the first time I can remember. As he spoke, I felt a comforting feeling come over me, a feeling of peace. I could almost hear a voice whisper in my ear, “Everything is going to be all right.”
Two weeks later, our bishop invited me to his office. His name was Bishop Max Duffin, and he was a very caring man. The first thing he told me was that now I would have to be the man of the family. Then he started to talk about my father, and tears began to well up in his eyes. I began to weep, and we both had a good cry. Then, with tears still in his eyes, he said, “Steve, I promise you that if you keep the commandments and serve the Lord, you will be blessed with many wonderful blessings in your life.”
I returned to school for my senior year. Emotionally, it was the most difficult year of my life. Fortunately, I had a lot of help. First of all, I was on the high school football team, basketball team, and baseball team so that kept me busy throughout the entire school year. More importantly, I was blessed to be a part of a wonderful family with very special aunts, uncles and cousins who seemed to always be there when we needed them with love and support. I also had many wonderful friends whom I leaned on more than they will ever know. I also had faithful ward members and leaders. Finally, I had a strong mother who, two months ago, celebrated her 93rd birthday and still doesn’t fully realize how great a mom she really is.
Spring of my senior year came, and I noticed that all my friends were talking about which university they were going to attend in the fall. It dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to afford to go to college. My mother had to get a full-time job, and I had a part-time job just to support our family.
About that same time, I received letters from coaches offering me scholarships to attend their universities, some for basketball and some for football. The head basketball coaches from the three major universities in Utah came to our home to visit with my mother and me to persuade me to play basketball for their schools, even to take my mother and me to dinner. The decision could have been more difficult, but I had a widowed mother and two little sisters at home, and I needed to be there for them, so I chose to play basketball for the University of Utah. I was so grateful that I was going to be able to go college.
I enjoyed my freshman year. We had a good freshman team; back then freshman couldn’t play on the varsity. We played freshman teams from other universities. That year, our varsity team won the conference championship with the leading scorer in the nation on the team and finished the season ranked sixth in the Country. It was exciting to be around it. But there was one problem. We had sixteen players on our freshman team, and they could only invite six players to join the varsity and keep their scholarships. I was fortunate to be one of the six. I was so excited. I was living a dream. I was so grateful I was able to go to college and have the blessing of it being paid for me. It was times like this that I would reflect on what Bishop Duffin had told me in his office.
However, more important than athletics, I was able to go to school with my friends. If I were to make a list of helpful ways to make good decisions in life, I would rank choosing good friends with values like your own, or values you desire to have, near the top of that list. What a help it is to have good friends that set great examples whom you can rub shoulders with throughout your life.
In August before my sophomore year, I had my nineteenth birthday. A week later, Bishop Duffin invited me into his office again for a visit. He said, “Steve, I think the Lord would like you to serve a mission!” I told him I had planned to serve a mission before my dad died, but now, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. He told me the ward would help pay for it. Then he said that two men had come to him, on separate occasions, who loved my father very much and told him, “If Steve McDonough ever decides to go on a mission, I would like to help pay for it.” They wished to remain anonymous, and to this day, I don’t know who those men were. That day in Bishop Duffinʼs office, I made the decision that changed my life. I decided to serve the Lord in the mission field. As often happens when we make major decisions in our lives, there seems to be a “bump” or two in the road. The first bump was to tell the coaching staff at the University of Utah that I was giving up my scholarship to go on a mission. I was nervous, but when I walked out of the coach’s office, I had that peaceful feeling again, and I knew that I had made the right decision.
The second bump was when I was introduced to a new freshman coed. We started dating, and I liked her very much. We dated right up until the day I left for my mission. She was very supportive of me serving. That winter, I left on my mission to Scotland.
Why was my decision to serve a mission the decision that changed my life? I had been in the mission field for two months when our new mission president arrived. He immediately began having personal interviews with each missionary in the Scottish Mission. On the day of our scheduled interview, my companion and I drove to the mission home. The president interviewed my senior companion first. Then he invited me into his office. He shook my hand and said, “Elder McDonough, Iʼm President David B. Haight.” We had a little chat, or as they say in Scotland, “We had a wee blether.” He then walked behind his desk and sat in his chair and invited me to sit in a chair on the opposite side. The first thing he asked me was “are you writing your mother every week?” I was impressed that he knew I had a widowed mother. He then asked me about missionary work in Scotland. Then he asked me personal questions about my life, and I could feel the Spirit in the room. He discerned from our conversation that I had a “chip on my shoulder” because all my friends still had their fathers. He concluded our interview by saying, “Elder McDonough, as a young boy I grew up in Oakley, Idaho. My father was the bishop of the Oakley Ward. When I was nine-years old, my father had a massive heart attack and died.” As soon as he said that, I felt the “chip” slide off my shoulder never to return again.
My companion and I returned to our field of labor. The last several months of my mission, I was called to an assignment along with my companion, Elder Dean Christensen, so we were with Pres. Haight every day, and we learned from him.
I completed my mission and returned home. Remember that freshman co-ed that I mentioned I dated before my mission? She was now a junior, and she “kind of waited.” She came to the airport the night I arrived home. Two days later, she broke up with her boyfriend, and Sister McDonough and I were married five months later in the Salt Lake Temple by Elder Harold B. Lee. That was one of the few times Pres. Haight wasn't there for me in my life, since he and Sister Haight were still serving in Scotland.
After our marriage, I followed the wise counsel of my father-in-law and decided to become a dentist. When it was time to apply for dental school, I asked President Haight, who had by this time returned from Scotland, to write a letter of recommendation for me that was required for each application. He not only wrote one but several letters to the many schools where I applied. (I had to keep my options open.)
After four years of dental school and two years as a dentist in the U.S. Navy, we returned to Salt Lake to set up my dental practice in Holladay. Eventually, President and Sister Haight became my patients. It was wonderful because I would see them every six months, sometimes more often. We would always talk about missionary work. They remained my patients until they passed away.
President Haight was ordained an apostle on January 8, 1976, and he was sustained as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles on April 3, 1976. One day, he called my office, saying, “I understand that you are receiving a calling that requires you to be ordained to the office of high priest. Why don’t you come down to my office tomorrow, I would like to perform that ordination.” The next day, I went to his office in the Church Administration Building, and he ordained me a high priest.
Over the years, he had told me that when it was time for our children to serve missions, he would like to interview them when they turned in their papers, which he did. The last Sunday before I was released as a bishop, many years ago, Elder and Sister Haight came to our ward, and he spoke for the entire sacrament meeting.
Elder Haight, on many occasions, had expressed a desire to perform the temple marriages of our children when he was available. One of the last marriages he performed on this earth was that of our son, Dave, to his wife, Hilary. We had sent Elder and Sister Haight an invitation to the reception. A few days later, I received a phone call at my office from Elder Haightʼs secretary, Linda. He wanted to know what time the temple ceremony was scheduled. She said that Elder Haight wanted to perform the marriage. I was surprised because Linda had told me a year earlier that Elder Haight was no longer performing marriages. He was getting into his mid-nineties, and his eyesight was failing. On the day of the wedding, both families and friends were gathered in one of the marriage rooms of the Salt Lake Temple. Elder Haight walked in, and I gave him a big hug. He gave Dave and Hilary wonderful counsel. Then he stood to perform the ceremony. He opened up a folder he had been carrying, and in it were sheets of paper. Each sheet had just a few words to a page with letters almost an inch high. He had Linda prepare the entire temple ceremony so that he could see to read it. It was one of the tender moments of my life. What an effort he made. Boy, did he love his missionaries, and he would do anything for them.
I have pondered many times over the years, wondering what my life would have been like if I had decided not to serve a mission. Do you see what the Lord did? My hero was taken from me, but because I chose to serve Him in the mission field, He gave me another hero.
What did I learn from all of this? The same thing we all learn when we have trials and struggles in our lives and we seek answers to help us in our decision-making: God loves us and cares about us.
Everyone that comes to this earth has to make decisions, no one is exempt. Our Church leaders sometimes have had extremely difficult decisions in their lives. In 1984, Sister McDonough and I were invited to join a group of good friends on an exciting trip to Israel. Our guides were Truman G. Madsen and his wife, Ann, and an Israeli guide, Joseph Ginat, whom we referred to as “Josy.” One day, we were gathered in the Old City of Jerusalem on the Temple Mount near the golden dome called the Dome of the Rock. Brother Madsen explained that years earlier, he was with President Hugh B. Brown, and they were standing about the same place we were gathered. Brother Madsen shared the following story that President Brown told him that day. President Brown had been the stake president in the Granite Stake for several years, which was one of the three very large stakes in the Salt Lake Valley. Two years after being released as a stake president, he was called to preside over the British Mission. Some years later, they came back to Utah, and he was teaching at BYU. He received a phone call from Canada from a representative of Richland Oil Company: “Mr. Brown, we understand that you know Canadian law and American law. We’re drilling oil up here, and we want someone with your qualifications. If you come, we’ll give you ten times your present salary.” He said, “I receive $4,000 a year.” The man said, “Okay, we’ll give you twenty times your present salary.” He took the offer. Not only was he receiving a fine salary, he was receiving stock options on the land. The prospect of genuine wealth descended upon him.
One day, he was drilling for oil in the Canadian Rockies and went upon a mountain to pray. President Brown told Brother Madsen, “I didn't pray, I talked with God, and what I said was "Lord, if having money is not good for me and my family, then take it away." He didn’t feel anything significant on the mountain, except he felt a little worse. He felt even worse when he got to his car and drove the 75 miles back home. He felt terrible when he arrived home. He told his wife he would come to bed later as he was having a “tug-a-war” through most of the night. He said, “Through the night, I had the most terrible battle with the adversary. I wanted to destroy myself, not in the sense of suicide, but something within me was impelling me to wish that I could cease to be. It was terrible. The blackness was so thick you could feel it.” At about 4 AM, his wife Zina came in concerned, saying “Hugh, it feels like the devil himself is in this room.” He replied, “He is!” They prayed together, and he felt somewhat better. He went to work the next day and prayed. Of the experience, he said, “I knelt by a cot and asked God for deliverance from the darkness that had enveloped me.” At about noon, he felt better. That night, the phone rang, and it was a long-distance call. He was taking a bath at that moment, so when he answered the phone, he sounded gruff.
“Hello, Brother Brown,” said a voice. “This is David O. McKay. I have just come from a meeting where you have just been sustained unanimously as an Assistant to the Council of the Twelve.” President Brown told Brother Madsen, “You know, I had a night of hell, but then Zina and I had a night of heaven. It wasn’t the call. It wasn’t the position. It was knowing that God knew and God cared.” He went to Salt Lake, and his first conversation was with President McKay. He told him of his struggle with the adversary, and President McKay's only comment was “Brother Brown, that’s normal. All of the Brethren have been through that!”
There is one sequel to the story. President Brown said later on, “Since that time, I’ve been happier than any time in my life. The men with whom I was associated have made millions. And yet, when one of them was in my office not long ago in Salt Lake, he said, ‘I’m worth at least seven million dollars. I would gladly give every dollar of it to you if you could give me what you have. I can’t buy it with money, but I’d like to have what you have. What you have is peace of soul, and I cannot buy that with money."
President Brown was later called as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, and several years after President David O. McKay became the president of the Church, he called Hugh B. Brown to be one of his counselors.
A testimony and conversion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be the ultimate help in our decision-making. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in his October 2000 Conference address, said, “To testify is to know and to declare, [and conversion is] to do and to become.” It begins with a “leap of faith,” or as the prophet Alma explains in his famous discourse on faith in Alma 32, “Awake and arouse your faculties, even to experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith.” You must plant a seed in your heart, the seed being the “word of God.” If it is a good seed, it will swell inside you, and if you nourish the seed, it will continue to swell “that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your mind doth begin to expand.” Then we realize we have a testimony. Now, I don’t know about you, but an expanded mind is very appealing to me. When you get to be my age, text messages to my brain need to come in “slow-motion,” and when they arrive, many of them are “deleted.” As our testimony strengthens and we continue along the conversion path, we have a greater desire to keep the commandments and to serve others, we discover that our prayers become more meaningful, we listen more intently for answers, and we act on the promptings we receive from the Spirit until, ultimately, we learn to trust the Lord and realize that He knows what’s best for us more than we do. When we have struggles and decisions to make in our lives and we get on our knees and pray for answers, we discover that our prayers are not always answered the way we think they should be answered, and we discover that our life doesn’t always go the way we planned. However, if we trust the Lord, we understand, that in the end, “everything is going to be all right.”
To quote Elder Neal A. Maxwell, “The submission of one’s will is, really, the only uniquely personal thing we have to place upon Godʼs altar.” We should all be grateful that we have a Father in Heaven who cares about the decisions we make. In fact, I don’t think we can comprehend how much He cares about the choices we make! I do know this: He cares enough about us that He sent His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, down to this earth, not only to overcome death, and not only to incomprehensibly suffer for our sins and shoulder the burden we placed upon Him, but also to help us in our decision-making. The Savior simply said, “Come follow me!”
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
References:
2 Nephi 2:27
Achenbach, Joel. "Endless Options of the College Tour," Washington Post (3 May 2009)
Albright, Mark ( former president of Washington D.C. South Mission) "A Miracle on Temple Square Brings Change in Rome," Meridian Magazine, 31 Dec 2012
Hartshorn, Leon R. Outstanding Stories by General Authorities, Vol. 1, citing "Eternal Progression," an address by High B. Brown to the student body of the Church College of Hawaii, 16 October 1964 (Deseret Book Company, 1970), 16-18
Jensen, Mike. "Smart Mormons," Canada Free Press, 2013
Maxwell, Elder Neal A. "Swallowed Up In the Will of the Father" (General Conference address, October 1995)
Oaks, Elder Dallin H. "The Challenge to Become" (General Conference address, October 2000)
Romney, President Marion G. "Decisions and Free Agency" (General Conference address, 5 Oct 1968)