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Devotionals

Building Bridges

"Building Bridges"

Aloha.

Thank you for coming. It’s an honor for me to be here. As an introvert, I often feel intimidated by public speaking. I came to BYU-Hawaiʻi almost 17 years ago. This is the first time I’ve been asked to speak at Devotional. I hope this talk is good for another 17 years. I pray the spirit to be with us today and help me to convey my message adequately.

In Matthew chapter 5 verses 13 to 15, the Savior encouraged us to be good influences within the world when he taught through analogies of light and salt. BYU-Hawaiʻi’s motto is “Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve.” During the groundbreaking service of the-then Church College of Hawaiʻi, on February 12, 1955, President David O. McKay set the mission for this school and outlined the expectation for us. He said, “From this school … will go men and women whose influence will be felt for good towards the establishment of peace internationally.” How can we become the light and the salt of the world? How do we go out to serve? What should we do to fulfill the prophesy of establishing peace in our community and elsewhere? Today, I would like to focus my talk on building bridges, which I hope can be a first step to achieve these expectations.

Elder M. Russell Ballard gave an inspiring talk, titled “The Doctrine of Inclusion,” during the October 2001 General Conference. He pointed to issues we Latter-day Saints have in interacting with those who are not of our faith. I love this talk and think that we can greatly benefit from it if we heed his counsel. I include this talk on my intercultural communication class’s reading list and encourage my students to reflect on issues he raises and apply the valuable principles in their lives. Today, I will base my remarks on Elder Ballard’s and suggest that by first looking inward more critically, we can better understand the issues at stake and build bridges outward.

It is probably not an exaggeration to say that Mormonism is among the most misunderstood religions in the world and Latter-day Saints are one of the least understood people. According to a couple recent Pew Research Center studies, in comparison to other religious groups listed in the survey, Mormons received low ratings from the American public. We fared a bit better than only atheists and Muslims. In assessing these surveys, we should bear in mind that Americans do have generally positive attitudes towards religion. Even the lowest two groups received about neutral responses in the most recent survey. There was in fact a jump in attitude toward almost all religious groups from 2014 to 2017, including Mormons. We are just not as well-regarded as most others (“Americans Express Increasingly Warm Feelings Toward Religious Groups,” Pew Research Center, February 15, 2017).

Most Mormons I know are honest, hardworking, friendly people, but why aren’t we better liked? The issue is more complicated than we can address today. However, we can at least admit that we might have a perception problem. There are at least two paths we can take in responding to this problem. One is to place the blame on others, thinking that the reason others hold bias against us is because we are the chosen people who have the exclusive truth. We therefore conclude that the fault resides in others, not us; that we are simply victims of bias. Another, and probably the more challenging, approach is to contemplate the legitimacy of other people’s perceptions. We might recognize that we bear some responsibility for those perceptions, reflect on why others view us unfavorably, and seek ways to build bridges and change the perceptions. I personally think the second approach is more productive and believe Elder Ballard’s talk helps us take it.

In fact, Elder Ballard’s conference talk was a direct response to the constant tensions between Latter-day Saints and their neighbors in Utah. But I think his message goes beyond that geographic area, and applies to many other places and situations. Elder Ballard addressed the issue head on by outlining problems we have in interacting with others. Here are a few of my takeaways from his talk.

First, we can be clannish sometimes. Many of us probably have heard expressions like “Mormons usually keep to themselves.” According to Elder Ballard, the number one complaint others have about Latter-day Saints in Mormon dominated regions is that we live in close-knit communities and interact mostly with our fellow Mormons only. I would say the Mormon community in Lāʻie fits the description. David Campbell, a political science professor at the University of Notre Dame and an LDS scholar, points out that Mormons tend to hold strong in-group identity, and we are therefore less inclined to reach out to people outside of our religious social circles (Seeking the Promised Land: Mormons and American Politics, 2014). Judging from our history, we can understand why this is the case. As a persecuted religious minority, early Mormons moved around quite a bit from the American East to the Midwest and eventually to the frontier West because we were not accepted as part of American society. Keeping things to ourselves became a mechanism for coping with the alienation. In the process, we developed distrust toward outgroups. As a result, we sometimes built walls rather than bridges when it came to dealing with people outside of our faith. Even today, there’s still a tendency to prefer to conduct business with our own people and in our own way. In other words, we leave others out not intentionally, but because they are not part of us. This can frustrate people. Elder Ballard said that many of us are practicing “the doctrine of exclusion.” Here is a paragraph from his talk.

Occasionally I hear of members offending those of other faiths by overlooking them and leaving them out. This can occur especially in communities where our members are the majority. I have heard about narrow-minded parents who tell children that they cannot play with a particular child in the neighborhood simply because his or her family does not belong to our Church. This kind of behavior is not in keeping with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. I cannot comprehend why any member of our Church would allow these kinds of things to happen. I have been a member of this Church my entire life. … I have never taught—nor have I ever heard taught—a doctrine of exclusion. I have never heard the members of this Church urged to be anything but loving, kind, tolerant, and benevolent to our friends and neighbors of other faiths.

My second takeaway from Elder Ballard’s talk is that we easily fall into an “us vs. them” mentality. This, again, may have come from our past as an oppressed minority group. Many Latter-day Saints are acutely aware of our marginalized position in our broader cultures, are sensitive toward our peculiar place in society, and are attuned others’ bias and hostility toward us. Scholars call this mindset a “persecution complex.” According to a 2012 Pew study titled “Mormons in America—Certain in Their Beliefs, Uncertain of Their Place in Society,” a majority of Mormons do indeed feel disliked and especially ostracized in American society. The research shows that only about 50% of Mormons surveyed feel that depictions of Mormonism in entertainment media (such as TV and movies) are fair to our faith. The same study also interestingly indicates that more Mormons (about 46%) than African-Americans (31%) thought that contemporary discrimination has been directed at them.

Regardless of whether the threat of persecution still exists today, this sense of victimhood prompts many of us to draw a clear line between ourselves and the rest of the world; we may sometimes feel “the world” is out to get us. We see many things through this us-verse-them lens, assuming everything about us is right and good and everything about the world is wrong and bad. This perception is neither accurate nor helpful. Elder Ballard said:

For the most part, our neighbors not of our faith are good, honorable people—every bit as good and honorable as we strive to be. They care about their families, just like we do. They want to make the world a better place, just like we do. They are kind and loving and generous and faithful, just like we seek to be.

Third, we can sometimes be judgmental and hold what Elder Ballard calls a “holier-than-thou” attitude. “Why is she not married?” “Why is he not going on a mission?” “Why did he come back from his mission so early?” “Look at what she is wearing!” “Why is so and so not taking the sacrament?” “Why is our neighbor not in church today?” … We have opinions on everyone and anything. We like to judge and gossip. We assume our standards are higher and our moral values superior to those of others. We think we are more righteous than others and that we are happier. We may even believe in the so-called prosperity gospel and think that we are materially blessed because we are better than others. With a sense of superiority, we try to impose our beliefs and standards on others; not surprisingly this can be seen as presumptuous and overbearing.

Jesus taught in Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” The Apostle Paul also suggested that passing judgment on others is “inexcusable” behavior, as none of us is without sin. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said these powerful words in April 2012’s general conference,

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children (“The Merciful Obtain Mercy”).

President Gordon B. Hinckley similarly pleaded that

We must not be clannish. We must never adopt a holier-than-thou attitude. We must not be self-righteous. We must be magnanimous and open and friendly. We can keep our faith. We can practice our religion. We can cherish our method of worship without being offensive to others. I take this occasion to plead for a spirit of tolerance and neighborliness, of friendship and love toward those of other faiths. (Hinckley “Remarks at Pioneer Day Commemoration Concert,” Ensign, Oct. 2001, 70.)

Fourth, we may sometimes make friends with ulterior motives. As a proselyting religion, we have missionary DNA; it’s natural for us to see everyone not of our faith as a potential convert. We love to share the gospel and we are taught to be a missionary at all times. However, how we go about sharing the gospel or what to do with friendships when we realize that a gospel conversion is not likely can be an issue. One temptation is to act like high-pressure sales people who make others uncomfortable. Another is to build friendships based on a premise of potential conversion. There is a difference, I think, between being a good friend and naturally talking about religion, and trying to convert people. It is important to share what we believe, but it is also important to see our associates as individuals and respect them for who they are instead of whether they are likely to become one of us. If we try honestly to be a genuine friend, religious discussions often follow. But if we try to adopt a friendly posture in order to have religious discussions, friendship will rarely result.

On this point, Elder Ballard encourages us to

Get to know your neighbors. Learn about their families, their work, their views. Get together with them, if they are willing, and do so without being pushy and without any ulterior motives. Friendship should never be offered as a means to an end; it can and should be an end unto itself.

Fifth, we sometimes forget to walk the walk. We are not always consistent in what we say and what we do. A person close to me had a hard time with high school life. One obstacle was that he didn’t know how to deal with the inconsistency of his LDS peers’ behaviors and mannerisms in school and in church. He said that people acted properly, said the right things, and gave standard gospel answers in church. But when he went to school, he found bad language, questionable actions and even bullying among church associates. He felt confused and even angry.

I had similar feelings when I was a student here some time ago. As a convert, I didn’t grow up in the church and never had too many members around me in Taiwan. When I got accepted to BYU-Hawaiʻi, I was very excited about the prospect of living in Zion with my fellow Latter-day Saints. I imagined an almost living happily-ever-after scenario, in which everyone would be perfect, angel-like, doing what we are all supposed to do. But upon seeing some of my fellow students’ behaviors, I started having doubts. “What’s going on? Didn’t these people grow up in Mormon families? How could they? This is not what I was expecting.”

One specific example I still clearly recall from my student days here was with home teachers. Many of them showed up only once at the beginning of the semester and then totally disappeared afterward. My unit-mates later found out that it was because we were not pretty enough to be home taught. What happened was that home teachers would come to check out the new girls. If they were pretty, the home teachers would visit them faithfully to advance potential romantic relationships. If not, there would be no point for them to waste their time and energy. I hope the same situation does not occur now.

To be fair, I was probably too naïve in thinking every Latter-day Saint would be of good character and always follow gospel principles. Although most of us are trying our best to live our lives, a few examples of bad behavior can become others’ stumbling blocks.

You may have noticed the last few examples I gave are about the way we treat others within the Church. The tendencies Elder Ballard identified can produce problems for our relationships both inside and outside the church.

But there’s also a deeper point. The distinction between insiders and outsiders to our LDS community may be fuzzier than we often realize. We (or at least many of us) sometimes feel hints of “outsider-ness.” There are moments or situations in which we may wonder if we truly belong.

The Apostle Paul told us in Ephesians 2:9 that as church members, “Ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God.” We strive to feel as one among the community of Christ. But I think we would lack of charity if we assumed that all Latter-day Saints feel like they have achieved this ideal.

Some of us may have a hard time fitting in because of personality differences. For others, it may be an element of our belief or testimony that doesn’t match up with the “standard.” Less-than-ideal family or marriage situations have some of us to feel like we’re at the margins rather than the center of the Mormon community. Encountering Mormonism in a new national or cultural situation might cause us to wonder whether the church we love is really the same everywhere. Or, as Elder Ballard noted in a BYU-Provo devotional three months ago, it could be a sense of differing sexual orientation that makes us wonder if we truly belong. And for others, political, ideological, or social beliefs that don’t match with most of those within our ward or stake may give us a sense of being a partial outsider. There are many things that might cause us to question whether we fully fit in.

Of course, some Latter-day Saints never feel like an outsider in the church community. If that’s you, count yourself lucky. And for some, this sense may be fleeting or rare. But for others, perhaps more than we recognize, a sense of partially being outside may exist throughout much of their lives.

Thus when Elder Ballard advises us not to thoughtlessly alienate those who don’t share our beliefs and not to befriend others simply with ulterior missionary motives, I believe he’s also helping us understand how we treat those within our midst. The things we do to improve relationships with those outside the church may be of same things that will help us promote a stronger sense of belonging for those of us “outside-insiders” within the church.

So now I’d like to turn to the suggestions Elder Ballard has for building bridges.

First is to expand our social circles; get to know our neighbors, co-workers, and associates without an ulterior motive. As mentioned earlier, he suggests that we be a genuine friend and care about others simply because we value who they are. Recognize the fact that not everyone will or ought to join the Church to be our friend. Embrace diversity and variety among our friends within the church.

Second, we should eliminate phrases such as nonmember, non-Mormon and Gentile from our everyday vocabulary because, as Elder Ballard points out, these terms can be demeaning and even belittling. This is a hard one for me. We use phrases such as Mormon/non-Mormon, member/non-member so often that they become part of our subconscious, and we don’t even think twice when we say them. The problem with these terms is that the moment we use them, we automatically draw a line between us and them. We, us, Mormons vs. Them, non-LDS, the world. Language matters because it shapes our perceptions. Inclusive language generates a sense of belonging, group identity, collectivism, shared experience, and common goals. Exclusive language, on the other hand, creates distance, outgroup hostility, opposition and confrontation. So, what phrases should we use instead? Elder Ballard recommends that we name people what they are and not what they are not. We don’t identify ourselves as non-Buddhist or non-Catholic, for example. So why do we call others “non-Mormon”? If we need a collective descriptor, he says “neighbors” will work fine in many cases.

Third, don’t suggest people to move somewhere else. My in-laws live in Ogden, Utah. When we go visit, we read local papers. From time to time, we see letters to the editor that suggest people who are not happy about or frustrated by Mormon Utah culture or politics move somewhere else. I certainly have heard similar expressions here as well. If you don’t like how we do things in Lāʻie, move to Hauʻula, Kahuku, or somewhere further away. It sounds ironic if we consider our history as a marginalized group, driven from place to place. Now in Mormon dominated communities, are we willing to do the same as others did to us in the past?

If I may, I would add that we should focus more on commonalities than differences. I understand the desire to be different, to have a unique identity, to be a “peculiar” or even the “chosen” people. Group identity is determined not so much by how many similarities we share as a group, but mostly by how different we are from others. For example, Japanese are Japanese because they are not Chinese or Korean. Mormons are Mormons because we are not Catholics or Protestants. However, overly emphasizing in-group identity increases hostility toward outgroups and the likelihood of seeing ourselves as superior to those different from us. Ethnocentrism, nationalism, racism and sexism are common results. People are more alike than we often think, because we are all children of our Heavenly parents. Most people, regardless of religion, race and gender, strive to live decent lives and contribute to the betterment of society. The “I’m a Mormon” ad campaign is a good example of focusing on similarities rather than differences. Through the ads, we try to send a message that we are not weird, we are just like you, and we are actually pretty cool if you get to know us. I think this approach, finding commonalities in ourselves and others, promotes understanding among people. It staves off ethnocentrism and holier-than-thou attitudes.

I also suggest that we be mindful of others’ needs and rights, especially in Mormon dominated regions. Take Lāʻie as an example. The Mormon influence is strong. The shopping center is closed on Sunday; if someone is hungry on Sunday, the only place they can go is to McDonald’s, if they don’t have transportation to Kahuku or Hauʻula. Foodland does not carry alcohol (although it does sell tobacco and coffee). I assume Latter-day Saints have much sway on activities and policies in Lāʻie Elementary School and Kahuku High School. Even on our campus, we assume everyone is Mormon and conduct ourselves without considering how others feel and think. I am not saying we should change our commitments to fit others. But I think there is a difference between sharing our belief and imposing it. We need to be aware and humbly mindful, and even wary of our own power, when we have the means to determine policies as the majority.

By now I hope I have made my case adequately that in order to build bridges outward we have to first look inward and think about how we create relationships with others. I will use three quotations to conclude my talk. The first is from Elder Ballard:

If we are truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times… The Lord expects a great deal from us. Parents, please teach your children and practice yourselves the principle of inclusion of others and not exclusion because of religious, political, or cultural differences.

The second is from President Hinckley:

Each of us is an individual. Each of us is different. There must be respect for those differences…

We must work harder to build mutual respect, an attitude of forbearance, with tolerance one for another regardless of the doctrines and philosophies which we may espouse. Concerning these you and I may disagree. But we can do so with respect and civility. (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley 1997, p. 665)

Jesus summed up all these succinctly in John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.